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Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

(81 Posts)
ripitupandstartagain Mon 03-Oct-11 19:52:55

I'm not convinced.
I feel that once you have had a real connection with someone on many levels, you just click/get each other, the sex is wonderful etc you can't go back to being happy with less.

Mutt Mon 03-Oct-11 19:54:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano Mon 03-Oct-11 20:13:59

I believe it. If DH went tomorrow I'd still be so happy that I got to be with him just for a while grin

I need a [cheese] emotion

PfftTheMagicDraco Mon 03-Oct-11 20:18:36

I don't know. I think it's a platitude.

I think it's all well and good when a relationship ends well to think that.

But when someone cheats on me, and then I bin them....I would rather have not had them at all.

rockinastocking Mon 03-Oct-11 20:26:55

If anyone ever says that to me, I just say "Try it."


izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 03-Oct-11 20:31:46

An unqualified 'yes' from me.

ripitupandstartagain Mon 03-Oct-11 20:44:32

Maybe it does depend on what causes the loss. I just hate regret as an emotion - it has got to be one the worst as it is soo pointless..

SingingSands Mon 03-Oct-11 20:46:21

Yes it is. Imagine never knowing what love is sad

John39 Mon 03-Oct-11 20:48:28

I wonder how many men actually "love" in the same way women do? I mean, there's a lot of pride and trophy aspects with men, speaking as one.

Mutt Mon 03-Oct-11 20:51:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HMTheQueen Mon 03-Oct-11 20:53:22

Absolutely. No question.

CheerfulSingsOut Mon 03-Oct-11 20:53:47


I lost a great love and it's left me scarred and unable to trust again. I'd rather I'd never clapped eyes on him, or at least not fallen in love. Though for me, to know him was to love him.

So: No no no. The legacy it's left me is a terrible one. I think it's something people say to comfort themselves when it goes tits up. However, perhaps time will heal and I'll feel differently eventually.

John39 Mon 03-Oct-11 21:05:37

I'm sure we're capable of all kinds of things, I'm just wondering how many actually do?

ripitupandstartagain Mon 03-Oct-11 21:05:45

John39 what makes you say that??
CheerfulSingsOut How long ago was your loss if you don't mind me asking?

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 03-Oct-11 21:09:01

I think yes although I'm going through the wringer at the moment... sad

ripitupandstartagain Mon 03-Oct-11 21:14:21

Oh God, are you Belle? I HATE the bastard wringer!! Squish squish squish! ouch ouch ouch! sad sad

HedleyLamarr Mon 03-Oct-11 21:21:19

I loved and lost, but our dcs still love us both, so on balance I'd say yes. Do I still love her? No. Not in the way I did. But I value her as a friend and wish her nothing but happiness. Her being happy = our dcs being happy = peace of mind for me. Therefore, EAW.

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 03-Oct-11 21:23:12

Oh I'll be ok - thank you for making me smile. I'm letting him do it. That's the worst of it. Bloody, bastard love!

ripitupandstartagain Mon 03-Oct-11 21:28:05

Arghh, it's all too beautiful/poignant, I need a cure. Is it:
a) have something to eat
b) to buy more shoes on e-bay
c) write some bad poetry
d) set myself up with an internet date that tips me into clinical depression

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Mon 03-Oct-11 21:33:45

That's an easy one rip

The answer is 'All Of The Above' grin

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 03-Oct-11 21:43:06

I just ate too much chocolate. I don't even like chocolate much and now I feel sick...

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 03-Oct-11 21:43:43

Oooh, and do share the poetry grin

crestofthewave Mon 03-Oct-11 23:57:45

no.not if he's abusive,except for dc.only good thing to come out of last relationship.but, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger,and alot of lessons learnt.but no,he up big time.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Tue 04-Oct-11 09:01:07

For the same reasons as crest, I would say "No".

The only men I've loved have been abusive: so I have loved, been abused, and lost a lot. I would rather not have given my love at all.

ScarahStratton Tue 04-Oct-11 09:18:21

No. I'd rather not have met him. The aftermath is hideous and never goes away. Far better to never experience it.

And I am ashamed of my thoughts and wishes.

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