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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Tips for squirrelling money away?

48 replies

tallwivghoulies · 09/10/2011 11:59

There seems to be quite a few threads at the moment where women are trapped in horrendous marriages because they have no access to money.

A while back there was a thread, which turned out to be a troll-thread so was deleted, but it brought out every fabulously devious, sneaky, resourceful mnetter who put forward some great ideas for squirrelling.

I remember a poster asking at the time for it not to be deleted because it could prove useful to other financially abused women (these women are often told that of course they can go, just don't expect to take the children...)

Advice I remember - do the weekly shop by credit card and get bits of cash back...buy clothes from places like m&s and get a refund. I'm sure there are loads of others that wily mnetters can think of.

OP posts:

Report

Cheeseandharps · 09/10/2011 12:30

Open an online account (be careful if you've got shared computer access) and if possible use a friend's address for paperwork. It's not always a good idea to get cashback on a credit card with an H or P who scrutinises receipts.

Have a couple of stashes of money in the house, hide them in empty CD cases or empty medicine packets, basically anywhere he's unlikely to look.

tallwivghoulies · 09/10/2011 13:16

Nice one, cheese. Also, any friends that do ebay, get them to sell some stuff for you?

OP posts:

bemybebe · 09/10/2011 13:34

How about going to see a divorce lawyer if you need to "squirrel" anything. Worth a thought, ah?

thereinmadnesslies · 09/10/2011 13:34

Tesco seem ok to do refunds without checking that it's the same card, so you could buy clothing then get it refunded to a secret account card

BertieBotts · 09/10/2011 13:35

Be careful with the cashback. I've noticed recently that when I get cashback from the co-op it now shows up separately on my bank statement. Which is useful for me budgeting but not so much in your situation.

Remember as well that if you are desperate, you can enter a refuge with no money at all. They will sort a small amount out for you immediately when you arrive and then help you sort out benefits etc.

SirSugar · 09/10/2011 14:13

I eard once about Arab women who would buy expensive clothes/bags etc in shops with husbands credit cards which they were allowed to do, then selling the items through a second hand dress agency and getting cash

garlicScaresVampires · 09/10/2011 14:34

This from my rich great-aunts: only works if you own some really good jewellery though! Take your best pieces to a good jeweller for cleaning. While they've got your stuff, have them make paste copies. Sell the originals.

Look for 'undercover work' you can do, both online and off - maybe 'help a friend' with housework or children, when it's really a job? See if any local sandwich shops would like to buy a few cakes if you're a baking wizard. If you can do dressmaking or knitting, make things and sell them on eBay. Cards and jewellery are good bets for small profits, too.

Earn tiny amounts online by writing reviews and completing surveys. I've done this and it's a hell of a lot of work for the money (the review sites work on a popularity/voting basis, so you have to network as well as write) but it does build up.

I also made small amounts by creating content in Second Life - again, a lousy deal but quite engrossing for geeks, and you can let your credit build in-game before taking it out in US dollars via PayPal.

PayPal's a bit of a godsend, imo. There are fees for receiving money, but it's all legit. As well as having proceeds sent to your bank account, you can get a PayPal Mastercard, which lets you spend the money in your account straight away.

garlicScaresVampires · 09/10/2011 14:44

I once had a cleaning lady who was a secret scriptwriter. Her P knew about the cleaning jobs, but not the writing - she did it in extra hours added on to the cleaning. This story has an incredibly happy ending: she sold a TV series for loads of dosh

Anyone with a creative talent could give her strategy a go: if you get the odd freelance fee, have them pay it through PayPal (or into your secret bank account) and watch it build up. You can also try selling works online through sites such as deviantart.

Savings stamps still exist: the Co-op does them (£1 stamps) and I'm sure other places do, too.

jasper · 09/10/2011 15:13

Leave.
Get a Job

NinkyNonker · 09/10/2011 16:07

Need money to leave eh rocket scientist?

akaemmafrost · 09/10/2011 16:14

I have a SN child and can't work jasper. What should I do smarty pants?

Always one isn't there?

I used to go through exes pockets after he had a big night out. He never remembered what he spent so that was pretty lucrative.

tallwivghoulies · 09/10/2011 17:17

Aye, akaemma, there's always the empathetic posters...

And 'see a divorce lawyer' - hey, why didn't I think of that?

some great ideas here though - I love garlic's story.

OP posts:

bemybebe · 09/10/2011 20:17

tall I am sorry, i don't want to upset you... but i am not sure that what you are planing to do is either ethical or legal. going through the pockets?? deliberately buying stuff with the purpose to return and get refund to a different card?
what is actually wrong with seeing the divorce lawyer and asking what your position is with regards to assets? it was not intended as a dig and i do not apologize for asking again.

garlicScaresVampires · 09/10/2011 20:21

The problem, bebe, is that a woman with no access to money - or, sometimes, a phone, transport or even keys to her own house - cannot just pop out to see a solicitor and then have the paperwork posted to her.

smackapacca · 09/10/2011 20:23

Anyone who has the ways and means to get to (and pay for) a divorce lawyer are unlikely to be the vulnerable people the OP is referring to.

These are likely to be the people who's partners spy on every action, are violent, threaten the victim/children. They are the people who withold the money/financial means to escape.

If it were that easy there'd be no refuges or DV hotlines as everyone who wanted to leave would just do it lawfully at their own convenience.

tallwivghoulies · 09/10/2011 20:27

What garlic and smacka said far more comprehensively than I could

OP posts:

tallwivghoulies · 09/10/2011 20:34

Oh, and ethical and legal? - yes, I think it is.

OP posts:

chickchickchicken · 09/10/2011 20:36

wish i could think of tips for hiding money. going through the pockets is a good idea

yes, there are women who have no freedom whatsoever. i know of a woman who was only ever allowed to leave the house to go to the GP. even then her dh took her and waited in the waiting room. she had no money and no way other than via her GP to seek help. when she was ready to leave she went into see GP, dh was in waiting room, and she was taken out the back door and to a refuge. it was her only way of leaving

when someone is living with an abusive partner they have to take whatever steps they can to keep themselves safe and if that means hiding money to use to escape then so be it

TheFidgetySheep · 09/10/2011 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smackapacca · 09/10/2011 20:40

Crikey Chick - that's incredible. Is she safe now? Did it have a 'good' outcome?

chickchickchicken · 09/10/2011 20:45

yes, she got to safety. she was incredibly brave to leave as she was in fear of her life and him finding her. this was a few years ago. afaik she never went back. she was absolutely determined that she was never going back to that life

gapants · 09/10/2011 20:48

jasper that was nasty.

Use cash as much as possible instead of cards as you can return items, exchange for cheaper items and pocket the cash instead of it going back on to a card.

Set up another bank account/credit card in your name, but at a (very) good mates address.

trying to think here.....not sure.

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bemybebe · 09/10/2011 21:01

lawyers give the first consultation free of charge and can give a good idea of what the entitlement is... there is not need to fight alone. if someone can go shopping to return an item they can go to see a lawyer

LittleWhiteWereWolf · 09/10/2011 21:04

Bemybebe, you are incredibly naive to think that. I think this is a brilliant thread for women in a very vulnerable and fraught situation and no-one should be discouraged from using means such as hiding money to free themselves (and usually their children, too) from dangerous lives and individuals.

Divorce lawyers and divisions of assets and such like are secondary to the very real need to escape safely and it takes planning and money to get away. If the money is acquired through going through pockets and returning items for cash then so be it.

smackapacca · 09/10/2011 21:09

Well bemybebe I think we'll have to disagree. I don't have firsthand experience of this situation, but I do know that whilst a 30 mins consultation should be free, that wouldn't be it would it? What about people who have their keystrokes recorded/phones bugged. Even if it weren't that extreme, phone records. Everybody who isn't in an abusive relationship seems to have a little snoop around. To get to that point where you're frightened for your safety must be terrifying. What if you're seen? What about paperwork being posted to your home address? If it were that straightforward then that's what people would do. If it were as easy as that then why aren't they doing it?

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