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Just fed up with it all and not sure of over-reacting

(9 Posts)
stnorbus Fri 07-Oct-11 10:58:23

Name changer here.

Have been with dp for over 20 years. Have 14 year old dd.

Dp has never really backed me with regards to discipline. He tells me I am too strict, and over-react. In the meantime, he puts up wtih a lot more than me but then loses it and shouts and swears at dd, I hate it.

He has also recently started under-mining me when it is pretty obvious that dd is in the wrong. For instance, dd turning out the light in a room when she leaves it, leaving me in there in complete darkness, dp says "turn the light on, you know your mother has no sense of humour". It sounds silly but he is constantly doing this, little comments such as "your mother over-reacts", "your mother won't like it".

And when I challenge him on it, he says that I am telling him not to say anything in his own house.

It is really getting me down. I just want dp and I to be united when dealing with our dd. He even tells me off if I back him up - yesterday dd was trying to get him to look at something on her computer and he was busy working on a paid job at home and I said, dd, dad hasn't got time at the moment (he was ignoring her) and he immediately said, oh, yes I have, then when dd started talking to him after 30 seconds said, I don't have time for this.

I know it all sounds really pathetic but I am really fed up with it.

galleywench100 Fri 07-Oct-11 11:20:08

I dont think you are overreacting at all, couples should always support each other in front of the kids and if they disagree with a decision, challenge it when they are own their own out of ear shot of the child.

He sounds very dominating, to say not to challenge him in his own house!

I dont know what to suggest, but i certainly do not think you are overreacting and should have the support of your daughters dad.

BruciesDollyDealer Fri 07-Oct-11 11:27:12

a bit over reacting and a bit of him being a twat

just ignore his silly digs and he will get fed up if they dont get a reaction

coffeeinbed Fri 07-Oct-11 11:31:55

No, you're not overreacting.
It might seem like silly little things but once they add up, the big picture is very depressing.
he is a twat.

stnorbus Fri 07-Oct-11 11:59:52

Thank you for all your replies.

I DO need to stop reacting <<lightbulb moment>> as this is when we argue.

But am just so weary of it all to be honest.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Fri 07-Oct-11 12:12:53

No, you don't need to stop reacting! He needs to stop attacking you further when you respond reasonably to being undermined and criticised for perfectly reasonable behaviour.
Do you really think the solution is for you to keep quiet and accept any nasty remark whatever that your DH chooses to make about you?
Two people have said no, you are not overreacting. Why are you immediately agreeing with the one person who said you were?

coffeeinbed Fri 07-Oct-11 12:21:02

Ok, give it try if you want/ can.
Stop reacting.
I bet he'll just find something other way to undermine you. If he stops the nasty little remarks in first place.

coffeeinbed Fri 07-Oct-11 12:27:44

And he might actually escalate - he wants your reaction.
He'll just have to work harder to get it.

stnorbus Fri 07-Oct-11 12:27:45

To be honest, I am fed up with arguing. Fed up with it. It's like a vicious circle - dp says something, I respond, he tells me I'm over-reacting, we argue.

I sound like a complete sap I know, I am not normally like this in real life. But I am drained of energy.

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