Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New relationship sex issue

(63 Posts)
objectonly Mon 10-Oct-11 18:33:33

I've name changed...
This is possibly going to sound like a troll but I'm honestly not.

Ok, my problem is that I'm a few (6/7) weeks into a new relationship, after a long and mostly sexless marriage, and this new man seemed really nice, until we started having sex.

We used to text flirt a bit during the day. Now all he can text me about is going down on me, all he wants to talk about is how he is going to go down on me. When we are having sex, he just looks at my lady parts for ages like it's a fascinating new invention and I feel like if I could chop that part of my anatomy and leave it with him he wouldn't care or miss the rest of me at all. It's like an obsession and I feel like I'm not a person to him any more.

I don't know if this is normal, to get so interested in your new partner's genitals. To be honest I am finding it very creepy and I am thinking of ending things. I don't know if I'm overreacting though, I don't have a lot of relationship experience and I don't know if I am being unfair to him.
I don't have any healthy relationship experience really, I don't know how to judge if someone is nice.
Should I be... flattered? Is it creepy? sad

lifechanger Mon 10-Oct-11 18:35:33

Talk to him about how it makes you feel. Some men just do fetishise one particular aspect of sex - the issue here is how it's making you feel.

Talk to him.

HerScaryness Mon 10-Oct-11 18:36:35

creepy.

cyb Mon 10-Oct-11 18:37:12

Erm, whats his number?

<gets pencil>

HerScaryness Mon 10-Oct-11 18:37:39

He's fixated and you are not feeling a whole person around him, it's not right. You sound as if he's objectifying you already.

Red Flag.

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht Mon 10-Oct-11 18:38:12

if you are thinking it's creepy, then it's creeping you out!

any other pointers or red flags before you got in the sack with him?

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht Mon 10-Oct-11 18:38:37

lol cyb

cyb Mon 10-Oct-11 18:38:51

Do you talk at other times? Or does he always have his mouth full, so to speak

craftyknickers Mon 10-Oct-11 18:43:15

Very creepy if you ask me.

If you are uncomfortable with it then you need to say something.

Is that the only issue you have or does he show any other weird characterisitics?

BertieBotts Mon 10-Oct-11 18:46:28

I would probably end it too. He might be a weirdo, he might not be, either way you don't sound well suited.

Also, you aren't obliged to keep going out with someone just because they are nice to you, you know smile

objectonly Mon 10-Oct-11 18:54:31

Sorry for the double post. Can I get them merged?

I did try to talk to him but he just said he really really likes doing it. I am interested in the two sorts of replies I'm getting because that's how I feel. I feel like maybe I am lucky because physically it feels nice and he is good at it, but I do feel a bit weird about it and maybe it is a red flag. I can't decide between the two.

In reply to someone on the other thread I do mean just staring for ages. Just looking!

BertieBotts Mon 10-Oct-11 19:02:39

I think the "lucky you" answers are tongue in cheek grin

DP is good at and enjoys oral. He's not obsessed with it. That would be a real turn off for me.

If it bothers you, then don't worry about the fact that others might like it and worry about whether you should be grateful - let them have him, if they want him! You'll find someone else who is good at oral and realises you have a face.

EricNorthmansMistress Mon 10-Oct-11 19:04:36

Red flag! Come on people, the guy likes sex, likes giving oral and finds the sight of her vulva arousing. It's not abusive behaviour hmm

OP, are you comfortable with it? Do you have hang ups about oral sex, are you happy being 'admired' sexually, does it turn you on or make you feel self conscious? If you feel self conscious then tell him, but be aware that confidence is incredibly sexy and you can get turned on by the effect you have on your partner if you get over your shyness and enjoy it. It's understandable if you aren't used to it that you might feel a bit unsure, lots of women find it a bit uncomfortable due to baseless worries about look/smell/taste of it, but if you find a man who loves it then enjoy smile

BertieBotts Mon 10-Oct-11 19:09:01

It's not necessarily a red flag (though if he's aware it makes her uncomfortable and is still doing it then it is one) but OP doesn't like it, that doesn't make her some kind of prude.

beatenbyayellowskull Mon 10-Oct-11 19:13:04

personally it sounds like he feels like a kid in a candy store.

i wouldn't really like it either - i'd be wondering is he has ever seen one before?!

IWantWine Mon 10-Oct-11 19:14:32

cyb lol get in the queue!!!!

OP I would really take that as a big compliment!

Why not give it some time and see if the situation improves! Like you say it is a new relationship!

objectonly Mon 10-Oct-11 19:16:41

Hmm. I do enjoy it, mostly. And it does feel nice to be admired and desired. But... it's just to this extent feels strange. I don't know how to explain it.

He is very sexy and I like having sex with him. But. I feel like he is having sex with a thing down there rather than with me half the time.
Sometimes I feel that he's like a boy with an engrossing hobby. I feel like an insect under a pin. I don't like that feeling.

objectonly Mon 10-Oct-11 19:18:54

I said on my other post he was married for eleven years before.

BertieBotts Mon 10-Oct-11 19:23:41

OP. It's simple. You don't like it. Stop worrying! You could dump him for less than this if you wanted and still be totally reasonable, it's a new relationship.

HairyGrotter Mon 10-Oct-11 19:33:58

I love a man who can dine out on chez HairyGrotter well, BUT I draw the line at my coochie being stared out...have a word, it's getting cold.

WinduhPAYNE Mon 10-Oct-11 19:42:41

oes he treat you well out of the bedroom? Do you like all the other aspects of the relationship?

If so, then maybe as HairyGrotter says 'have a word' otherwise dump

WinduhPAYNE Mon 10-Oct-11 19:43:02

Does

Fuckedupagain Mon 10-Oct-11 19:44:07

Sounds a bit weird. Sorry

MangoMonster Mon 10-Oct-11 19:46:01

I cam understand why it's creepig you out. Give it some time and if he doesn't get over his initial obsession I'd have a chat with him. It might be that it makes him horny and is a bit of a fetish, but it might subside. Or when he does the staring thing, guide him back to your face and see his reaction, maybe he thinks it's sexy for you, although I can't see how.

stayforappledunking Mon 10-Oct-11 19:47:19

Has he maybe not...seen many?! Perhaps he is just rather thrilled at the prospect of getting a good eyeful! I would find it creepy though, laid there being ogled. Maybe mention it and say you would rather he didnt...stare. Nicely. Then see how it goes. He isnt going to know you find it creepy if you dont say.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now