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Why have I been selling myself short?

(14 Posts)
toptramp Fri 23-Sep-11 22:26:07

I am going to sound like a bit of a snob but never mind. I always enjoyed studying at school and it was my ambition to go to uni and I went but had to drop out as I had a twatty boyfriend who didn't get into university (as he was not academic but didn't understand or value why i was) was emotionally abusing me at the time. So I also missed my chance to hook up with the more compatible men I met at uni because I was with the twat.

I did go back to uni and had flings with students but looking back many of my ex boyfriends have been less academic men who often do menial work. many of them have been hard workers but not many have had much in common with me really. My dds dad left school at 14 fgs! WHY? AIBU to want somebody who is lovely AND well educated and/or with a bit of ambition?

toptramp Fri 23-Sep-11 22:27:30

Or at least someone who dosn't think reading is boring such as my twatty ex.

FabbyChic Fri 23-Sep-11 22:27:34

Its fuck all to do with education, not everybody who is intelligent has a degree.

toptramp Fri 23-Sep-11 22:29:44

I know that but I want someone who isn't going to be freaked out just because I do value that. I met plenty of twats st uni too. I guess I just want someone who accepts me for me and who likes my geeky pursuits. I do have a soft spot for a certain type of geeky man.

toptramp Fri 23-Sep-11 22:31:26

I wouldn't dump someone if they didn't have a degree (dds dad was smart in some respects).I know that there are many types of intelligence. I am lacking in emotional intelligence for example. I would dump someone if they were really, really thick though.

RabbitPie Fri 23-Sep-11 22:31:59

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peppapighastakenovermylife Fri 23-Sep-11 22:34:20

I think you need to think about men on an individual basis and realise it is nothing to do with qualifications.

I have three degrees and am an academic. I married a builder with 5 gcse's.

I've never considered that I've 'sold myself short'

RabbitPie Fri 23-Sep-11 22:36:39

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toptramp Fri 23-Sep-11 22:37:03

I had a menial job recently which I really enjoyed but I had ambitions to make more money and use my brain more. Ok - yes I am a total snob but I am probably looking for someone similar as I have always dated a certain type; most of them havn't even been that nice. So I want soomeone intelligent and lovely, non-abusive and preferably rich! grin

toptramp Fri 23-Sep-11 22:37:55

I did go back to uni and I have a degree and post grad qualifications and i am working in a professional job. So I have decided to look for similar.

RabbitPie Fri 23-Sep-11 22:39:38

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peeriebear Fri 23-Sep-11 22:44:05

Maybe they have similar stories to yours?
DH has no qualifications at all from school due to having to leave a shit home life, live with travellers and earn money skinning rabbits. He has clawed his way from utter shite up to being trained in what you might call a menial job (various driving qualifications which he has worked to accumulate)
He is intelligent but dyslexic so would like to read more but finds it hard. It doesn't mean he is thick.
I just think you should judge every guy on his own merits is all smile

buzzskillington Fri 23-Sep-11 22:46:42

I think (actually I know) that there are guys in menial jobs with very academic/intellectual minds. I know a labourer with a PhD grin. But I do get what you mean, I think.

Maybe you need to work on yourself a bit, so you don't fall into the trap of dating guys you actually don't like that much. It's less about the job they do really, more about finding someone you have a lot in common with.

HardCheese Fri 23-Sep-11 23:38:54

I think some people are being hard on the OP. My younger sister, who is much the cleverest of the family, rebelled at school, got poor exam results and didn't go to university. (I should say I'm from a working-class background, where neither parent stayed in school past the age of 13, because of serious poverty in both families, so university was a big step for me (eldest) and my two other siblings followed suit.)

My sister has ended up in a series of low-level secretarial jobs she finds unfulfilling and isolating, hiding her intelligence because her workmates find her reading 'weird', and ending up with a string of men who've treated her badly. She has gone on to study as a part-time mature student, but I do think she would have found her niche in life more easily if she'd gone to university immediately after school, and would have found a wider variety of friends and lovers.

But OP, the fact that you dropped out of university first time because of an unpleasant and unacademic boyfriend does suggest you may be confusing the two. But I don't see anything snobbish in you wanting someone who cn accompany you intellectually or making up your mind about the kind of man you want - though bear in mind that intelligence and ambition aren't restricted to degree holders, and people have lots of reasons for not achieving educationally.

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