Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

estranged dad wants to meet up - not sure if I can...(sorry long)

(2 Posts)
whojamaflip Thu 13-Oct-11 11:17:32

Hi will try and keep this as brief as pos.....

Parents split and divorced 8yrs ago after F had an affair and moved in with ow. Left DM with no money - had remortgaged family home and run up loads of debt on cards ete. Bascially he skipped the country (went to Eire) and turned his back on the lot. M has managed to clear her bit of debt (joint acc OD) with help from me and her db and is now re-building her life.

F plays the poor me card constantly and about 3 years ago I had enough - I was doing all the running - sending texts, letter, emails to keep in touch with him - my reasoning was that what had happened between dm and him was their concern - and that it shouldn't affect my relationship with either of them (tbh I just wanted a quiet life and refused to be drawn into the middle). Anyway contact with him was like pulling teeth - last meet-up was when I was in Dublin for a family funeral - which he refused to go to cos he said the family was out to get him (it was his sister ffs) about 4 yrs ago.

I got fed up with it being one way traffic - me doing all the running and getting nothing in return - no b'day cards, no Christmas cards, not even a text message which didn't contain a tale of woe about how horrible his life was and how everyone is against him. Not even an acknowlegement of the fact I have 4dcs, (2 he's never met) and hes supposed to be their gf?

So anyway no contact at all for the last 18mths when out of the blue I get a letter - again full of woe - saying he will be in London in March and he wants me to meet up with him at the hotel he will be staying at.

I don't want to............I've come round to the idea that my F is not interested in me or mine and thats fine. Dubious of the reason for meeting up - suspect he wants money (hes asked before). AIBU?

lynniep Thu 13-Oct-11 11:26:11

Short answer - No - YANBU. If you dont want to do it, especialy if you think his motives are dodgy, then dont. You've done your bit. You dont need him. Sack it.

I have a mildy similar situation with an estranged parent (Not-so-DM). I have given up trying and it really doesnt bother me. DH now and again nags me to try again, but I really can't understand why as I cant see how trying to get her back in my life benefits me or my DC. They have a lovely DG(ranny) and DS(tep)N(anna) and they dont need any more than that.

Stick to your guns. You can only give people so many chances. If its REALLY important he should come to you - not expect you to meet him in some London hotel, or come and see you NOW not March. If he cant afford that, then he should PICK UP THE PHONE (sorry, shouting at him, not you)

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: