This is a bullet I wanted to dodge until end-November, when I'll be staying with well-loved family members who I'd like to speak to one-to-one about my feelings wrt my parents. But I'm feeling pressured to take a stand now, because my parents are trying to get in touch with me (e-mailing me and phoning), I'm ignoring their attempts at contact, and I feel like a coward, and a dick, just dodging their calls and e-mails, but I'm stuck about what to do.
Obstacle 1: Can you really contact someone to tell them you want no contact? Seems... paradoxical. And frightening!
Their phoning now is nothing sinister: they just want a chit-chat; keep up the motions of a parent-child relationship. Meanwhile, my perception of our relationship has changed: I left a violent marriage 8 months ago, and all I see now is how my parents groomed me for abuse (by modelling an abusive marriage, and by treating me with neglect, one-upmanship, and some deliberate nastiness). So now I perceive our relationship as a sham, one that makes my heart clench and my stomach churn.
Obstacle 2: I'm not sure how long I will feel this way, though. It is therefore even more tricky to handle a break, thinking ahead that there might be a time after the break when I want to be in touch again.
I understand my parents: they are wounded, misguided people who hurt me for misguided reasons of their own. A part of me does still love them. I'm not ragingly angry or bitter. I just don't. want. to interact with them.
Obstacle 3: The third thing stopping me from acting is timing: I am really afraid of losing my loved aunt and uncle, who I'll be staying with in November. I accept that their reaction to any confrontation I have with my parents is their choice. I just wanted to be able to explain my feelings to them before I go and tell my parents that I don't wish to interact with them at this time. Does that make sense?
Anyway, if there's a Stately Homer willing to talk me through my mental blocks and maybe suggest a course of action, I would be most grateful!
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Should, and if so how, do you contact parents to tell them you don't want contact? (Another one from the Stately Homers)
8 replies
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 06/10/2011 13:08
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