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Red flags or am I being over-protective?

(5 Posts)
MissIngaFewmarbles Thu 29-Sep-11 13:29:21

DSis has been seeing her current bf for around 6mo and they are looking for houses to rent together. She is a single parent with a 3yo since his DF buggered off to Thailand. She was working PT (2 days) and claiming TCs and HB before she met new bf.

Over the last couple of times DH and I have met him we are both getting an uncomfortable feeling about him, not sure why but something is making me twitchy. I'll try and do brief points:

They met on the internet and he said he was a virgin as he didn't believe in sex before marriage, they did the deed 3mo in.

My DSis isn't particularly physically affectionate, but even by her standards they don't touch much, or seem wildly in love.

He bought her a very nice car when hers died a couple of months back and is now saying that they will have to sell it as the house they are potentially moving to is within walking distance of his work so she can use his car.

He earns a very nice salary as the deputy head of an independent school. He has convinced my DSis to enrol DS in the nursery and work FT as he gets 50% off the fees.

She will 'need' to work FT to help contribute to DNs school fees, before she met BF she had been around the local schools and was very happy with the nearest.

I dunno, it probably sounds like I'm mad, but something doesn't feel right, can you all tell me either I'm crazy or if I'm not what on earth do I do?

MissIngaFewmarbles Thu 29-Sep-11 13:30:26

Oh, The background is that we have a father who has NPD so we've always been drawn to controlling men sad

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 29-Sep-11 13:33:49

Your sister's boyfriend seems like the latest in a line of bad'uns. There are red flags here and she ignores them at great emotional cost to herself. If you and yoru DH have bad vibes re this person there is often good reason why that is.

What does she really know about this man and his background?.

Unfortunately it is her life when all is said and done, all you can do as her sister is continue to remain in contact as often as possible and be supportive.

ShoutyHamster Thu 29-Sep-11 14:30:04

Doesn't sound brilliant - just the level of, err, involvement in her decisions so early in.

Can you talk to her honestly about it? Because if that's an option, do it now, before things progress any further - she might listen if it's still early days.

MissIngaFewmarbles Thu 29-Sep-11 14:33:29

I think she feels he's 'saved' her and DN somehow. Not sure why, perhaps it's the money and position he has, but they were doing fine before he came.

Not sure how I would talk to her about it really, the last thing I want is to drive her more towards him and alienate her sad

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