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Has anyone had a trial separation? What happened to you?

(5 Posts)
GoneAWOL Sat 08-Oct-11 14:46:04

I have left my husband for 2 months to see how I feel. I have gone to the other end of the country, and am relying on friends and the phone to keep me going. It's lonely, but I am not missing DH. we have talked on the phone about the kids ( adults now) but other than that I feel no need to talk to him.

The reason I have only gone for 2 months is financial- I can afford to rent this house and not work as much ( am self employed) for a while, but a longer separation would have meant finding other work etc.

I wonder if the fact I am not missing DH means it's the right move to have made, or it's still too soon to know, or if the idea that he wants me back is making me feel secure and not scared of life on my own.

The history is just a long marriage gone stale, and drifitng apart, plus a lot of anger & resentment on my part for some of his behaviour ( including not pulling his weight at home.)

Don't want to give too much more info on that but would really appreciate thoughts from anyone else who has done this.

LittleHouseofHorror Sat 08-Oct-11 16:18:25

Hi GoneAWOL I don't think two months is enough time to reassess your life. I left a year ago and only now has my anger and resentment settled to the point where I can meet H and have a family meal without bristling at him.

I knew I didn't want to go back again but my H was so devastated I called it a trial separation to make it more bearable for him. The first place I lived in was tiny and had no room for my DC so after 5 months I moved into a nice little house (hence my name). This seems to have been the signal to H that I would not be going back. As long as I was in a transit camp he believed I would return to the fold.

Has he started doing more around the house without you? Or hired a housekeeper? or is it sliding into chaos? Do you care?

Who are you leaning on emotionally now that you are apart from him? Do you have close friends or family to talk to? Do you feel you need anyone?

Sorry for all the questions but it helps build a better picture!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 09-Oct-11 04:48:42

How long have you been gone from the family home?

nothaunted Sun 09-Oct-11 08:38:29

I think a trial separation is a fab idea, but two months away doesn't seem that long - I guess you've been married a long time. How about at least a week for every year you were married/with him? If DCs are adults do you need to discuss them at all? Also perhaps passing a significant date away from him ie birthday or anniversary, even Christmas.
Poor sods grin - it's when the DCs have left that women often leave Hs after years of a non-relationship.
You sound clear-headed about it all except the financial/housing situation. So get comfy, sit down and drawn up list of various pros and cons.
And perhaps set a date for you and he to meet for lunch to calmly discuss things. Work on enjoying being alone then you won't feel so lonely. Personally I feel envy at your situation. Good luck

2wwmadness Sun 09-Oct-11 08:49:08

We had a trial separation 2 years ago and it was the best thing that happened to us, genuinely. We were apart 6 months, but met up for "dates" (some rows/lots of tears and truths/ some amazing times) from about 3 months. I guess it depends on the circumstances of your split? And how much anger was there?

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