Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Finally got DH out of house - how long will it feel so lonely around here?

(4 Posts)
cakeisnotenough Fri 07-Oct-11 23:37:24

I've been with DH for 20yrs. He's been really hard work to live with over the years but we had some great times too and part of me will always love him (we have 2 teenage DCs). He is an alcoholic and he absolutely cannot live with us any more - his relapses have been unbearable for all of us. Now he has finally gone the house is calm and peaceful. But how long will it be until this all feels normal to me and the DCs? I'm relieved that he's gone as i don't have to watch his self destruction but I'm also feeling a massive void and the house feels 'empty'. How long will this last?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 07-Oct-11 23:51:47

I doubt that it will last very long because nature abhors a vacuum and, very soon, 'calm and peaceful' will become your preferred state.

You'll find yourself contrasting it with the way you, your life, and your home was previously, and shudder at how easily abnormal seemed normal.

However, if you became addicted to the melodrama of living with an alcoholic, it may take longer for you to 'dry out, quit the habit, and fill any inner void you may be feeling.

cakeisnotenough Sat 08-Oct-11 00:00:05

Thanks Izzy. I think you may be right when you say that I was possibly addicted to the drama he often created. In my lonelier times I wonder whether I have done the right thing for all of us - common sense tells me that I have. I just hope that I can stay strong and not let him back again once this relapse is over.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 08-Oct-11 00:20:17

What you're experiencing is not unusual and if you ever feel yourself wobbling, come straight back here before you wobble some more!

If they haven't done so already, encourage your dc to look at this link so that they can begin to articulate and process their feelings about living with an alcoholic parent www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen/is-alateen-for-you.html and don't hestitate to source therapy for them as they may be feeling the full gamut of the contrasting emotions of love and anger towards their df, and may in future be drawn to relationships which mirror the ones they've had with him.

People who live with alcoholics and other dependent personalities are often 'rescuers' and, before you go rescuing more needy types, you may need to rescue yourself. To this end, consider counselling so that you can begin to process your experiences of the past 20 years, and recognise what you need to do to ensure that the next 20 are not merely a duplicate of the past.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now