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Difficult Mother

(6 Posts)
CurlySoo31 Sun 25-Sep-11 14:31:20

I posted yesterday but was told this may be a better place to post. I feel so upset and need some support from others with a mother who does not treat them with respect. Basically I could not give my mother a lift somewhere yesterday because I had made arrangements to see a friend who had just had a baby so she put the phone down on me. She phoned me last night but my mobile was upstairs and she didn't try the house phone. I did not see the missed call until late at night. I rang her back today and received abuse about not being available to take her somewhere and how it would not have hurt me I tried to explain that we had already made arrangements, I am an adult with my own life. She shouted at me told me I was mental and she wishes she never had me. In reality I am just not the person she wants me to be (have my own opinions and life) and she cannot stand this. She is such a negative person who responds to my problems with 'what about me, my situation is worse' etc. When she said she wishes she never had me I told her I did not want to see her again and put the phone down to her ranting and swearing. She is currently texting my phone with nastiness which I have not responded to. Can anyone else relate to this? How do I stop myself from believing all the mean things she thinks about me?

SouthernandCross Sun 25-Sep-11 14:35:42

She sounds like my mother. I stopped speaking to her almost 2 years ago and it was the best thing I've ever done.
Read ' Toxic Parents and see whether you feel some of the advice in it might help you.
If you are anything like me, you'll probably spend the whole book being blown away that you are not the only one with a parent like this.

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 25-Sep-11 14:38:00

Poor you. I would sugget you put a stop to her abuse. Ignore her texts, do not respond. Ignore calls from her also. If she catches you simply tell her she needs to treat you properly otherwise you will end the call. Do nt pander to her needs. Do not respond to her abuse at all. Most of all, ignore what she says as I am sure it is not true, she is just being a mean old cow. Do you think this would make her see that you won't take her shit anymore?

CurlySoo31 Sun 25-Sep-11 14:42:28

Thanks I will get that book, sounds like it might help. It seems weird to see how she behaves as abuse but I guess that is what it is. I really do not think I want her in my life anymore but its just a case of being strong enough.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sun 25-Sep-11 14:42:46

She sounds impossible, not just difficult! Congratulations on the way you handled her.
If this had been a friend who treated you like this, would you be taking on whatever horrible things she was saying about you? Would you accept them as reasonable views coming from a decent person? Of course not. She's obviously motivated by selfishness and spite.
As the others have said, ignore, ignore, ignore.
Hopefully this break will give you a chance to rethink what kind of relationship with her you are prepared to tolerate, and will help you see—as you showed when you told her no and hung up on her—that you have a choice about how it goes.

CurlySoo31 Sun 25-Sep-11 14:55:02

Thank you all for your responses

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