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Can H throw me out?

(65 Posts)
cavemummy Sun 25-Sep-11 20:33:47

Have namechanged as I don't want any RL friends to see this. After a row on Thursday evening where H made fun of me for planning to make some Christmas presents, as usual, things have totally blown out of proportion. Since then he has slept in the living room, not spoken to me at all and ignored DS (8 mths).

He has just come to me saying that the only thing to do is for us to seperate and that I should move out and find somewhere else to live.

He owns the flat and did so when I met him. No mortgage. We have been married for two years.

Can he do this?

I am on mat leave and would only have the statutory payment to cover everything for DS and I. I don't know where I would go. To my parents I suppose.

For the time being I have said that I am not going anywhere. He's really pushing me to go saying that we would both have to live here during the six months that a divorce would take.

Please help. What on earth do I do?

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 25-Sep-11 20:35:46

Don't leave. I'm sure if you are married and have a child together he will have to provide for you and your child.

tinkgirl Sun 25-Sep-11 20:38:40

I don;t think so but make an appt for a Solicitor. You can usually get the first 30 mins free with no obligation.

cavemummy Sun 25-Sep-11 20:39:24

He has just said that he wants 1 hour a week access to DS while its all being decided. I said it would be no problem as we would be living here. He has been divorced before so he knows all about it. He wants to know if I will contest it. I said I didn't know what that meant and that I wanted to look it up (ie speak to a solicitor).

I can't believe that this is ending like this. He says that I never apologise, that I am totally unreasonable and that I verbally attack him for fun. I just can't find the words to argue back.

spacester Sun 25-Sep-11 20:39:44

If you are married, then you are normally entitled to half the assets of the couple - i.e half the flat. Smetimes that has to be sorted through court though. You are also entitled to maintenance payments if he is the father.

spacester Sun 25-Sep-11 20:41:53

Oh, and go to a solicitor. Don't let him bully you into not getting your legal dues.

SansaLannister Sun 25-Sep-11 20:44:38

NO, he cannot throw you out. Don't let him, either. Arse.

ImperialBlether Sun 25-Sep-11 20:47:02

I wouldn't go anywhere for now.

Do you do those things though? How much of what he says is based in reality?

AKissIsNotAContract Sun 25-Sep-11 20:49:10

It seems odd that he only wants to see his child for an hour a week.

SirSugar Sun 25-Sep-11 20:51:27

Stay put, your solicitor should advise you to place an interest in the property via the land registry.

For his sudden descision to 'dispose' of you I'd take him for as much as you can get.

SirSugar Sun 25-Sep-11 20:52:57

Hate to say this but do you think he has another woman?

OchAyeTheNooPal Sun 25-Sep-11 20:54:31

he's ignoring his own child and only wants 1 hour a week to spend time with him? So sorry this is happening to you OP, your head must be all over the place.

You are married and as far as I know he cannot throw you out. Get some advice and consider confiding in a friend or family member for support.

CactusRash Sun 25-Sep-11 20:58:07

Oh yes, sollicitor is the way to go.

The fact you are married means that the starting point of negociation for the split of assets is 50%. Not sure what is the impact of a 2 years marriage and the fact you have an 8 months old will have.

However, the first thing that a court would do is ensure the child has somehwere to live. So I wouldn't move.

Don't get bullied into doing things you aren't sure/don't want to do. Only do things on the advice of your shit hot sollicitor.

He is asking for one hour a week to spend with his child sadsad

cavemummy Sun 25-Sep-11 20:58:42

Obviously I would say this, but I do fess up when I have done something wrong and apologise. I do. He just thinks that there is so much that I should be apologising for. Everything is my fault. I don't really have the words for this right now but he is very difficult to argue with. He makes me feel so small and I clam up. But I am an alright person. My friends think so.

cavemummy Sun 25-Sep-11 21:00:04

I had thought about another woman. But I am not sure when he would have time to see anyone.

CactusRash Sun 25-Sep-11 21:00:48

cavemummy when a relationship breaks down, a lot of the time both partners are responsible of the state of affairs. So I would let him make you believe you are the only one at fault.

SirSugar Sun 25-Sep-11 21:02:17

I'm absolutely certain you are an alright person.

What is not alright is his unilateral descision to dispose of his family; stay put.

My guess is there is more to it than meets the eye. His behaviour is disgusting

cavemummy Sun 25-Sep-11 21:05:05

I think so too. He's very clever though and always manages to talk things round to me being the one at fault. He has just tried to make me move into the living room for the night (I'm in the bedroom) but I said that I would sleep in my own bed regardless so he stayed in the living room.

SirSugar Sun 25-Sep-11 21:05:27

You sound quite together and grounded, concentrate on practicalities at this time. At present he is the enemy, don't give him any information that doesn't benefit you and dig your heals in. Take your time and get plenty of advice.

MaryPoppinsMagic Sun 25-Sep-11 21:06:10

Something doesn't sound right here op has his decision come out of the blue?

Or have you been at logger heads for some time now?

I think the general consensus is that when married you should not move out of the home when a split occurs (unless violence is an issue of course) as far as I am aware once you move out you cannot make a claim to the property or the belongings inside it as you are seen to of 'left'

You need to see a solicitor, stay put if it is bearable take precautions to get bank statements together copies if needs be so he cannot deny his income in future, also get your's and dc passports and other important things together.

Once you've seen a solicitor get yourself down to your local CAB office and get some help on housing / benefits issues.

Good luck op. Big hugs at your difficult time.

MaryPoppinsMagic Sun 25-Sep-11 21:06:11

Something doesn't sound right here op has his decision come out of the blue?

Or have you been at logger heads for some time now?

I think the general consensus is that when married you should not move out of the home when a split occurs (unless violence is an issue of course) as far as I am aware once you move out you cannot make a claim to the property or the belongings inside it as you are seen to of 'left'

You need to see a solicitor, stay put if it is bearable take precautions to get bank statements together copies if needs be so he cannot deny his income in future, also get your's and dc passports and other important things together.

Once you've seen a solicitor get yourself down to your local CAB office and get some help on housing / benefits issues.

Good luck op. Big hugs at your difficult time.

SansaLannister Sun 25-Sep-11 21:06:36

I'm inclined to agree with SirSugar.

cavemummy Sun 25-Sep-11 21:08:30

So sad. I just wanted us to be a little family. DS adores him. Totally enthralled by him and he only wants to spend an hour a week with him. Really sad.

SirSugar Sun 25-Sep-11 21:11:16

It is very sad; but his behaviour is abhorrent. Make it known how disgusted you are by his behaviour and let him know he cannot just drop his responsibilities like a hot cake

deanrol Sun 25-Sep-11 21:16:00

Sounds a bully. Mother with baby gets told to leave the home - immediately.
Because that is his command.

Disgusting.

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