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To trust or not to trust

(7 Posts)
RiaMayAndJunior Thu 06-Oct-11 15:12:24

I feel such a mess and need some third party advice.
I've been with my fiancee for nearly 3 years, have one beautiful daughter and currently expecting number 2.
When we first got together he told me he was divorced. I then found out 5 months in that he's not and found texts on his phone from her which basically proved she was still on the scene. Since then he's lied to me several times and now I don't believe a word he says. I never went to his house he lived in and he only moved in with me this jan and our daughter was born in may. Previous to that he used to stay away 2 nights a week I had no idea where he was and some nights he barely called.
I only met his parents the day after I had my daughter until then they never knew of me. Things have happened since where I seen post for her at his parents, she was on the electoral roll for his old address for last year and this when he told me she moved out and he never knew where she was plus she is on the electoral roll at his parents this year too. She still has his surname on facebook and the week after I had our daughter she changed her status to married and had previously uploaded photos of birthday flowers and teddy from him, why do that if your separated?
Anyway, I feel like I can't trust him. I get a weird feeling when I'm around his parents and his mum has even walked away from me and my baby when in the street because she saw someone she knew. I'm so confused.
sad I don't feel like I can deal with all this anymore

windsorTides Thu 06-Oct-11 16:34:50

Yes, he's untrustworthy, yes, you were the OW and yes, it's highly likely he's still conducting relationships with both of you.

But 5 months in, you knew all this and still continued the relationship and created two children with him. The evidence was hitting you in the face at regular intervals, but you chose to ignore it.

I'd send him packing and just ensure he pays child support. I hope his wife does the same.

Rowtheboatashore Thu 06-Oct-11 16:46:58

I'm afraid that you definitely should not trust this man. One way or another try to get on with your own life with the kids. It sounds to me like he is still leading a relationship and family life with his wife, who is supported by her parents in law. From what you've written, neither he nor his parents are going to support you (although WindsorTides is right that you should get him to pay child support) and you'll almost certainly need to move on from them all. Do you have friends and family you can turn to for support and help?

steelchic Thu 06-Oct-11 17:02:56

Please walk away from this man. Some people are born liers. When I got together with my H 14 years ago his ex told me he was a lier (I wasn't the OW btw, they had split up 2 years previous). I thought she was just bitter because he had found someone he has happy with and she hadn't. Through the years there has been alot of things that didn't add up and I was sure of affairs, but he was so convincing in his lies and bth I pushed these things to the back of my mind.
But his ex's words are ringing true now. Over the last year I've found out what he is really like. He has a GF she's pregnant and they have bought a house together. He was still lying to me going to couple councilling and saying he wanted us to work things out, god knows what lies he's told her (although I have no sympathy for her as I know she knew about me and our 3 DC's from the beginning)
Anyway please save your self years of heartache and get out now, you will have no peace of mind when your with him.
Make sure you get all you and your DC'S arer entitiled to and move on.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Thu 06-Oct-11 17:03:57

To trust or not to trust is a non sequitur in your case as the father of your dc is a proven liar and not worthy of any woman's trust.

It seems you're little more to him - and other members of his family - than his 'bit on the side'.

It's time to boot him out of your life and contact the CSA (if you haven't already done so) to ensure that this man, effectively, pays for his illicit liaison with you for the next 18 years.

Next time don't be so gullible - and please don't have more dc with men who are not free to fully commit to you.

ineedabodytransplant Thu 06-Oct-11 17:09:17

Sorry, you found out 5 months in and you are having a second child with him?

What is it with some people?

WTF are you persevering with this tosser? Are you that desperate or am I missing something? I can't believe that there is that much of a shortage of men in the world that you have to put up with this shit. And that is coming from a bloke who has no woman in his life(don't know what that says about me thoughgrin).


buzzskeleton Thu 06-Oct-11 17:54:44

Er, seems like you and your dc are the shame of the family.

Instead of asking yourself why she puts up FB photos of presents from him, ask yourself why he is giving her presents?

Of course you can't trust him.

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