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bad mom

(15 Posts)
ladyGeraldine Thu 13-Oct-11 11:44:28

Long one, may need to drip feed. Single parent, two in secondary. Have had mg shoos after years of abuse. Was depressed had counselling and realised extent of abuse. Dad mental and physical abuse, mom mental abuse, gaslighter. No one treated me well, didn't expect it, thought I was not worth much. Abused by ex in family courts and as I was depressed then, he was believed. He managed to make it look like he was fab and me dreadfull and him look great. He no longer sees kids blames me parental alenation. He the parent that aleniated. I have nothing to do with parents.

Kids treat me like a low life, spent years in counselling to get self worth. Kids like others, yes kno2 my fault before for being with ex, that was their model. I am fed up of being everyone's scapegoat, being gaslighted, blamed, punished, tranfered of the crappy others do on me and punished.

I didn't abuse. I didn't abandon kids.

I have been struggling getting youngest to school. Was proactive, my calls ignored, chased up a week later, had panic attack, wrongly person rang 999, big drama, it was said after these things happen, justification no apology. Kids taken to moms by police when that happened, I rang parentline. Said I had enough don't want the trouble kids bring, not their fault, I don't want them back. Mom brought them back earlier than was agreed. Said she was having a breakdown with youngest, and mom was physically pulling hair out. Idont want kids still now, n one will give me a break asked ss for break they said no money. Ex and mom won't have them. I can't have this crappy, it is kids abusing me wrecking house all time, punching me, doing the brainwashing bullying until I break like their dad did. Thisis so unhealthy, I. cant escape. I am at the point today of wanting to go to prison, being sent by youngest who won't go to school, i think I will be. greeted in prison.

How can u get free of kids, mom works with sn and always said youngest worst. Ex left I think privately in part as physically and emotionally he couldn't cope with youngest, when in yr one.

I get blamed for youngest or divorce blamed, youngest always like this.

I need to get away I feel I am being abused worse then when I was a child it wife by a child.

Was told this morning loads of projections, I now know it was what us felt about the ex not me. Also youngest admitted they feel happy when I am depressed, and they r depressed when I am happy.

I can't be in this wrong relationship anymore,I can't escape.

bejeezus Thu 13-Oct-11 12:55:07

i don't know what to say but bump

Rogers1 Thu 13-Oct-11 13:11:14

I'm so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time if things. Having know of similar circumstances... Have you approached the school about your youngest? Try working with them to gain advice. I would also speak to your GP...counselling may be an option.
You need to break this cycle of abuse...counselling may be able to restore your self-worth & make you strong enough to deal with your children.

HerScaryness Thu 13-Oct-11 13:15:43

Have you contact Homestart? they can help with family issues. the children are acting like this due to the abuse, OK that's not helpful to you right now, but you need help.

Try to calm yourself, and try to explain the issues you are having to the GP, they may be able to provide medication for you to cope in the short term, and it may be that you can access child psychologists to help the youngest.

No it won't be over night, but any improvement will be worth something. don't give up love, you'll all get through this, you really will, but you may need some additional help along the way.

Lemonylemon Thu 13-Oct-11 13:19:19

Go and see your GP and ask for a reference to CAHMS. Also ask for a SN assessment. You have to keep pushing..... Sorry that you're in this situation, you poor thing......

ladyGeraldine Thu 13-Oct-11 13:22:23

Rogers, counselling let me see I can't fix youngest, youngest has to stop controlling me, that's why youngest got worse behaviour. It is getting self worth for first time that makes me not want to live with someone abusing me. I know its a child, its still abuse of me. Go, oh I tried ex tried, no referrals, except once, and youngest didn't want to go. Won't go to school. I get punished not child. I want to be on my own and have a free life and peace.

Someone must know how. Ss said if I leave kids I get done and criminal record, ex and mom abandon kids with me no one will take kids. Ss said no funding for care.

ladyGeraldine Thu 13-Oct-11 13:32:09

Herscaryneess, done all that for years. I won't take being threatened or scapegoated any more. Being wrongly arrested , although not on paper under mental health act, brought to hospital, and sent straight home was traumatic and further abuse of me, they treated me badly it was wrong that they were called in first place. The person I. called chasing an advocate made amistake and it was me that paid price. My private medical info discussed on street in police walky rallies, they should never been called, i was no threat to me or anyone, said what do i need to do to get heard, had a. panic attack, then public humiliation and talked to and treated like crappy, because I want help for child not going school.

Years of crap to be their mum from the kids and others, hear me I want to be alone.

Rogers1 Thu 13-Oct-11 15:04:22

I do not mean to sound harsh...as you obviously have suffered...but you can not give up on them. It must be hard to feel the strength when it is obvious you haven't had that support yourself. You do not deserve to be treated badly..by anyone...

bejeezus Thu 13-Oct-11 15:24:57

hear me I want to be alone

i dont think you get that choice. they are your children.

you need to find help to make things better for all of you

izzywhizzysfritenite Thu 13-Oct-11 18:27:46

How many dc you have living at home? How old are they and are they male/female?

ladyGeraldine Thu 13-Oct-11 19:37:51

None. I spoke to ss said I don't want these problems, they are with relatives. Ss trying to get in touch with ex. I feel relieved like I have left an abusive partner. I won't b shouted at, punched, have to walk on egg shels now. Feel dreadfull for kids, it was this or I would have to ...

FabbyChic Thu 13-Oct-11 19:53:28

You sound like you need help to parent. Your children need to learn respect but sounds like they have none. You yourself have never been shown any respect and don't know how to parent because you had bad parents.

I bet you have been anything for an easy life, so your kids always got away with things so as they got older the situation got worse.

Im sorry things are so bad for you, I hope that someone listens.

ladyGeraldine Thu 13-Oct-11 20:13:27

Fabby you are correct. It's too late. I am going to try and enjoy the few years of half decent health I have left. I want some good memories. Physical health only getting worse. I will be hated and blamed, at least now I will be physically and mentally safe. Poor kids.

izzywhizzysfritenite Thu 13-Oct-11 20:13:44

It seem that you've got what you wanted and that you are home alone without your dc.

However, from what you've said, it doesn't sound as if being with their father will be the right move for them and it is unlikely to be conducive to helping them come to terms with what they've experienced in their short lives and bringing, or positive changes in their behaviour.

Do you intend to wash your hands of your dc completely, or are you intending to take this time away from them to seek help to bring about changes in your outlook that will enable you to parent your dc in ways which will help them to resolve their conflicted feelings?

The problem is that the abuse you suffered as a child led you into the arms of an abuser with whom you produced dc and who, if they do not get the parental guidance and professional help they desperately need, will continue to perpetuate a cycle of abuse through generations.

Is that what you want for your grandchildren?

ladyGeraldine Thu 13-Oct-11 20:17:25

I kept going for years. I asked for help for years, was ignored. I am a physical nursing and getting worse, no cure available for condition.

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