I'll try to be concise - my mum and I had a financial 'business' arrangement which has gone great for 6 years, we were both happy with it, and she certainly benefited. No complaints - no problems. In recent times, it has been tough and I have only managed to maintain the minimum and she has to go without the extras! Because she considers herself to be 'suffering', she has got herself worried beyond belief - probably because she has too much time on her hands, and she has decided to confide the whole scenario to my brother (we initially agreed that he did not need to know), and has recently been on the phone to him in tears nearly every night because she thinks she will lose her house etc etc. (she has NEVER missed a mortgage payment). Despite my repeated assurances by phone, in person, texts etc, it just doesn't seem to be enough.
Last week, my brother ambushed me at my sick granddads house - he hid his car and waited for me to visit. He then laid into me big time (upsetting my Grandad in the other room with his shouting), accusing me of not talking to my mum and reassuring her, he said I was selfish, never did anything unless I benefitted from it, and that me and my husband had to talk to my Mum and reassure her. I am the least selfish person ever - he has forgotten SO MANY THINGS, and doesn't even know so many others!
As a result of this, I had words with my Mum, a few frosty days, and then we had it out and resolved things. My husband called her, said what I had said, and she felt better. End of? No such luck. My brother has not spoken to me since, despite me and Mum being ok.
Last Saturday, I was in their area with my daughter - I text Mum to see if she was in, but she said sorry, but she was rushing to get ready to go out. No problem. I text my brother to see if he would take a visitor waving a white flag - brave for me - I have clinical depression and no end of personal issues, resulting in high anxiety, and reluctance for confrontation and calls etc. I only tried to visit as he and his wife are expecting their first baby in three weeks and my daughters are so looking forward to it. The last thing I want is to fall out and them not be involved with their cousin. He said it was not right to visit with my daughter as he and I needed to sort a lot of things out, and that what he had to say would not be nice. (I genuinely have no idea what he is talking about). He also said his wife was getting ready to go out and did not want to appear rude. I made my excuses, and we didn't meet.
The following night I saw photos on Facebook of my Mum and Sister In Law at the BABY SHOWER, held at the time I tried to visit them both. A Baby Shower for MY Neice/Nephew, to which I was not invited, and knew NOTHING about.
To say I am completely devastated is an understatement. I don't know why my brother 'hates' me so much that he has stopped his wife inviting me to what is a massive event - she was so worried about feeling part of the family when they met, and I went out of my way to make her and her son feel welcome. She even messaged me back last week to say she didn't want to get involved in the difficulties between me and my brother. All her female in-laws went, my Dads girlfriend went, and my Mum went. Yet no-one has even mentioned it to me. I am most upset that my Mum feels she couldn't even say to me - 'look, I thought you should know that S is having a Baby Shower, but J doesn't want her to invite you, I have tried to change his mind but he won't, but I just thought you should know' - she would have said something like that in the past, and as we have sorted out our differences I am so shocked that she hasn't. I text on Sunday to ask 'Did anyone ask where I was yesterday?' but she never replied. We usually text or talk everyday about my Grandad or the kids, but I didn't hear from her till yesterday when she asked me if I had paid her mortgage. I replied and asked if she got my last text - she just said 'yes'. I am crying all the time, and biting my tongue because of my girls seeing the baby. My Mum plans to come to our Macmillan coffee afternoon on Friday to see the girls - but I don't want to see her if she can't even call me or text.
I am starting to think I am over-reacting, doubting myself, thinking I am in the wrong, and then I start crying all over again..........
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AIBU - to feel so so hurt and upset?
8 replies
LaMujer · 28/09/2011 10:13
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