Hello all!
I actually posted about this in special needs talk as my dd possibly has mild asd. I felt that her needs were very relivent to my dilema and so that's why I started the thread there rather than here. Although I did get some good advice, I feel I could do with some fresh opinions iyswim.
OK so dp and I have been together for 8 years. We have been engaged for most of that time, but put off getting married due to money etc. At least that's what I always said. Looking back, I think i've been holding back because i'm not sure he's the right man for me.
I don't think i've felt the spark for years. Our "honeymoon period" was over pretty much as soon as it begun. For me anyway. I If you met him, you might think I was crazy not to feel the spark. He's good looking, committed, hard working, ambitious and loves me and our dd more than anything in the world. The down sides to him though seem to be over taking the good sides recently. He can be incredibly inconsiderate, rude and I sometimes feel like he doesn't know me. Whereas he finds the same things funny that I do, He very rarely makes me laugh and this is very important to me. I completely get the expression "laughed into bed". I find it bizarre sometimes that we ever got together because a sense of humour has always been so important to me. On a more worrying side, i've found myself thinking a lot about other men recently. Dp assumes that I have a low sex drive because we're not really sleeping together(been 2 months now), but really I have a very healthy sex drive, I just rarely feel that kind of desire for him. If i'm being really honest it's usually only when i've had several glasses of wine when that happens. I know i'm being very open here, but it's important for you to get the full picture so that hopefully someone can offer advice.
Everyone always says what a good couple we look. We do on the outside, look like we match, but on the inside we're so different.
I worry that when I get back to work soon someone might turn my head and i'll consider an affair. I know that's not going to help anyone. I don't believe the only reason i've stayed with him this long is for our dd, but it's certainly the biggest reason. I should say that I do love him and I can't see that ever changing. I suppose really I just want to know how important people believe being in love is, as apposed to just loving someone.
I feel too young to accept that i'll never get those butterflies again. I crave that first flush feeling. I can't stop thinking about it and in truth I can't see how me and dp can get that back. Maybe this is why i've been thinking about other men a lot recently.
Any advice or experiences would be really appreciated. Sorry for the length.
Thanks for reading.
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Relationships
What do you do when the spark has fizzled? Advice need please
13 replies
makemineaquadruple · 07/10/2011 14:49
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