I have a friend who is a muslim who was born overseas but is a naturalised citizen here and has a child who was born here. She is married to an abusive, controlling man who has now, as of last night, started to be violent towards her. She is also recovering from a life-threatening illness.
She is struggling to think abut leaving him because of her culture and religion.
I have told her that she doesn't need to put up with this.
I, and another friend, have explained that he is lying when he tells her that if she leaves she will be thrown out of the country if she leaves him and that she will have to leave her child here.
We have previously taken her to a benefits adviser and she now knows that she will get financial help if she leaves him (he had told her she would be penniless). We have taken copies of key documents like passports, bank statements and citizenship documents and we are holding them for her. He does not know we have these.
I have offered her an emergency bed at my house anytime day or night if she needs to flee, whilst we sort out somewhere else for her to go. He does know where I live but that's a risk I'll have to accept to help my friend.
He is now controlling her email and facebook accounts and has taken her mobile phone away. The only "unsupervised" contact she has with us is on school run. She has no money at all, literally. He buys all the food. She has not one penny in her purse. I am now keeping an envelope of cash at home in case she needs it to get away. She knows that.
We check on her every weekday. She is not allowed to see or contact us at weekends.
This morning her child said to me "I saved my mum's life last night". I fear the child might be the next target.
I know it has to be her decision to leave him. I will do anything to support her that I can. I feel utterly powerless, I cannot begin to imagine how she feels.
Can anyone think of anything else that I can do? I know there is a forced marriage helpline but this isn't the situation. Who else can we talk to? Should I contact school about my concerns? Is it worth talking to the police or is that something she has to do?
Any advice would be most gratefully received.
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Domestic violence. What can I do to help?
10 replies
Helenagrace · 22/09/2011 10:45
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