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would you ever ignore an old friend who got in touch?

(15 Posts)
onetimefriend Fri 07-Oct-11 16:24:36

Because that's what someone has done to me.
I was friends with X for about 4 years- not long, I know. When we first met she was in a bad place relationship wise etc and we got close quite quickly.

However, just as she picked her life up, I began to have problems in mine and became needy far too needy. I used to call her when I needed advice and I think over the months she got a bit fed up. When I say I called her, I mean maybe once a month or so- not daily!

Anyway, I began to think she was trying to drop me as a friend, and have not seen her for a year. we exchanged Xmas cards but nothing since.

I posted back a book to her I had borrowed adn got no reply.

I emailed her a week ago to say that I hoped the book had arrive, hoped everything was working out for her- and apologised for my neediness. I said I hoped she was okay and if she ever wanted to have a coofee if she was passing, let me know.

Nothing from her. I feel a bit miffed.

ShowerGel Fri 07-Oct-11 22:37:24

I came across a saying the other day that seems pertinent to you:
'If someone wants to be part of your life they'll make an effort to be in it. So don't bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.'

I've copied it as my own reminder about relationships that fall off the radar.

Beamur Fri 07-Oct-11 22:39:29

I'm still miffed about a friend I thought I was close to, not bothering to stay in contact or indicating in any way what went wrong. It's not a nice feeling, but life goes on smile

Hassled Fri 07-Oct-11 22:40:04

Don't be miffed. Your view of events won't necessarily correlate to yours; you'll each have different views of the same events. She's moved on - and you need to do the same. It's sad, if you liked her and cared about her, but out of your control.

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 07-Oct-11 22:40:28

No, I'd acknowledge the contact even if I didn't want to stay friends. Plain rude otherwise. But for the second time tonight I find myself agreeing with ShowerGel - her saying is particularly pertinent for me at the moment.

HamstersDontSwim Fri 07-Oct-11 22:45:30

I've let 2 lovley friends down over the past couple of years and I hope they will forgive me.
They may well think that I'm too busy/happy with my new life, but I just cant face them as they know me too well.

Your friend may have other things going on.

If I were you. I would get on with my life, keeping an open heart for if/when she gets back in touch.

You sound reall nice and a good mate btw smile

HamstersDontSwim Fri 07-Oct-11 22:45:58


tallwivglasses Sat 08-Oct-11 01:41:19

I agree, you do seem really nice onetime.

Your post has made me think about friends I've lost, friends I've chosen to back off from a bit, others I really didn't mean to lose but didn't nurture enough at the time.

Dwelling on it all does you No Good. Getting out there and being you is the way to go - deal with the past as and when you're ready.

onetimefriend Sat 08-Oct-11 08:40:13

Awwwwwwh, thanks everyone.

I do miss her- we kind of clicked straight off.

I've got plenty of other friends, but I think what is bugging me is that I know I "made mistakes" with her, and my latest email was really saying "Sorry"!

I had hoped for just a quick email saying she was fine etc, and giving me an update- she has a new man, her house is up for sale, and I suspect they are buying together- which is great.
But - there you go.

I'll move on, I am jusy kicking myself for being a bit too needy and wish I could turn back the clock.

PeggyCarter Sat 08-Oct-11 08:49:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

did you post about this before? I seem to remember a thread about this a few weeks ago.

here it is

even down to the posting books.

If it is, then this is obviously something that is really really playing on your mind and it sounds like something you need (I hate myself for the word I am about to use) 'closure' <shudder> on this. So maybe you should email her and tell her how you feel and that while you respect her wishes, for your own piece of mind and so you can move on from this friendship, you would appreciate her reply.

thisisyesterday Sat 08-Oct-11 08:53:33

onetimefriend something similar happened to me and it's really hurtful isn't it?
I guess we just have to accept that for whatever reason, these people are not interested in continuing a friendship with us and move on.

it's hard, especially if you have been close, but there is nothing you can do really sad

onetimefriend Sat 08-Oct-11 09:03:19

Hecate- yes, I did post that.

It has preyed on my mind and I just feel sad.

The man she is now with ( and looks like it is now permanent) came into her life via internet dating and we were friends when s he signed up, met loads of frogs, then him....and I was party to the ups and downs of their relationship- so it would just be good to hear from her ...buyng together was on the cards and it looks as if they are now.

I have made a huge change in my life recently-trial separation- which I told her in my last email. A lot of my neediness was over whether to do this or not.

Not to get a response is very sad.

I don't feel I did anything so bad that I deserve this cold shoulder.

I could tell her how upset I am- but that feels to me that it just confirms my neediness and it's maybebest to let it all go.

Well yes, it would be best to just let it go.

But the fact that you're back here, posting about this again, after deciding to let it go the first time - shows that you are having trouble doing so and it is disturbing you.

It's really bothering you. I have a feeling that in another month or two you will be wanting to ask again. Because it's upsetting you, unsettling you and it's not resolved.

Maybe emailing again won't get a response, maybe she'll feel you're harrassing her, or maybe she will realise that all you want is an 'end' that you can live with, iyswim.

But yes, accepting it and moving on would be best. I just don't think you can, based on your two threads . I think it is burrowing in your head.

thisisyesterday Sat 08-Oct-11 12:22:16

i don't think you have anything to lose by e-mailing again tbh.

she may ignore it, in which case you're no worse off than you are now. or she may acknowledge it which might help you feel better, even if she confirms that she no longer wishes to keep in touch.

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