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My libido has disappeared- what can I do?

(5 Posts)
anyoldexcuse Tue 04-Oct-11 13:51:03

Namechanged because of embarrassment.

So, I have a toddler and young baby. I've been with DH for over 10 years, married for about 6. He's wonderful and I am very much still in love with him. But I am just not interested in sex. When he tries anything it just feels wrong somehow, my hearts not in it and I freeze up so we stop.

It's not DH- he is very understanding and would never pressure me. He tries to give me time to myself (obviously not always easy with a baby) and shows me in many ways that he loves me and cares about me. But I know that he's feeling confused and hurt and he really misses the intimacy.

It's also not just because of having a young family. I am tired, and it is hard to find the time, but that's getting better and I still feel the same. It's being going on for a while now, I guess since having our first DC.

I hate the fact that I'm hurting DH. I feel like part of our relationship is missing and I am terrified that I'm pushing him further away. I want to make it better- I want to start really wanting sex- but I've no idea where to start.

So, has anyone been through this? Did it get better? What did you do to improve the situation?

cleanteeth Tue 04-Oct-11 19:29:13

I think we've all been through similar situations, it happens in most relationships especially after having kids.

I found I almost needed to force myself to go through with it and then once I was in the mood I didn't want to stop! Try gentle foreplay, a bit of cuddling etc and see where it goes from there, once you get in the swing of it its much easier.

You do need to build yourself up to it though, start the morning with cuddles and kisses, squeezing his bum as you walk past him. General flirting really so that it builds up during the day. A nice glass of wine in a hot bath usually works well, you could try starting yourself off to really get you in the mood. You could even try reading some erotic books to give you some inspiration!

I know it all sounds very scary when it's the last thing you want to do but if you want to get past this then you will actually have to do something.

Have you tried telling DH how you feel? Just so he knows it's nothing he's done wrong.

tb Wed 05-Oct-11 16:09:04

Have you had your thyroid checked? Pregnancy can cause it to go underactive. Might be worth getting it checked out, just in case it's anything else than being tired with 2 young children.

NatashaBee Wed 05-Oct-11 16:32:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glowfrog Wed 05-Oct-11 17:00:39

I agree with cleanteeth - have you tried to go ahead and have sex, even if you don't really feel like it? You might surprise yourself. Maybe you could also try to get back into it little by little - so don't aim for the full monty initially but stick to teenage fondlings?

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