Back story: I asked her to be my maid of honour. Wedding took place shortly before her DS's 1st birthday (I will admit to an amount of naivety in relation to babies...)
Neither DH nor I wanted children at the wedding - no children in the family, solemn church service very important to us, and reception venue very small and not child friendly (although there was a room at the venue which was offered for her to use for him). My friend obviously wasn't very happy about this, but said she would see if her mum could take care of DS.
In the last few months before the wedding, things got tense. I had often made the effort to visit her after DS was born at times which suited her (even though this often meant me leaving work early/starting late), but in the run up to the wedding, we had intended to do some wedding prep things together which I was no longer able to do during the daytime on weekdays (due to work demands). She seemed to take great offence to this, and went on at some length about "not understanding what it is like to be a mother...". I tried to diffuse the situation, but it was clear she wasn't pleased. This went on up to the wedding, when she still seemed annoyed with me, although she tried to hide it.
I hoped after the wedding we could resolve this, but since then, I have messaged her several times (once a week to start with, and now at least once a month), and received one response saying she is very busy. Now, maybe she is very busy, but it felt like a fob off to me. I know she has seen another mutual friend at least once - coincidently on the one weekend I said I wasn't available.
This has made me feel very very sad and hurt, but part of me wonders if I should just give up, as she doesn't seem to care about me, so perhaps I should stop wasting my breath?
Gatto. My friend asked me to be maid of honour at her wedding. On my daughters birthday. With no kids at the wedding. She is my oldest and most special friend and it didnt even enter my head to say no. My daughter was turning four, we just had a very special birthday weekend for her, to make up for a slightly belated birthday. If she had an issue, she should have just said no, I am sure you would have understood?
I still have a thank you present for her from the wedding - I've been debating posting it with a letter, if she won't see me.
I thought it was interesting that the one message which prompted her only response was "oh, I am going to be in your area on Friday, and I was wondering if you might be in, there are some things I have for you"....
Hmmm, it sounds like you were a bit of a nightmare over your wedding and she can't be arsed with you anymore.
Have you raised it with her?
If she told you she was pissed off, would you be able to apologise for putting your "solemn" wedding ahead of the feelings and comfort of your guests and people who were putting themselves out to help make your day a special one (which is what someone does when they agree to be a matron of honour).
SheCutOffTheirTails I tried very hard not to be a nightmare - yes we didn't want children there, but I did ask her many many times what I could do to make the situation easier for her in that respect, and never got an answer.
I think she sounds like a pretty good egg for sticking it out and getting through the wedding and that was probably her intention and she now probably wants a break from you.
However you sound quite aware on this thread if belatedly and I would send the presents with a heartfelt letter along the lines of what you have posted here. I would find it difficult not to respond to that if I were her.
Fwiw I would have told you to stick your wedding where the sun doesn't shine .