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Supporting DP

(11 Posts)
ihatecbeebies Mon 03-Oct-11 19:54:20

Sorry if this thread is in the wrong place but I wasn't sure where else to put it.

It is DP's DDs birthday tomorrow, but it will also be exactly a year since he's been able to see her (ex wont let him see her for no good reason at all, she blocked his number from her phone, got engaged to his best friend, he's not on the bcert and she wont let him go on it, lawyer couldn't help him when he seeked help, dd is severely disabled so can't ask to see him).

I know that tomorrow will be hard for him but I'm not sure how I can support him and would be greatful for any suggestions. Would pretending it isn't her birthday and completely avoid it so he can just forget about it help or would it be better to bring it up or take him out to distract him? I want to be there for him but really don't know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similair situation?

ihatecbeebies Mon 03-Oct-11 20:26:52


legoqueen Mon 03-Oct-11 20:33:41

Haven't experienced this but didn't want your post to go unanswered - I would mention it & acknowledge the hurt, but be prepared that he may prefer not to talk about it. Hope that helps x

ihatecbeebies Mon 03-Oct-11 20:38:32

Thanks legoqueen that helped smile I wasn't sure if maybe he'd be more hurt that I was ignoring what day it was, I'll mention it and let him know I'm here for him.

buzzskeleton Mon 03-Oct-11 20:40:33

I wouldn't pretend or avoid it. I think you should let him guide you - don't try and make him talk, but if he wants to, listen and ask him what he wants to do, if he wants to go out or anything. He could always write a card and send it anyway or to put it aside in a box for her, should his ex ever relent.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 03-Oct-11 21:56:26

Does your dp make maintenance payments for his dd?

ihatecbeebies Mon 03-Oct-11 22:14:37

No he's been a student for the past 4 years, students don't pay childmaintenance as they're living off of loans

GypsyMoth Mon 03-Oct-11 22:16:55

Er, how come lawyer couldn't help him get PR? Then contact? It's very easy..

ihatecbeebies Mon 03-Oct-11 22:37:03

IzzyWhizzy Would he be able to have access to his daughter if he paid maintenance? Does this change things as I didn't think it did?

Have you done something similar Ilove? DP was told he had no rights and wasn't able to get parental responsibility as parental responsibility orders can be rejected if giving the father parental responsibility would put stress on the mother and undermine her ability to care for her child who had multiple handicaps and special needs. his DD has severe Rett Syndrome so has multiple handicaps and special needs.

ihatecbeebies Mon 03-Oct-11 22:37:48

If you did ILove, how did your DP cope with things such as birthdays/christmas's/first day of school?

FabbyChic Mon 03-Oct-11 22:39:36

Paying maintenance does not give you access.

The problem he has is he is not on the birth certificate, the mother could say he is not her father, he would have to prove he is. Bearing in mind the childs disabilities the mother would probably use them against any contact being made.

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