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When do you know to give up?

(3 Posts)
BellaBells Thu 29-Sep-11 11:28:21

I'll try to keep it short and sweet; been together with OH for 4 years with on/off attitude in the past year. I caught him cheating and I retaliated (not smart I know) by doing the same last year. Found out I was pregnant to which he stated he didn't want any part of it, I went ahead with the pregnancy. A few months into the pregnancy he comes around and he is now very much in love with DS.
My issues with him are that I feel hidden, he never invites me to socailise with him and his friends apart from 3 times in 4 years. He says why does he need to go out with his gf and that he doesn't like me getting attention from other men. We are not friends on Facebook, that's not so much an issue however when I caught him cheating it was Facebook which he was using as his 'tool' and I recently went onto his page and his status was that he was out at a wedding and going wild at the reception... He had told me he was at home cleaning (we live apart), so I feel he doesn't have me as a friend to hide things. I want to get married and he doesn't. Well it changes from he doesn't right now to he never wants to. Neither of us have been married before and DS is the first for both. It was my birthday yesterday and it was horrid, we argued basically throughout and it eneded on a bitter bitter note. He says he has to leave by 830 after spending only 4 hours with me, it felt like he didn't want to be with me. He got me the exact same card as last year and made me cancel other plans because he said he has planned an amazing day/evening. I told him I wanted to go out for the first time after 11 months but he eneded the evening after only 4 hours. He also made it seem like he was going to propose but instead I got a cheap tacky bracelet, he basically put zero thought into any of it. He angered and upset me to such an extreme that I slapped him. Something I feel sick about and can hardly type. I want to appologies to him but it will open yet another argument. We both need help especially because there is a child involved. Do I suggest counselling and really truly work on our relationship or do I give up? Another thing Im finding difficult is if we do end it how will it work with him seeing the baby? Personally for me to get over someone and heal I need zero contact but I don't want to stop him from seeing his son. Neither of us are happy so something needs to be done but what. I really need supportive advise right now so please no judgemental comments.

MangoMonster Thu 29-Sep-11 11:34:11

I think he is only with you because of your son. He will have to be able to see him if you split up. Maybe that's why he is with you, because he is scared you will make it difficult for him. Counselling might help you deal with it all. I do think you should give up, you could be so much happier with someone else who is willing to offer you a proper relationship, that would be better for your ds too.

mumsamilitant Thu 29-Sep-11 12:08:28

How old are you? You sound very young.

Do you definitely know the baby is his?

It does sound like this is all a bit toxic to be honest and it doesn't sound like he really wants to be in a relationship with you any longer.

Regarding access, could you arrange through/drop the child off to a trusted relative on either side so you don't have to see him. Or there is the route of using a contact centre.

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