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'D'H is acting like a stroppy teenager and I'm not sure whether to strangle him or not.(6 Posts)
Firstly, I apologise if this gets long. I am going to try to be objective, however I really do just think he's a knob right now, I'm so cross.
DH makes me want to bite my own arm of and hit him with it sometimes, especially since DC4 arrived. He is making life bloody miserable for everyone at home and I am sick to death of it.
DS2 is just 4 weeks on saturday, we also have DS1 (15), who has ASD, DD1 (13) and DD2 (5), who also has ASD, as do I (just for the record, not that it matters).
DH is self employed so hasn't had much, if anytime time off in ages and I know he is feeling it recenly. Although to be honest, neither have I. I am SAHM, but I work pretty much most school time hours for DH's business for F All. (I have since come to my senses, set up my own business and I'm now invoicing him monthly for hours I have worked for him).
So, as you can imagine, life is pretty hectic, loud a little bit crazy. So anyway, DH is becoming more and more grumpy, he complains about EVERYTHING, and can be quite horrible. Now this is pretty much what he's been like for a WHOLE fortnight now.
I am furious with him. Not only have I just given birth, but I am breastfeeding, have 3 other children to look after, I look after my dad, am back working a few hours, plus pretty much everything else that goes with it. How bloody dare he be in a bad mood!!
I don't actually know what I'm asking, I just wanted to rant. I am going to read him the riot act later when he has got over himself.
By the way he is not normally this much of a horrible person, so I'm wondering whether he may actually be struggling a bit?
My DC2 is 5 weeks and my DH has been like a bear with a sore head whenever he's been a home with us since then (mostly weekends due to work).
And he's not even having to get up in the night as I've decamped to the nursery.
He is working very hard, long hours.
I think men do go through a type of PND. I also think it's bit of a caveman reaction because (I am also SAHM) they put extra pressure on themselves to be alpha male, sole-earner, etc.
I spoke to my MIL and her advice, painful though it was, was to let DH have some "time off" at weekends to go and let off steam. Go to the football, rugby, gym, whatever. A bit of a lie-in even. Although they don't necessarily deserve it, they will find an outlet for any stress and frustrations and be a better husband on their return. She swears by this for dealing with FIL and my DH seems to be wired the same.
The other thing that has worked for me in past week or so is to speak up and say "actually, I still feel knackered and shit after the birth, please help me more!". And I've been to the GP to reinforce this. I was prescribed some antibiotics to knock a lingering illness on the head and that alone has helped loads. Am going back to GP next week to have my ragged bits inspected and hopefully will get some help in that department too. I was so determined to be supermum that DH thought I had bounced back 100% after the birth and was shocked when I said I still felt so bad. Giving birth is, IMHO, like going through a car crash and takes time to recover.
Make sure you negotiate some me-time too. Half an hour in the bath with a magazine and a glass of wine helps no end. And a nap one afternoon a weekend. For the sake of my sanity I'm giving DC2 a bottle a day (last feed of the evening) so I'm not tied to the baby and so that I can have a drink and a bit of an easier night. Almost every mum I know is doing this second time around. And I love breastfeeding, so this was a real wrench for me, but it has made me feel much better!
I really feel for you as a couple of weeks ago I felt the lack of DH support would tip me into PND and was about to call the health visitor in tears, but it has got a bit better.
We don't plan on any more DCs and it has helped to tell myself that we won't be having to go through this stage again. You have even more on your plate than we do - no ASD, work (me) or dad to care for here. And I'm finding it very hard.
Do you have any family or friends who could give you some respite from your other kids so you can enjoy some nice naps and feel-good sofa-cuddles with your baby? I love it when DC1 is at Pre-school and it's just the two of us!
Good luck - and well done for ranting on here rather than IRL.
BTW, love the "bite my own arm off and hit him with it". Not lost your sense of humour completely then?
P.S. So what I'm saying is avoid the strangulation, waiting for him to get oer himself, or telling him to man-up/grow a pair.
Try showing him a bit of kindness/understanding and hopefully he will reciprocate.
If not, return to option A
Thanks MrsBloomingTroll. I do think it might be that, however, I wish he would just piss off to his cave and sulk on his own.
Several months ago some of us on here mooted the idea of a business which was a husband hostel on every street, to send them to sleep at as and when we needed a break.
Time to go to Dragon's Den for the funding, methinks.
It is really tough. You have got a lot on your plate. You have my permission to a) ask (whoever) for help and b) feel a bit shit and sorry for yourself. But please don't forget to enjoy some time with your baby and please please seek help if you think you've got PND.
And don't be afraid to tell him to piss off sometimes. I took great pleasure telling DH to do precisely that last weekend. He had no idea he was being so grumpy.
I can't see how they wouldn't go for that fantastic idea. If we had them, that is where DH would be now. Instead I have sent him upstairs to sulk where we can't see him.
He will be told how horrendous he has been lately and that he needs to man up.
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