he really is the loveliest man i will ever meet. and i have finished with him (again, for the umpteenth time). this time - i think i mean it, tho. but should i have?
background... (get ready to hoik those judgy pants - i do know how many of you will cast stones, so hard hat donned)
xH and I were married for 7 years - 2 DCs aged (now) 5 and 2.5
1.5 years ago (yes - do the maths and judge) - i became 'involved' with another man. he is married and has grown up kids. he has had one affair in the past (married 25 years). his wife suspected what was going on, once he started talking to and seeing me. they had always said they would separate when the youngest left home (his other affair was when youngest was 6); youngest child left home last year. family home on the market but not selling. he suggests divorce; she threatens suicide... she is happy for him to sell the house and for them to separate but won't entertain a divorce.
meanwhile, xH and i went to couple's counselling - i was v depressed (had had PND since DS was born in 2006). counsellor asked for individual counselling sessions with me, due to my depression. she was very alarmed by xH's attitude to me, and his 'abusive behaviour' (her words - not mine).
i decided i needed to get out of my marriage and moved out. messy court battle over residence of children - but settled now. divorced. saw counsellor throughout this period and she knew about OM in the background.
all this time, i keep in contact with OM. he is still married, but has moved out of marital home - spends weekends with his parents and works away in the week -, told (his now adult) children that he is separated from their mother.
i see him every other weekend when my kids are with their dad. his wife obviously knows where he is but says nothing. he continues to pay the mortgage; she spends his money; house on market but not selling...
this has been going on for 1.5 years now. i am sick of it. he has not divorced his wife. i am, however, 'the most important relationship' he has ever had. he loves me to bits; loves my kids (has met them but only very sporadically). he is the loveliest, sweetest man. and i really do think i will never meet anyone like him.
he is paralysed by an inability to DO what he knows he needs to do.
so i have done the right thing - yes? he is never going to divorce her, is he?
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Relationships
So I have ended it ... should I have?
NoNoNoMYDoIt · 04/10/2011 23:08
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