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(4 Posts)
happytolaugh Mon 26-Sep-11 14:27:41

Hi, I've never posted before and feel really nervous in doing so but need to know that it's not me who's going mad. Have been married for 12 years and have to children (9 and 7). To the outside world, my husband is a kind, loving, helpful man. He's 7 years younger than me and moved directly from living at home with his family to living with me. I moved out of home at 18 and lived in the UK and abroad by myself for 10 years before meeting home. My husband has a really high-pressured job and works leaves home at 7.30 and gets home at 7.30pm. I work part-time as a teacher. However, he does nothing to help at home, doesn't load the dishwasher, hoover, cook or anything. THe children have usually had a bath/shower by the time he comes home from work and it's always like that. Two days after having my 2nd child by caesarean, his boss wanted him to go into work and wondered why I was upset when I said it wasn't possible. It's really getting me down as I feel totally exhausted. My parents take the children to school 2 days a week and are coming round to my house now at 7.30am instead of me dropping them off so it's not so much of a rush. Even when he works from home, he never says that he can take them to school unless I ask him. He says that I don't understand the pressure he's under although I do. However, I'm also under pressure too. I feel that I've distanced myself from him and don't want him to come anywhere near me. When we have arguments, he blames everything on me. I've suggested Related but he refuses and says "it's all my fault, I don't know how to communicate with people." He lashes out verbally and then tells me to forget it, he was tired but I can't. I'm not sure what I want anyone to reply, just that it's not all my fault, I suppose.

Blondie73 Mon 26-Sep-11 15:18:20

Yep.... my ex was the same re. working hours. Note he's now my ex. (we had other issues too but this contributed a LOT to it) I had zero support from my family, and used to spend my evenings crying with loneliness. Anytime I brought it up he would fly into a rage and then tell me he would quit and get a low paid job just so he could do 9 - 5pm! I too had a caesarean so know where you're coming from. Have you tried going on strike in the housework dept?? Not that it did me any good when I tried it! He just used to walk around the mess! Most of which was made by him!! So.... no its not all your fault!

CactusRash Mon 26-Sep-11 15:53:23

To start with, no it's not your fault!!!

It looks like he feels he has no responsability re HW so feels it's asking too much of him if you ask him to help out. When he was at home, was his mum always doing everything for him or did he have some responsability in looking after himself (doing the washing, ironing etc...?)

And he thinks it's OK to lash out, put all the blame on you and... what? Is he expecting yu to be there to look after his well being (ie being his maid), look after the dcs and he just has to rip the benefits? I'm afraid he needs to grow up. Quick if he can.

Chrononaut Mon 26-Sep-11 15:59:58

have you spoken to your parents about this? it sounds nuts but in times of a relationship crisis i usually speak to my parents. they sound supportive

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