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Help! DP moving 200 miles away to get away from me!!

(12 Posts)
ipukepoodles Fri 07-Oct-11 01:10:08

Need to vent off, so thought i'd write it here....

to cut a long story short, my oh so 'dp' (now ex) is moving 200 miles away from me and my ds. He says he cant stand to be with me anymore (fair enough at times iv'e been horrible - but he has too and said some unimaginable things) he used to live 200 miles away before moving down to here. He has gone self employed and there happens to be little work around here at the moment. So he's decided after a big argument that he's moving back there, to get work and be away from me. What about our son?! he says its to be a good role model for him, that i'm not a good role model (yet im currently doing my degree and looking after him) how can anyone justify moving that far away and that it's the best thing to do?! I know that if i was a dad i would rather live 5 miles away and work day in day out doing a rubbish job and get to spend time with my son then move 200 miles away, have some money (and thats where most of his friends live) and see my son once a month?! Please somebody, help!! He's come in and written down all his feelings - saying that he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't fancy me etc, i mean i don't need to hear it...he said it's over, he's moving away, i cried for an hr earlier and he was here and he just doesn't care. Then he writes his feelings down and i have to listen (he followed me around the house as i said i dont need to listen to your feelings - you made your decision and showed where your priorities lie) I'm so upset because my ds is hardly going to see his son. How unfair is it on him? He thinks he's doing the best thing, i can't make him see any other way as if i say well i'd rather work in a supermarekt 5 miles away then see my son once a month then thats me all over - lazy.

Sorry for the essay - just need others advice! Desperate! I still love him, although i know when i've got over this i'll be so angry that he's moved so far away but how can i do this?

solidgoldbrass Fri 07-Oct-11 01:17:11

He is your XP. You don't seem to be accepting that. You do not have a couple-relationship with him any more, so he is entitled to want to distance himself from you given that it sounds like you are being a complete Klingon. If he has the offer of a good job in his former home town, he will presumably be able to pay more maintenance for DS than if he stayed at home and stacked shelves. If that's where all his friends live, it's reasonable that he wants to be near them.

ipukepoodles Fri 07-Oct-11 01:30:02

probably sound like a 'klingon' as this all happened tonight....not weeks or months a go. Forget i said it!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 07-Oct-11 01:47:12

Is he living with you? If not, what is with this following you around the house reciting his feelings?

There's not much work anywhere at the moment so if he does go, it may be that he'll return if he can't find employment in his home town.

How old is ds? Is his df paying child support?

ipukepoodles Fri 07-Oct-11 01:50:46

hyes - he says that he will leave in 3 weeks, however, i cant move on with him being here obviously, but he wont leave until the 3 weeks are up (as he has a few big jobs down here to do) however, he has family down here that he could stay with but he said he doesnt want to :S

His home town is near London, his friend is in the same trade as him so can therefore get him work. Ds is 1, not paying anything at the mo as just gone self employed (well i say just, i mean for the past 3 months or so and not paid anything towards the upkeep of ds or house)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 07-Oct-11 01:59:21

Sounds as if he knows what buttons to push to upset you.

What he says he's going to do and what he actually does can be two very different things.

As for him not wanting to leave and stay with one or other of his family members, if the house is in your name tell him to leave now or you'll call the police and have him removed from your home.

Squitten Fri 07-Oct-11 08:06:11

Whose house are you living in? If he's not contributing to the home in any way, kick the freeloader out!

Anniegetyourgun Fri 07-Oct-11 08:46:34

You really are going to be so much better off without him once you've got over the shock. He's not just running away back to his comfort zone, he's making sure you not only get the blame for it but feel as badly as possible about it. That is not a nice man.

You're not going to make him "see sense" either. He's made his mind up and the best argument in the world won't sway him. He's not doing this because it's the most sensible step, or to be a good role model (by living 200 miles away from his son, how's that going to work?), but because it's what he wants to do and he'll make up any old argument to justify it.

So, mourn the fact that the father of your baby has turned out to be a shit, help him pack and wave him goodbye. Three more weeks of this kind of behaviour and you'll be more than glad to see the back of him.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 07-Oct-11 08:52:15

Three more days would be 71hrs 59 minutes too long for me angry

Tell him he's convinced you... that it's best that he leaves sooner rather than later, and start packing his stuff.

Fenella1212 Fri 07-Oct-11 09:59:31

He wants out, but he wants to assuage his guilt by persuading himself it's your fault. Horrible situation for you and I hope you start to feel much better once he and his button pushing are out of your life.

solidgoldbrass Fri 07-Oct-11 10:02:53

Actually, reading the thread again, by this morning they will have 'made up' and the man will be staying put. I misunderstood the OP last night and didn't realise that the X bit was as of a few minutes before posting.
OP if you come back to the thread, listen to the others and get rid of this bloke. He's trying to frighten you with the threat of singlehood, in order to make you accept any bad behaviour on his part and indulge his every whim so that he will not leave.

BruciesDollyDealer Fri 07-Oct-11 10:15:07

he isnt your partner

the choices he now makes dont concern you. What he chooses to do about his children are his responsibility

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