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help with dating again

(13 Posts)
rwethereyet Thu 13-Oct-11 19:59:54

Really confused! I'm recently separated and living alone with my 2 DC's, as anyone knows its hard going at times and I suppose I've enjoyed a bit of a sexual tension thing with a male colleague. I work f/t have been attracted to this guy for several months and think I've made myself clear to him that I liked him, giving him the eye and talking when I can etc.
But I'm out of the 'dating thing' so long I don't really have a clue how to act with a man or pick up on their signals. He seems to blow hot and cold with me. He has a blog attached to his f/b for some charity thing and put in some personal details about me which he could only have got from talking to me. Some days he calls me over to talk and is really friendly and giving me lots of eye contact, then on other day barely grunting at me when I initiate conversation. He does stare over at me sometimes. I have been making excuses like he's reserved and maybe a bit awkward, maybe thinks I'm still with my ex although I don't wear a ring, maybe the fact I've got DC's is putting him off. Not really expecting any answers here but don't know what to do. Really really frustrated. He's definitely not married and I don't think he has a girlfriend (have asked around and stalked on f/b!) Any ideas, should I just forgot him or keep trying, what does anyone think? Thanks!

PhilipJFry Thu 13-Oct-11 20:13:11

I hate to be the first person to post and be negative, but if he's blowing hot and cold then I'd say nah, leave it. Sounds like more bother than you need right now. You're already wondering why he's switching his attitude from one day to the next and second-guessing yourself a fair bit. Surely it shouldn't be this tricky at a stage where you haven't even gotten together?

izzywhizzysfritenite Thu 13-Oct-11 20:26:00

It's never a good idea to mix business with pleasure and I suspect that this particular work colleague knows only too well that you're interested in him and is playing you - which is not a good sign if you're hoping to have a fulfilling relationship with a decent man.

Keep your working life for what it is; a means of keeping the roof over head, clothes on your back etc, and look outside of your place of employment for fun and romance with the opposite sex.

buzzskeleton Thu 13-Oct-11 20:46:13

I say look elsewhere as well.

I can't stand moody mysterious gits. He sounds a game-player, and those fuck with your head and it generally gets worse rather than better. Not worth the emotional energy.

buzzskeleton Thu 13-Oct-11 20:47:48

The "mysterious" should have had scare quotes round it smile. Cos they're not really mysterious at all, they're just self-centred and wanky grin.

rwethereyet Thu 13-Oct-11 20:50:08

Thanks for your advice, not what I wanted to hear but probably what I'm thinking deep down too, pity he's gorgeous and very shagable. Where the hell do you meet someone in your late thirties? feel past it with kids!

kunahero Thu 13-Oct-11 20:53:46

you find them just where you dont expect to. The more you look the less you find. One day just when you least expect it the right person for you will land at your feet.

kunahero Thu 13-Oct-11 20:54:55

late 30's is not past it, with or without dc. You are jusy coming into your prime. Enjoy it

rwethereyet Thu 13-Oct-11 21:20:16

kunahero, well named, poetic and lifted my soul

HeadlessLamAAARRRGHHHH Thu 13-Oct-11 21:34:29

Us blokes are simple souls. Quite often we can't don't read the signs and need ladies to be blunt. Just ask him if he fancies a shag drink. grinwinkblush

Taghain Thu 13-Oct-11 21:40:41

He's not playing games, he's confused too.
He's also scared about being rejected if he asks you out, so he doesn't. He hangs around some days because he fancies and likes you, then sometimes thinks he's paying you too much attention which you will think is creepy or others will notice, so he backs off for a while. He may think that you're playing games, too.

You'll have to find an excuse to have lunch with him I'm afraid. Then ask him out....Don't hint, ask. Men don't understand hints.

rwethereyet Thu 13-Oct-11 22:15:52

God, I'm fucking nervous around him, and now terrified, how the hell do I ask him out?? Forgotten how difficult all this is, wish I was back in the playground where 'I fancy out' would suffice, theres something to be said about a simpler life!

HeadlessLamAAARRRGHHHH Fri 14-Oct-11 10:27:49

OP just ask him if he fancies a drink after work. He's probably as nervous as you.

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