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One Night Stands - have you ever had one?

(78 Posts)
itsbeentwoyearsffs Wed 05-Oct-11 17:37:53

I never have, ever.

My situation is such at the moment that I don't want to be in a relationship for the foreseeable future, if ever. I pulled at the weekend but didn't do much and was talking to a mate about it afterwards. She thinks I should have taken advantage of the situation! But there is something in me that can't get over the Respect thing. Its not like I want a relationship with this man but I AM gagging for a shag.

So I just wonder what people really think. Its been two years! Two years ffs, since I had any physical contact with anyone and I could have broken that on Saturday but couldn't go through with it.

Don't know just want some thoughts really, this dating and men thing is so blurry and confusing to me now. I am in my late thirties btw so time is not on my side. I still look pretty good, should I be taking advantage of this and getting some?

How do I separate the love and sex thing? I always fall for blokes and start getting the churny stomach thing the minute I even snog them!


itsbeentwoyearsffs Wed 05-Oct-11 17:38:58

BTW I 100% do NOT want to be in a relationship so its not like I am playing games and really holding out for that. I am more than happy by myself and just enjoying bringing my dc up. Just want a bit of fun I suppose.

Taghain Wed 05-Oct-11 17:48:42

Yes, and I don't particularly like the morning after feeling of not wanting to see the shagger / them not wanting to see me.
If you can cope with rejecting or being rejected, there's no harm in it and the possibility of some fun.

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 17:50:07

Ok. Is it always like that? The awkward thing? I sort of thought you could creep out afterwards and to be honest if I liked them enough to shag them then we would be able to have a laugh together the next day as well. Or am I being hopelessly naive and it doesn't work like that at all?

SnakeOnCrack Wed 05-Oct-11 17:51:28

Yes quite a few.. ehem.. (I'm not talking LOADS, just more than a few).

Some were fabulous, full of laughter and fun and just having a good shag.. others were awkward as hell and I couldn't wait to get out of there/get him out of there..

The moral of the story is, pick the person well and have a good get out clause!!

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 17:55:12

"Some were fabulous, full of laughter and fun and just having a good shag"

I do actually think the one of Saturday would have been like this. Dammit, should have just done it.

GossipWitch Wed 05-Oct-11 17:58:03

aaahhh yes the morning after... if I'm in that sort of situation I make some lame excuse after a bit of pillow talk about my (hench) dad coming round first thing to go for breakfast/shopping/rugby etc. None of them have met my dad yet! however protection is a big issue make sure your doubled up on contraceptives ie condom and pill, and never let them meet your kiddie, (my mum introduced her many friends to us and it wasn't the best experience, for them or us (remembers the three of us staring at some poor fella for half an hour while his taxi came).

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 18:00:23

nooooo, nooooo, never intro to dc, thats the whole point, I have a child with SN and couldn't and wouldn't want to ever confuse him by introducing to some random or any new man really, hence no more relationships. It would always be an away fixture.

"(remembers the three of us staring at some poor fella for half an hour while his taxi came)." grin

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 05-Oct-11 18:01:09

Ditto to every word of Snake's response, plus extra 'ahems'.

You shouldn't have any problem with a 'one-night stand' as long you don't expect that it's going to be any longer than it says on the tin - although it's not unknown for one night of shagging fun to morph into something that stands the test of time.

Also bear in mind that you/they don't have to stay all night!

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 18:05:56

Ok, ok, so how do you do the walk of shame out in the middle of the night, just sneak off when they are asleep or do you tell them? Mind you, I honestly do think the men I would choose it probably wouldn't be to awkward, they would have had to make me laugh and been nice in the first place to have got me there so I think hopes it might work out ok.

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 18:06:43

And do you tend to develop feelings for them and think about them afterwards? Because I tend to do that even after a snog. God what a drip I am!

SauvignonBlanche Wed 05-Oct-11 18:09:00

I've had a few, they're just like any other relationship, some can be great, some can be crap.

M0naLisa Wed 05-Oct-11 18:14:41

Yes once.

M0naLisa Wed 05-Oct-11 18:15:26

Didnt have the wory of seeing in morning etc etc as it was just a quick fumble in the back of his car

<classy bird i am>

SnakeOnCrack Wed 05-Oct-11 18:16:18

Mine were all pre children which made it easier obviously!

I had a dreadful shag with this bloke that I met at a party once, after we had done the deed I thought to myself, god I can't sleep next to him, he might want another in the morning.. so I just said, I've got to get up dead early in the morning.. that was nice, see ya then! And left..

I did have a one nighter that developed into a "friends with benefits" type thing which was delish, because neither of us wanted a relationship and god he was good <gets all misty eyed>

upahill Wed 05-Oct-11 18:18:50

I had what I thought was a one night stand.
21 years and two DS's he is still here grin

[love him to bits though!!]

togetherwehaveitall Wed 05-Oct-11 18:23:10

I had random sex when I was young and can't say I regret it really. There was once this bloke in a club, totally not someone I could take home, but really hot and an amazing body. I was up for it, so went back with him, to a surprisingly interesting flat, and spent the night having really good sex all around it. It was liberating because we both knew the score, and that free'd us to revel in it. I went back a few times as well!

I stopped with all that when I got older and met proper partners tho. The last time I did it, the guy farted really massively during sex; just sort of pulled out, stuck his arse in the air and did a massive fart!!!

I do hear you about both the no contact for X long period a time tho, plus the 'how do I kiss someone really deeply and not wonder if I like them?' dilemma!

Have fun!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 05-Oct-11 18:24:09

Walk of shame? Walk of pride, woman!!

You can make it clear at the outset that you/they can't stay the night and, after the deed is done, get you/them dressed and out the door.

Or - if it's going/gone well- forget your previous intention to leave and stick around for more fun and games or drift off to sleep.

Of course you'll think about them after but returning to the demands of daily life is usually sufficient to relegate them to the back burners of the mind - although you may find that some may reappear in your fantasies grin

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 18:33:29

Ok, do you know what? Next time I get the chance I am going for it. God knows when that will be though. Am grinding my teeth at Saturdays missed opportunity now.

ButWhyIsTheGinGone Wed 05-Oct-11 18:35:05

Yes loads! Some fun, some awkward. Don NOT feel guilty if this is how your life goes for a while. I don't want a relationship either - or rather, I don't know anyone worth letting into my life at the moment. Luckily I've found a chap I see a couple of times a month, which I better than trying to have multiple one night stands around my tiny, gossippy town!

Bit of advice tho - NEVER go back to theirs. Always end up on your own turf!

rycooler Wed 05-Oct-11 18:37:46

No never - just not my scene at all - I'm too romantic.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Wed 05-Oct-11 19:13:43

Any chance he might be same time, same place, this Saturday?

As fpr going back to theirs, not necessarily a problem if you have a pre-warned mate that you can text the address to before you venture in.

FTR, there has to be wit, warmth, humour (as in lots of laughs) and considerable physical attraction before I can contemplate falling into bed with an easy lay grin

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 19:21:41

No, totally different city unfortunately. I know him quite well though, just not seen him for years. Also heard he has a girlfriend so perhaps best not to go there. Obviously I did not know this on Saturday so could have gone for it conscience free.

Yes he would have to be able to make me laugh, A LOT and just generally be quite lovely before I would.

ButWhyIsTheGinGone Wed 05-Oct-11 19:26:00

togetherwehaveitall that's just AWFUL. How did you react?? We've all been known to let an accidental one out during the act (er - haven't we??) but to make a big performance of it is horrid!!

akaemmafrost Wed 05-Oct-11 19:29:48

I couldn't have continued after that, I just couldn't.

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