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Are there some loves you never get over?

(11 Posts)
BakerBinky Tue 04-Oct-11 19:09:56

I was engaged at the age of 22 to a man I lived with for 2 years. We were best friends, soul mates & utterly obsessed with each other. We were both immature had issues and ended up hurting each other badly.

He ended it because of this and I was heartbroken, couldn't eat properly or stop crying for months & went into a depression which lasted 4 years.

I'm now 31, very happily married with 3 DC's but am still in love with my ex, I feel like crying when I think about him and sometimes feel physically ill with missing him.

Will I ever get over him?

chocolatespiders Tue 04-Oct-11 19:22:09

I think there is always one that you never get over. At school I was friends with someone- there was amazing chemistry between us and we spent a lot of time together but we were only good friends he had the same feelings but none of us acted on them. We got back in touch 3 years ago after 14 years of no contact and those feelings were still there, we saw each other for a year and it was amazing, but he would not commit to me. He told me I went off with DD1's dad at school -that was when we lost touch (was the year we left school) and he felt I would go off again hmm We cut off contact completely I couldnt cope with it how it was as I was falling so deep but he couldnt tell me where I stood. I was devastated all over again and it has left some really raw wounds. Commitment issues got in the way for us. Not a day goes by without me thinking about him and I wish I had the confidence to go and knock on his door but I dont sad

When we got back in touch he still had all the cards that I had sent him smile

maleview70 Tue 04-Oct-11 19:27:38

I think you tend to miss someone who you enjoyed a honeymoon only phase with. I went out with someone for 2 years. Great sex, nights out, freedom after years (both of us) of being married. We never had the boring years after where you sit in watching X factor and discussing who is getting up with a baby in the morning. Whilst it was fraught with the shit that comes with recently seperated people it was fcking good while it lasted and so it is easy to look back and think "if only". Reality is we would probably now ten years later be sat on opposite sofa's, doing different things and talking about the injustice of a 16 year old being booted off x factor whilst both reminiscing about an even earlier relationship....

I am sure life is more mundane now than it was then so you escape by taking yourself back to the past!

BakerBinky Tue 04-Oct-11 19:29:34

Ha! Yes, so true, i wonder if he wonders about me too?

maleview70 Tue 04-Oct-11 19:31:40


MyBaby1day Sat 08-Oct-11 04:05:57

There is always one you never get over i think (well for most of us). For me it was a young lad who worked in my local coffee shop. As a regular i got friendly with all the staff and about a year as a regular he came. He was young and we just chatted normally at first but then i developed feelings for him. A horrid girl (who also worked there and was his so-called best friend....who back-stabbed him) caused trouble, she didn't have a life or man of her own and didn't want to see anyone else happy either and him being the sheep he was listened. I gave him lots of gifts and love-spoilt him rotten to put it blunt but after exchanging some not-so-nice messages he unfriended and (after i sent him a message) blocked me on Facebook making it clear he no longer wanted friendship. It broke my heart especially as he did it at CHRISTMAS!. He's come out as being gay and had a couple of b/f's, he's at Uni now but you know a day never passes when i don't think of him. I've seen him twice since working back at the coffee shop (just before he started at Uni), the first time he said "hi" (i was on the phone so wanted to reply but by the time i got chance he'de gone)!! but the second time we ignored each other. It still makes me cry sad. I think of what we could have had....i'de have given him the moon. I've not met anyone since and life in other areas is hard but i try to keep busy and that helps and have my Mum....and puppet-Clifford!! ha ha and my friends but it still hurts. The second time when we ignored each other my Mum heard him talking about me to the other member of staff (a mature woman) so it proves he was thinking about it all (good really) smile. I honestly belive deep down he felt something for me (how could you not someone who was so good to you), he's only 19 so maybe one day he'll realise just what he lost. I often wonder if one day...maybe years from now...i'l receive a message or even bump into him in town and he'll ask me for a drink. I won't ever forget him and just try to live with it but never get over it. I don't know where life will take me but the only things i was left with was a little scruffy teddy he left with this horrible "friend" of his.....didn't even stay to say goodbye (as he was leaving for Africa for his gap year for a year) and a photo i have on my bedside table of us both taken in the coffee shop where we met! (me with my arms around's really too cute)!! smile. So that's my story. Wherever life takes me i'll live in the hope i see him sometime, someplace........

Foxy800 Sat 08-Oct-11 11:53:08

I think there is always one you never get over, in my case it is my first ever serious boyfriend, who I am still friends with now and he is godfather to my dd. But on the same breath I dont know if it would ever work now. Not that that is an option.
I think we all at some point go back and think what if but life moves on.

SaggyHairyArse Sat 08-Oct-11 13:03:44

MyBaby1Day, you just never know...

I split up with the first man I ever loved after a lot of trauma and still held a torch for him despite getting married and having children. I split up with my husband and we are now back together after 15 years grin

MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:06:35

I fell in love like an idiot in my late thirties, relationship ended quite suddenly and I thought I had lost the love of my life. Got along with my life thinking I ALWAYS would love him... that is until I saw him again and realised how stupidly bling being inlove makes you... It's over, done and dusted, don't want him back. Thanks.

MeMySonAndI Sat 08-Oct-11 13:07:16

blind, not bling... he didn't have that much money... hmm

wannaBe Sat 08-Oct-11 13:16:25

when I left south africa I left a bf behind. We planned to stay together, for me to go back there to live and we would be together... until he met someone else. Tbh it was inevitable, distance etc is never a good thing and as I'd struggled to find a job I couldn't go back as soon as I'd planned to so he ended it.

I always wondered, because there had never really been the closure iyswim - it had ended over the phone and I hadn't got to see him again. So even though I married my dh I always wondered what if..

Until a few years ago I rediscovered him on facebook. My heart skipped a beat - and he sent me a message telling me he'd never stopped thinking about me. I will add at this juncture that there was never any suggestion that anything would happen at this point.

Anyway, he called me (from south Africa on my mobile! shock) and we had a long chat, and it transpired that he'd had two engagements and is now on to his 3rd marriage.

Lucky escape me thinks..

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