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Husband emotional affair - possibly bipolar

(11 Posts)
jolouise Fri 14-Oct-11 03:46:19

First post! Been with hubby for 14 years and are in a new country. He decided in August that he fancies another woman (but she's in a relationship with another woman!) that he works with because they have so much in common. I talked through it with him and he decided he wants more fun in life - mainly drinking, music and dancing. He thought we should split up because he doesn't love me and the kids anymore and that I should move home. Then he changes his mind about a month later saying he doesn't fancy the other woman and I agree that if he stops going to the pub with the woman I'll work through it with him. He also decided he is bipolar (we always knew he had depression). I've spent the last month finding out again and again that he's going out for drinks and emailing this other woman and I flip out each time, especially because he lies to me. He's just done it again today. He says he doesn't fancy her anymore but he begs me to let the pub sessions carry on. He breaks down completely if I say I've had enough and will just go home.
Any advice as this has got to be the most F***d up situation ever - I really do think he is bipolar after reading loads of books about it. We've always been happy before this. And he basically pretends our kids aren't there - totally indifferent and always wishes we'd never had any.

Coconutmummy Fri 14-Oct-11 03:53:49

Oh dear, does not sound like a nice situation to be in, I did not want to read without commenting. There are lots of smart women here who will be able to give you advise about what you could do.

izzywhizzysfritenite Fri 14-Oct-11 04:03:06

You've said quite a lot about him and what he wants to do; given that you haven't got a magic wand to make everything right, and given that his indifference to them must be having an adverse affect on the dc, what do you want to do?

Is coming back to the UK a viable opton? Do you have property here, relatives who can accomodate you and the dc temporarily until you re-establish yourself?

PaigeThumbScrewTurner Fri 14-Oct-11 07:52:13

I'm not sure about the bi polar but he sounds like a selfish arse.

Also sounds like this other woman said she didn't fancy him so he gave up on that idea, but still wants to go out a lot and ignores the DC, ie behaving like a single man!

I'm sorry you're in this situation in another country - is it too far away to go home for a bit while your DH bucks his ideas up?

UnDeadDolly Fri 14-Oct-11 08:02:07

Don't put up with this. You and your DC will suffer. Look not coming home and leave the selfish prick to it.

UnDeadDolly Fri 14-Oct-11 08:02:20

Look 'at'

LittleHouseofHorror Fri 14-Oct-11 08:10:12

I have some experience of hypomania/mania.

Is your H claiming he can't help his behaviour because he is suffering from mania? If so it will be affecting him in other ways eg unable to sleep, talking too much, having ideas above his station and so on. If so he should be seeing a psychiatrist urgently before it costs him his job/marriage /home.

More likely he is just making excuses for being an entitled selfish git. I think you should move back to the UK for a while too.

Aislingorla Fri 14-Oct-11 09:00:47

Just skimmed this thread, will read properly later. It appears whether your H is bipolar or not that he is putting you through hell and that is not on! Back later.

jolouise Fri 14-Oct-11 14:50:17

Thanks so much for the replies. I do have a house in the UK I can move back to as our move abroad was only temporary - just another year and we'll be back anyway.

My husband has agreed to see a doctor but there's a two month wait just to see the GP. I think I need to try and speed this up.

My own feelings are mixed - He's been so different to normal for the last three months but he's been a good husband before that, although with the kids he's been indifferent for about 3-4 years on and off. My kids are at school too - age 9 and 5 and so I'm worried about taking them away suddenly. They know something is going on because they get upset when he's not home at their bedtime and think he's never coming back.

I think more than anything, I'd like to know, assuming he is bipolar, should I be putting up with this behaviour?

vole3 Fri 14-Oct-11 15:21:20

If he is experiencing mental health issues, for the sake of him, you and his children he needs help and you don't have to put up with it.

If he isn't bipolar and just being an arse, you don't have to put up with it.

Find out what help is available to you in coping with the situation as regardless of his problems, your children need you and need you well supported.

PenguinsAreThePoint Fri 14-Oct-11 17:42:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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