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Oh I'm really bloody angry. Going to vent here, sorry!

(42 Posts)

<angry harumph>
This will be long!

I seperated from H a couple of years ago.
He works abroad, coming back to England for a few weeks every 3 months.

A few months ago I was really, really struggling financially.
Was in rent arrears, and had put my car up for sale to try to get straight. (Insurance is sky high)
Then DS did something silly and I had to take him to hospital in the middle of the night, so decided if at all possible I needed to keep my car.
I have no family near by, and really rely on it.
H was "sympathetic, but not really my problem"

Fine, fair enough. Even though he earns plenty and only pays the minimal amount of maintenance <bitter>
Sold other bits and bobs, cut my food bill right down and took out a small provident loan [grr] and sad .
Got it all sorted, car still costs me more than I can comfortably afford, but I want to keep it, so am dealing with that.

Today I get a phone call from H, he's ordering some fishing stuff for when he gets back, "only £1000 worth", because he needs it.
And if he fills my car up with petrol could I drive him to the Lake District and pick him up again?

FOR REAL????? shock hmm I live in the Midlands. He wants me to drag my children all the way there to drop him off, drive back with them, and then do it all over again, using my car that he wouldn't even give me a tenner towards.

Because I've said fuck off no, I'm apparently a mardy bitch and should get the divorce paperwork sorted for when he gets home.

This man is so self absorbed. I'm raging and so fed up with always being in the wrong.

Sorry to vent on here, but it's been eating me up and I feel like I might burst out of my clothes like the Hulk if I don't get it all out.
So at least my clothes are safe for now....


EmilyMurphyLegallyAPerson Tue 04-Oct-11 19:42:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Confuseddd Tue 04-Oct-11 19:46:42

Unbe-bloody-lievable. He sounds like a gigantic selfish knob.

Not all men are like this btw.

<wanders off shaking head in bewilderment>

GypsyMoth Tue 04-Oct-11 19:50:02

Take him, just leave him stranded then, like you were!

GypsyMoth Tue 04-Oct-11 19:51:03

And as he gets out to unload the car...... Drive off with his new fishing gear in the boot still!!

MangoMonster Tue 04-Oct-11 19:53:39

Oh dear, what an idiot. Don't blame you.

mamas12 Tue 04-Oct-11 19:54:34

Well you now know that you need to sort the financials to suit you and your dcs then don't you.
Not just the child maintenance but spousal too.
Be tough he sounds as if whatever yu do/ask for he will think it outrageous so you may as well go for everything you ar entitled to.

Thanks for letting me grumble smile

I didn't go through the CSA, thought we'd be better to sort it between us, but seeing as that is going so badly it may be time to.

Tiffany grin That's brilliant! I'd so love to do that!

frutilla Tue 04-Oct-11 19:56:10

Wow, that's really pushing it. I'd be livid too....letting you struggle financially and then splashing out on luxury items that he thinks are essentials!! He could at least have offered to reimburse you for your time, because if he traveled any other way it would cost him a pretty penny. Where does he stay when he's in UK?

He has a flat a few miles away fruitilla.
Tempted to post a bit of haddock through the letterbox to welcome him home.

(I won't though, I promise!)

ToothbrushThief Tue 04-Oct-11 20:17:47

grin tiffany has the best plan - <wiping sauvignon blanc off my screen>

MigratingCoconuts Tue 04-Oct-11 20:23:23

charge him the going rate for a taxi fair from the midlands to the Lakes.....

what a knob!

MigratingCoconuts Tue 04-Oct-11 20:24:44

fare...not fair <slaps forehead>

Bogeyface Tue 04-Oct-11 20:29:19

Definitely agree to take him, accept the tank of petrol and then dont go back. You could, as a compromise with ILT idea, helpfully unload the fishing gear and accidentally on purpose drive over it as you leave grin

flippinada Tue 04-Oct-11 20:31:27


I have seen many MNers post this phrase on here and I think it's entirely appropriate in this scenario.

"no is a complete sentence".

Try it on your XH

"*NoVeggies*, can you "..."NO".

"But will you just.." "NO"

Repeat and enjoy!

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 04-Oct-11 20:32:47

Nah, don't bother with the haddock - rotting shrimps give off a far more nauseating odour in a shorter time grin

Whatever you're thinking of asking for maintenance wise, treble it. This gives him of the option of offering to pay half for you've asked for and, if you accept, you'll get 50% more than you would have settled for.

Never get mad, honey - always get even.

Bogeyface Tue 04-Oct-11 20:34:58

Or as Ivana put it

Dont get mad, get everything grin

ChippingIn Tue 04-Oct-11 20:36:39

Why did you separate from such a gem??


Get digging the veggie patch!!


I really, really do not understand these males who are happy to see their ex-partners struggle to bring up their kids, pay the fucking minimum & spend money on themselves - it makes steam come out of my ears!!


I'm glad you said fuck off no.

Re the CSA is he considered to be working in the UK or overseas? If overseas I don't think they can do anything.

MigratingCoconuts Tue 04-Oct-11 20:38:50

love the idea of 'accidently' running over the fishing stuff! Wouldn't that be such a shame....

seriouschanger Tue 04-Oct-11 20:39:59

Oh Tiff that is the funniest thing I have heard HAHAAHAA!

As others said what a K***!

What about dropping him their and saying car broke down and cant pick him up (after he filled the tank) 5 mins after you were meant to arrive!

seriouschanger Tue 04-Oct-11 20:42:38

PS you can do a REMO if is a court order from UK to a country that has it. Yep this shock my ex too when he went to all that effort to move abroad to escape maint...but 5 yrs down line still hasnt seen a penny so cant say it is any good yet!

Bogeyface Tue 04-Oct-11 20:52:17

If he works abroad but gets paid in the UK then they can take it straight from his earnings.

Do go to the CSA, and when he asks why, give it to him both barrels.

Oh, just had a thought about your come back to his saying you are being mardy etc. Say that his refusal to help you out when you needed it for the kids made you realise that you had both blurred the boundaries and you should keep things on a non-personal basis from now on. So you totally agree with him ( grin ) that favours etc are not the ex partners problem and that you appreciate him bringing that to your attention, and you hope he has a nice weekend. "National Express do regular coaches to the LD btw smile "

mumsamilitant Tue 04-Oct-11 21:01:31

Why are you letting him do this to you? Cut all bloody ties. Why would you even think of driving the twit anywhere. Go through the CSA and get your entitlement. Why were you in arears in rent?

I'm a single parent, live in a housing trust place and work part time. I don't live like a queen but I'm fine.

flippinada Tue 04-Oct-11 21:12:14

I notice he thinks you're a 'mardy bitch' hmm

I say, who gives a flying feck what he thinks? His opinion is irrelevant.

And yes, he should be paying you a decent amount of maintenance.

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