Been with H for 14 years and we have 2 primary school age dcs.
Things have been very hard since the birth of first dcs, just getting harder and harder as time went on.
I told H a year ago that I had enough but tbh didn't have emotional strength to go much further away than this. He was very difficult to live with, was very hurtful (some of his behaviors could be said to be abusive). His attitude towards the dcs was bad too.
A few things changed in this last year. It very much felt as if it was too little too late.
So I decided to leave after the summer and the dc birthday. I had decided that this weekend I would tell him it's finished, that there is nothing to salvage and I am not in love with anymore.
But... this sunday has been the day where he decided for the first time in well... perhaps years to actually be relatively relaxed. He smiled. I even managed to have a relaxed conversation with him, very much a chitchat type of things but we haven't had that in a very very long time. Quite a few of his unacceptable behaviors seem to have disappeared over the summer (as my resolve to leave was getting stronger ).
At the same time, I spoke to my mum about my decision and she has been equal to herself. Oh poor him. So hard, what about the dcs etc... Always putting herself/me after others (read my dad, my H) as these poor men have had such bad childhood/so many difficulties etc.. I knew she would do that, so I hadn't talk to her about it before. But my strength has disappeared again.
So my question is really, is my feeling that nothing can be salvaged the right one? Am I putting everybodyelse before me (again!)? Or should I give H another chance (again!)?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I wanted to end this relationship but I am still here
CactusRash · 02/10/2011 20:34
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