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Anyone actually caught OH with someone else ?.................

(36 Posts)
katkin73 Mon 03-Oct-11 10:45:45

...and if you knew that you could, would you?

Sorry, bit cryptic I know, but if you had advance warning, say stumbling across an email of OH planning to meet someone else, could you/would you be there to catch them out?

windsorTides Mon 03-Oct-11 10:48:26

Yes, without even a second thought.

bubblegumpop Mon 03-Oct-11 10:54:27

Hell yes.

AnyFucker Mon 03-Oct-11 10:56:21

no, far too Jeremy Kyle

I would present the printed-off email to him along with his suitcases though

ThePosieParker Mon 03-Oct-11 10:56:24

Good God yes.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight Mon 03-Oct-11 11:06:50

Oh yes. If I knew I would catch them, of course I would. Why wouldn't I? No good to avoid the confrontation. Doesn't change the truth of it.

And, of course, actually catching them red handed means they cannot lie about it. You've got them. No gaslighting, no telling you you're paranoid or controlling or nuts...

MsGee Mon 03-Oct-11 11:07:25

It has the potential to get very messy if you go there and for OH to deny any wrongdoing.

I'd go with AF's option if you have sufficient evidence from the email - mainly because a) I would have more control over that situation and b) I'd be more likely to keep my dignity.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight Mon 03-Oct-11 11:08:06

You don't have to go in all 'Jeremy Kyle' though, you can walk in, digified, say something like "I expect you to collect your belongings at the earliest opportunity" and turn and calmly walk away.

MsGee Mon 03-Oct-11 11:11:34

Hecate I do like that plan and think if OP can do that it would work and mean that you can catch them red handed. I guess this is just me but I know that I could not stick to it and would go all banshee and undignified. It would take a lot of strength to just walk out and not wait for a reaction or say something else.

katkin73 Mon 03-Oct-11 11:15:00

Am scared and need a big hug off all you ladies sad think I'm just not ready to admit that my marriage is probably over.

AnyFucker Mon 03-Oct-11 11:16:37

I am really sorry, katkin

can you talk about what is actually happening ?

HecateGoddessOfTheNight Mon 03-Oct-11 11:16:43

Will doing nothing mean the marriage is not over?

HecateGoddessOfTheNight Mon 03-Oct-11 11:17:42

That sounded really harsh blush I just meant that not facing up to the reality of things doesn't mean they aren't happening. It just means you stagnate, unhappily, instead of making changes that will, eventally, lead you to a happier life.

eandz Mon 03-Oct-11 11:20:32

sorry Kat.

Obviously you feel horrible about this, but is there any relief found in all of this?

lubeybooby Mon 03-Oct-11 11:23:24

I did, caught an ex of mine out at the airport waiting to check in for his hols with the OW. I had been suspicious and knew that was the only place he couldn't get out of it, eg if I'd gone to his house he could have just not answered the door.

katkin73 Mon 03-Oct-11 11:32:35

Hecate, thats it, I'm not facing up to the reality of it, I've been through every emotion possible-except anger, I wish I could get angry and start throwing things but I can't (stupidly blaming myself I suppose sad)

Background: I was suspicious of DH for a while on and off little signs here and there, went looking for evidence and found him on website, bit like facebook, got into his chat history loads of messages to women, sex talk pictures etc etc. Same on MSN, confronted him said he was sorry, just got carried away, flattered by the attention etc never do it again, don't want to hurt you (oops too late) anyway he lasted 18 days!!!
Now back on MSN 1 week chatting to woman....!

I don't know what I want.
I know I will never trust him again, and can I live like that??
But I also know I still love him.
Scared to go it alone (although I know if he got hit by a bus tomorrow I would and could cope) its just making that decision for myself is so damn hard despite that fact that, lets be fair, he is a complete &^%$£%^&!!!
Help sad

JustinBoobie Mon 03-Oct-11 11:33:21

So sorry katkin

is there any background? Is it on going or something new?

clam Mon 03-Oct-11 11:34:23

I'm not sure I could bear to arrange to actually "walk in" on them during the act, (there would be a mental image I could never erase from my mind) but I might be prepared to turn up just before the event, e.g. in the hotel reception or whatever, and stop them in their tracks. Wouldn't change the intent on his part, but would ruin his illicit shag and show them both up. Bastards.

Vile business. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

PeppermintPasty Mon 03-Oct-11 11:36:06

Oh yes indeedy, caught an ex in the past. Can't recall if I was dignified or not, it all went by in a blood red boiling there's my answer blush.

We've all got our wide shoulders and broad backs out for you katkin. Lean on us if you need to x

GreenMonkies Mon 03-Oct-11 11:39:06

Yes, I would.

Ex got caught out when a tweet from his lover scrolled across the top of his iphone screen. Stupid twat forgot to switch it off when he fell asleep one night. I looked her up on twitter and asked her if she'd enjoyed her hotel mini-break with the father of my two little girls, and asked her if she was going to explain to them why he was leaving. Then I woke him up and told him how long he had got to pack.

But I would've popped down to meet them if I'd had the chance. Fuckers.

AnyFucker Mon 03-Oct-11 11:39:22

kat, is this how you saw your marriage ?

is this how you want to live ?

your husband is massively disrespecting you

it sounds like you have sufficient evidence to show him the door

are you happy to share him with other women, because it doesn't sound like he is going to stop I am afraid

GreenMonkies Mon 03-Oct-11 11:41:59

Katkin, you don't still love him, you love the person he used to be, before he started this affair.

Trust me, you will be happier once he's gone (perhaps not instantly, although I was) but if he stays you'll never be confident or happy again, because you'll always be wondering.

fiventhree Mon 03-Oct-11 11:44:16

I agree. He isnt going to stop. You discovered it and had the chat and gave him another chance. He waited for it all to die down and then arranges to meet someone.

You cant ever trust him again, I wouldnt think.

Should you go? I dont think it matters one way or the other- it depends what would make you feel better.

You poor love.

fiventhree Mon 03-Oct-11 11:47:23

I suppose if you do go to catch him in the act, he cant pull the line that he never turned up or changed his mind?

AnyFucker Mon 03-Oct-11 11:49:10

it doesn't sound like kat is emotionally-strong enough to do the turning-up thing, tbh sad

don't do it kat, or if you do, take along a very strong and trusted friend who will get you out of there at the first sign of things getting out of control

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