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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

'Rebuilding when your relationship ends' by Bruce Fisher. Any fellow dumpees for a support group?

44 replies

wellthatsdoneit · 22/09/2011 12:54

Went tits up for me in May and I seem to have been struggling badly in the last few weeks in particular. My counsellor (who used to work for Relate) said this book was recommended a lot. Anyone have/used it/wants to use it? He talks about doing it in a group and one chapter a week to mimic the 10 week divorce recovery workshop they run.

Anyone want to have a virtual support group and work through the book with me?

OP posts:

Report

wellthatsdoneit · 22/09/2011 13:01

'anyone fellow dumpees for a sport group' - what the fucking fuck????

Any fellow dumpees for a support group

As you were.....

OP posts:

RabbitPie · 22/09/2011 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 22/09/2011 16:25

I will do it. Split nearly 2 yrs ago ,a lot more settled now but enjoy reading ,have learnt so much and explains why I stayed in a bad relationship for so long.

wellthatsdoneit · 22/09/2011 16:41

Very good! Will ask MNHQ to correct thread title to see if that brings us anymore joiners.

Those who have already used it or been to a similar divorce recovery workshop are welcome to join us and impart your knowledge!

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akaemmafrost · 22/09/2011 17:47

I will join. Will have to order book though. Still feel very stuck in relationship although have started divorce proceedings. Want to do something positive to move forward. Ex was and is very EA and VA though so it is very difficult.

wellthatsdoneit · 22/09/2011 18:12

Welcome! When did it go tits up for you akaemmasmom?

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akaemmafrost · 22/09/2011 23:46

It was wrong pretty much all the way through for the 8 years we were together but we split officially about 18 months ago. Now in first stages of divorce. Can't seem to establish boundaries though as we have dc and he has nowhere for them to stay. Nightmare really.

bellsring · 24/09/2011 13:08

I would like to join.Received the book this morning.

lilbitmum · 24/09/2011 15:46

I'd like to join though don't have the book. Will order today. Told eldest daughter we were splitting up today (she's 8), youngest is a month shy of 3 so too young to tell. It's been building up to this right through the summer, though really it's been in the making since I got pregnant with my daughter. Nine years ago (nine years!)We separated for 9 mo when my son was 4 months. Though this is final. Though I know it's the right thing to do, still finding it difficult to accept. Feel absolutely emotionally and physically wrecked. Not sure if this is the right thread as in some ways it might be a bit early to join?

wellthatsdoneit · 24/09/2011 17:53

The more the merrier - I'm sure we can all help each other. I still feel very 'early' in the process too, mainly I think because it was my h who initiated the split and not what I wanted. I'm still in the 'god I hope we get back together phase' even though I left his country 3 months ago, am about to get the divorce papers served personally on him, and we don't speak other than a back and forth email arguing about the children/divorce. In spite of all of that I am still in the 'can't believe this is happening' phase and walking round feeling like I've had my insides ripped out.

When do people expect their books to arrive? That will give us an idea of a start date.

And 'bump' for anyone else who wants to join us!

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lilbitmum · 24/09/2011 19:34

Great, I'll get on amazon tonight.

lilbitmum · 28/09/2011 23:13

I've got the book and ready to go if anyone else is

veryconfusedatthemoment · 28/09/2011 23:56

Can I join please, although will need to order the book? Found out in April STBE H was having an affair. Years of an unhappy marriage so there was really no point continuing on. He has moved out, bought a flat and seems to be enjoying life with madam the bitch. But I have been so emotionally affected - I keep crying, feel depressed, lonely etc. Really need to get life sorted by the end of this year so i can start celebrating in 2012!

GalaxyAddict · 29/09/2011 00:14

Going to order the book now from Amazon, so can I also join please.

wellthatsdoneit · 29/09/2011 09:12

Everybody is more than welcome. Shall we say to read the first couple of chapters (which I think are the introduction and the first building block (denial)) over the weekend and report in on Monday with our thoughts, where we think we are in the process etc? I was thinking of doing one chapter a week, reporting in every Monday (or when you can). Does that sound ok?

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GalaxyAddict · 29/09/2011 10:10

I only ordered my book last night, so it probably won't be here till next week. How are we going to report it back, are we going to do it openly on here or is there a more private way of doing it? Are you guys on Facebook, we could create a private group on there and all chat via that - just an idea?

wellthatsdoneit · 29/09/2011 19:44

Just jump in as soon as you can galaxyaddict (good name by the way) - we can discuss the first couple of chapters all next week and anyone else who wants to jump in at anynpoint can do so when they like as I'm sure we'll keep referring back to stuff as we go along.

I dont have a facebook accountnso would be happy to keep it on here unless others have strong objections, plus having it on here keeps it 'live' and open to others who want to join in at any point. I'm happy to set up a fb account though if that's what the majority want.

A quick roll call:
wellthatsdoneit
Rabbitpie
Patienceobtainsallthings
Akaemmafrost
Bellsring
Lilbitmum
Veryconfusedatthemoment
Galaxyaddict

Anymore for anymore?!

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Patienceobtainsallthings · 29/09/2011 19:48

just waiting for book to arrive ,im happy mn or fb x

notsorted · 29/09/2011 19:52

Hi, can I join? Desperate to get beyond anger/grief/disbelief and it was an abusive relationship too

wellthatsdoneit · 29/09/2011 20:35

Of course notsorted. With you on the can't get past the disbelief/grief/anger, so much sympathy extended your way.

Can all who've actually got the book say 'aye' as not much point us starting on Monday if there's only a couple of us!

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MamaMassageMe · 30/09/2011 07:34

Hello I'd like to join please :) Will order book today! And catch up with you guys when it arrives! Have DS 14mo and 35 wks pregnant (hmm) ExP moved out almost 4 months ago, all the way next door to his parents. Last 2 months have been me begging, doing what I can to rebuild.Decided to tell me 2 nights ago he doesn't love me, might love me again -so don't do anything silly and watch your decisions (!) and doesn't see the point of working towards anything (except that he feels "sorry" for me bastard!! ) He's been sending mixed signals for months now and doing/saying the most cruel things. Its time to move away and forward. He's enjoying this to much :( Great idea for a thread!!! Mummies are so resourceful! Thanks :) xxx

veryconfusedatthemoment · 03/10/2011 00:58

Ordered book on Friday - no email yet to even say it has been sent :(

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Patienceobtainsallthings · 03/10/2011 13:23

MMM wtf ? He is a cruel tosser,but you know that already.Hope ur ok re pregnancy.my kids are 15mths apart too xxx
Still waiting for my book

GalaxyAddict · 04/10/2011 17:41

I got my book today, so will read it tomorrow. Starting the Freedom Programme tomorrow, not too sure what that is going to be like.

wellthatsdoneit · 06/10/2011 10:19

God sorry girls, I had actually LOST my book. Now found it again and will endeavour to reread first couple of chapters and check in on Monday. Someone give me a shove if I don't though. Im prone to procrastination.

If anyone else has already read and wants to give us your thoughts then please do go ahead.

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