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If your DP came home and said he had a private dance at a strip club....

(228 Posts)
LilllyLovesLife Sat 08-Oct-11 18:40:26

What would your reaction be?

GreenMonkies Sat 08-Oct-11 18:47:00

I'd be very pissed off. In fact when my ex did this we had a big bust up. Going to the strip club I could deal with (he was on a stag night) but having a private/lap dance really pissed me off, especially as he'd promised me he wouldn't, and then did it anyway.

But that's just me.

FeelMyWraith Sat 08-Oct-11 18:48:58

I'd think he'd had a personality transplant. He would NOT do this and I would not be married to a man who would.

I'd be devastated. I struggle with feelings that he doesn't find me attractive. If he came home with that news it would finish me off.

faverolles Sat 08-Oct-11 18:50:49

I would lose all trust.
I think I would ask him to leave.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 08-Oct-11 18:52:47

I would wonder what was in his drink. He just wouldn't go in a lap dance place never mind have a private dance.

Kayano Sat 08-Oct-11 18:53:34

I would ask 'was she fit?'

As long as I knew he was going to one beforehand I couldn't give two hoots if he had a private dance or not

I'm very secure in my trust of DH and know he will have done just what he has said

LynetteScavo Sat 08-Oct-11 18:54:05

I would want to know exactly who paid for it. It had better not been paid for out of our family budget.

I would then give him a lecture on women as equals/sex trafficking etc until his eyes glazed over.

The actual private dance bit wouldn't bother me any more than him glancing at a woman in the street.

Wouldn't be too impressed if he told me he'd shagged her, though.

susiedaisy Sat 08-Oct-11 18:55:11

I would be gutted,sad did he say why he done it?

PeppermintPumpkin Sat 08-Oct-11 18:55:36

If by private dance you mean he paid for a one on one dance/strip then I'd kick him out. I really would. I don't know if that sounds extreme, but it would be a deal breaker for me. And I think that is really because I find the whole idea of the sex industry totally vile, and if my partner didn't, I would immediately cut him out as it would be too fundamental a difference for me to ever accept it.

Elderberries Sat 08-Oct-11 18:56:30

What FeelMyWraith said...

AuntieMaggie Sat 08-Oct-11 18:57:28

Depends - DP did this on a stag weekend away with the lads but he's only ever been to a strip club about twice as its not really his thing so yes I was a bit miffed.

If he did it in our local city on a normal night out I'd be wtf????

Kayano Sat 08-Oct-11 18:57:48

Blummin heck, now I feel like I'm really peculiar blush

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sat 08-Oct-11 19:01:42

The way I'm feeling right now I'd be gutted. And pissed off that he had spent family money on something so selfish. (We don't have much money)

HoneyMomster Sat 08-Oct-11 19:02:18

I'd be gutted.
It's more likely than not the girl was vulnerable and exploited to some degree.
I don't like the commercialisation of sex.
I wouldn't want my dh getting his jollies from someone else, whether he masked it with 20 quid or not. If your next door neighbour ground into his lap til he came would you be happy with it?

I've no desire to pretend to be cool and liberated about this to void being seen as a prude.
real liberation is being free to express your own real feelings, not to squash yourself into a box of someone elses' devising. society was just s rigid 60 years ago re women's sexuality, nowadays it's confining us in the other direction.

Allboxedin Sat 08-Oct-11 19:02:32

Not acceptable for me and he knows to not even go there. Every relationship has it's boundaries,every relatonship needs respect for the other - he might as well rub my face in the dirt.

TheTamingOfTheShrew Sat 08-Oct-11 19:03:23

I'd be gone in a flash! Can't abide that sort of thing

PaulaMummyKnowsBest Sat 08-Oct-11 19:03:25

wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest because my Dh and I would have talked about it before he left the house.

He loves me...not some random stranger who gets her bits out for anyone

Allboxedin Sat 08-Oct-11 19:05:04

...and I agree with honey, No 'cool,liberation' stuff for me either, I have spent years regaining confidence in who I am and who I am supposed to be, to respect myself, no one is going to take me down the other road again and make my hard work worthless.

RightUpMyRue Sat 08-Oct-11 19:05:17

I wonder who the hell had stolen my DP and replaced him with this spendthrift?!

I would seriously surprised, shocked even that he had spent money on having someone wiggle in front of him.

I'd feel insecure about myself too, about my body and how he viewed it after having someone no doubt slimmer than me, in the flesh, jiggling for him. I'd be hurt.

HoneyMomster Sat 08-Oct-11 19:05:27

it's not about love, for me anywy, its about respect. for me as wife and for lap dancer as person not object

Malificence Sat 08-Oct-11 19:06:02

I'd lose every ounce of respect I ever had for him and our marriage would be over.
Completely hypothetical btw as he would never set foot in one, he refused to take work clients into one a few years ago so he certainly wouldn't go into one of his own volition.

Kayano, it has zero to do with trust for most women who would object and everything to do with respect, or rather the lack of it, for women.

Lifeissweet Sat 08-Oct-11 19:11:16

I'm with Malificence. It would make me lose my respect for him as a person and make me change my entire outlook on his personality to use a woman in that way. I would think he has an underlying attitude about women as a commodity and I couldn't live with someone like that.

I know he loves me and finds me attractive. That side of it would be irrelevant. I'd just feel sickened that he can show me love and respect yet treat another woman with such demeaning disrespect.

ShroudOfHamsters Sat 08-Oct-11 19:12:48

I'd be out.

He wouldn't be the man I thought I'd married.

travellingwilbury Sat 08-Oct-11 19:14:45

I would kick his arse and wonder what the hell had happened to the man I had married .

There is nothing "cool" about it in my eyes , it is just wrong in every way to me .

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