Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

In complete shock, help please

(114 Posts)
inshockinshockinshock Thu 29-Sep-11 16:47:37

Last night my dp and I were in bed sleeping, he woke me up to ask me yet more questions about my past (this is a regular thing, especially after he drinks) and we ended up arguing at 3am. This followed him leaving the house with a bottle of vodka and not coming back until this morning

Today my mum had an op to remove cancer, I had a 1/2 day from work to be with her afterwards and came home first. DP and I rowed again and whilst we were, his mum pulled up outside, so he starts yelling oh my mum can see your true colours now etc etc, so my response was to say 'when does she get to see yours, what about throwing the tea tin at my head so hard I had a lump the size of an egg or throwing your phone at me so hard I had a bruise that made my mum nearly vomit etc.

So dp was really mad by this point and backed me into the corner in the kitchen (his mum was still outside) and was screaming and raging in my face. I picked up a newspaper because his face was so close to mine it was frightening. He was frightening.

The next thing I knew my head slammed back, in to the cupboard, my nose popped and my teeth went through my lip. All this time his mum was outside. She took him away in the car after he had done it. He came back and is now refusing to leave saying he has to find somewhere else to go first.

I have to go out now to see my sick mum after her op with a lip so thick I can't speak and a swollen nose. He is telling me to say I opened the car door on my face.

He has apologised, but he says I drive him to it. I don't know what the fuck to do

LeBOF Thu 29-Sep-11 16:50:04

Call the police and charge him with assault, obviously. Your poor mother too- she will be devastated. Please do what the people who love you are begging you to and get rid of this vile wankstain.

Schnarkle Thu 29-Sep-11 16:50:54

Don't lie for him. Do nothing for him. He's a bastard. Call the Police.

4merlyknownasSHD Thu 29-Sep-11 16:51:20

Change the locks as well!

purplepidjinawoollytangle Thu 29-Sep-11 16:51:46

That is a physical assault and a police matter should you choose to make it so.

The obvious answer is to leave him, however real life isn't that simple. He has, however, crossed the line - the tea tin and the phone were bad, this is awful. He has shown a horrible disrespect for you - waking you up, quizzing you repeatedly about before you met, the drinking, the physical intimidation, blaming you...

His behaviour is not your fault. If he loved you, he wouldn't hurt you.

Hope your Mum's recovering ok?

Bluebelle38 Thu 29-Sep-11 16:52:43

God, call the police. That is horrific. You poor thing. My heart was racing reading your post. I can only imagine how frightened you were.

What a pathetic creep.

inshockinshockinshock Thu 29-Sep-11 16:53:15

I cant tell my mum the truth it would break her heart, she already thinks the bruise that made her sick was me dropping a tiffany lamp on my hand

I am so scared of him. I am too scared to call the police, I just want him gone - if I get him charged and he walks free he will terrorise me I know he will

HerHissyness Thu 29-Sep-11 16:54:48

"Last night my dp and I were in bed sleeping, he woke me up to ask me yet more questions about my past"

I got that far in your OP. less than to the end of the sentence. sad

He is NOT your D or your P.

A Dear anyone wouldn't do this. A partner in life wouldn't do this.

A vile abuser would. a dangerous, vicious, nasty and despicable lowlife would.

You need to get out and get out asap. Ideally you need to go to the doctor and get your injuries looked at. You also ought to go to the police and register a complaint of assault against him.

If nothing else, please photograph your injuries so you (a) can remember what this monster has done when he's on a nice phase, and (b) as proof against him to help you protect yourself in the future.

You don't mention kids, if you have none, you don't need to have any contact at all with this bastard.

End it now, before he kills you.

PeppermintPasty Thu 29-Sep-11 16:55:15

But he's terrorising you now isn't he? Call the police. Get a friend to take pictures of your face. I suspect your Mum may winkle the truth out of you, and that will be no bad thing. I know she's poorly, but she will want to know you are safe and getting help.

inshockinshockinshock Thu 29-Sep-11 16:55:19

purplepidje My sister is with her but they are uncontactable. I should have been there hours ago but I was freaking out. It is a 45 min drive and I have got ds so I disn't want to risk it in the state I was in.

HerHissyness Thu 29-Sep-11 16:56:11

I understand your mother is sick, but bastards like this vile man count on you not telling anyone.

the key to getting rid is to SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS, no corners for him to hide in. expose him in all his forms of cruelty.

make sure you call the police to remove him. you can do that today.

missmaryp Thu 29-Sep-11 16:56:19

Oh please, please, please phone the police. NOW.

Imagine if your mums partner (real or imagined) did that to her? Would you be able to understand why she would not phone the police and get this complete twat as far away from you as possible?
You can't allow him to stay in your house and the police will help you.


mumblechum1 Thu 29-Sep-11 16:56:59

You're going to have to call the police. They'll arrest him but when they let him go it will be subject to bail conditions not to go anywhere near you. If he ignores his bail conditions he'll get locked up.

Once you've done that, get a family solicitor to apply for an injunction for you. You will get a non molestation injunction and may also get an occupation order (and order that he stays out of the house, usually for 6 or 12 months. )

There is a good support network for people in your situation. You only have to ask for help and youwill get it.

HerHissyness Thu 29-Sep-11 16:57:07

pack a bag, a big one, for you and your DS and get the fuck out. NOW! The rest can be sorted out.

PeppermintPasty Thu 29-Sep-11 16:58:38

And don't be afarid of him. People who do this are bullies and cowards. Tell your friends and family and get support right now, please.

PhilipJFry Thu 29-Sep-11 16:59:30

Please call the police. He has attacked you and they will be able to help: they will take what has happened extremely seriously and can remove him from the house. You need to protect yourself from further and potentially more dangerous attacks. You have not in any way driven him to do this- he chose to hit you and scream abuse. Don't feel that you have to lie for him, the bastard. He doesn't deserve any protection from his victim.

You may be worrying that it's too late to call and that the moment for contacting them has passed but it isn't the case. Remember: they are here to protect you.

inshockinshockinshock Thu 29-Sep-11 17:00:56

He has gone now to collect his daughter as she stays here on thursdays! I am going to go and lock the doors (he has lost his keys and we have been sharing one set thank god) I may even stay there. I feel awful for his daughter having to come all the way over withhim on her pushbike for me to not be here but I don't want to be in the same room as him!

He says he is staying here for 10 weeks (until he starts his new job) and I will have to like or lump it (this is MY house that he moved in to)

He also said that if I give him any more grief, he will smash the whole house up before leaving...

Shit, I do need to ring the police don't I. God I am so fucking scared. Sorry I just need a little support I have got no one to talk to. He has alienated most of my friends already by being vile to them, and the rest are sick of hearing about it I think

PhilipJFry Thu 29-Sep-11 17:01:46

If you're worried about using 999 you can google your local non-emergency number for the police and use that. I have rung mine several times (domestic violence next door and a few other cases) and on all occasions they have assessed the situation and sent help round right away. They will certainly get someone to you as well immediately.

MmeLindor. Thu 29-Sep-11 17:05:40

Phone the police.

Can you stay at your Mum's house for a few days?

When the police are there, pack and leave. Don't worry about the house. You are worth more than the house.

Sounds like the best way of helping your mum get better is to tell her that you are kicking this vile man out of your life.

TimeForMeIsFree Thu 29-Sep-11 17:06:09

Yes OP, you do need to ring the police. I promise you that once you have done so you will feel a whole lot safer, you will have people on your side, supporting you and that vile man who physically assaulted you will get what he deserves. He will be held responsible for his actions and be held accountable.

Take away the control and power he has over you and phone the police.

buzzskillington Thu 29-Sep-11 17:06:58

Yes, please call the police. He has attacked you, he is threatening you. Have the incident at least recorded, better yet have him arrested.

HerHissyness Thu 29-Sep-11 17:07:59

This is your house, you can lock it up and you can call the police now. Tell them everything you have told us here and tell them he's coming back soon and you don't intend letting him in, and that you are scared.

If nothing else they will feel there is likely to be a breach of the peace, they'll come.

TimeForMeIsFree Thu 29-Sep-11 17:08:05

The police can remove him from your house. They will stay while he packs and he can go stay with his mum. You owe this man nothing, you owe yourself everything!

CheerfulSingsOut Thu 29-Sep-11 17:08:10

Police police police. NOW.

HerHissyness Thu 29-Sep-11 17:08:19

we will be here with you as long as you need us to be.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now