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Tired of feeling like somethings is missing when 'I have it all'!

(7 Posts)
missmaryp Thu 29-Sep-11 16:11:14

I'm gonna moan, but I really need some words of wisdom ladies. Probably along the lines of stop being an impatient brat you selfish woman.

Basically, I am overcome with broodiness. I have a 6year old, wonderful daughter and a fabulous supportive boyfriend of about 2 and a half years. We have fun as a family, I like my job, we have an adorable new puppy, recently moved in to a house that's a total mess and we get annoyed about it but hardly tidy anyway... you know, the normal kind of happy life (I assume?!)

We've talked about having another child (he has 2 grown up daughters and a 6 year old) and although when we got together the agreement was no more, he accepts how important it now is to me but... isn't ready yet.

I know that I'm being unfair for not wanting to wait - but I've wanted this for almost a year and I just can't cope with the not knowing when. He just says 'we're not ready yet, but we will be' which I understand (that it makes sense to get the house sorted a bit more and enjoy 'us') but i'm just not happy.

I feel like I am missing out. I think about it A LOT during the day and I don't want to be consumed by this feeling.

Should I just shut up and wait? Or should I try another honest heart to heart and ask him to agree when we will start trying? I don't want to go on at my poor man but it's eating me up inside!!!!!!

SpanishPaella Thu 29-Sep-11 16:13:29

two and a half years isnt that long to do something that will connect you with him forever. What if he turns out to be a total prat over the next 5 years, you wont be able to just walk away. I wouldnt be in such a rush if i were you. There is plenty of time.

PonceyMcPonce Thu 29-Sep-11 16:14:33

Hmm. Neither waiting or getting on with ttc is unreasonable so perhaps compromise is possible.

However age is a factor. If you are 35+ I think you should get on with it.

missmaryp Thu 29-Sep-11 16:20:12

I'm only 26 although he is quite a lot older - 43. I suppose that's part of the reason for my rush, I want him to be able to relax in his retired years! ;)

I know we haven't been together long, but I have no doubts about 'us' we are very very good friends and have a wonderful relationship. I appreciate a lot of people feel that way and then it goes wrong too!

I'm in a rush partly because I want their to be a little an age gap as poss between the siblings and because I want to concentrate on my family now so I can concentrate on my career later. I feel almost stuck, like I can't progress with my education and career until after having the other child I so want, and so the longer I want, the longer my professional life is just in limbo.

missmaryp Thu 29-Sep-11 16:21:16

the longer I wait, not want.

And I typed their instead of there.

Must slow down, I can spell, honest!

PonceyMcPonce Thu 29-Sep-11 16:22:46

Oh, sorry, you both have a 6yo. Busy!

tigermoll Fri 30-Sep-11 13:40:51

I'm going to be controversial here, and say I think you should talk to him again, and tell him how big a deal this is for you. Two and a half years is long enough to know whether you want to give something a proper go (I agree that people can change and may not end up being as nice as you first thought, but this could happen after five years or ten years or even twenty years) and you already have a child in the house. If you were both childless, I can see the argument for maybe enjoying a few more years of carefree life, but with one child already, presumably you already take her into account when planning your lives. Also I agree that having children close in age is a good thing.

I don't think you should try to badger him into it, or issue an ultimatum or anything, just re-open the dialogue and encourage him to be honest. He may have good reasons for wanting to wait (perhaps he is saving up to propose, or maybe wants a mortgage or something) or maybe he feels that he is not 100pc sure that he wants more children. Whatever it is, the current reply of 'not yet' isn't reassuring for you. I think he ought to be more honest and detailed about what it is that is causing him to wait. At least then you might feel that you both understand where each other's coming from.

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