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Found out something awkward about XP

(12 Posts)
MonkeyChow Wed 21-Sep-11 22:31:20

Split with ex 3yrs ago, have remained on very good terms and have a very close friendship.

I know he has had the odd fling during this time but has recently told me he has met someone he is serious about.

It's quite a big step for him, he had hoped for us to get back together and the fact he has told me about this girl tells me she is important enough for him to have moved on.

I'm not proud of it but I did a bit of fb snooping (I know, I know...I hate fb) purely because I felt a bit weird about it all and had a really strong urge to see what she looked like. Anyway...she's married.

There is a slim chance he knows and they are having an affair - I wouldnt approve but none of my business. More likely, I think, is that he is oblivious. They live a fair distance apart so it's not like they meet up all the time.

I don't feel it's my place to say anything to him, but I've seen him go through the pain of our relationship ending and how long it has taken him to get his confidence back so feel terrible standing back and watching him be taken for a ride.

Would it be really bad of me to say nothing?

HerHissyness Wed 21-Sep-11 22:33:59

Love, not your business anymore. he's a big boy, and she's doing what she's doing.

IF it goes tits up and you want to be there for him as a friend, fine, but leave it to him for now.

buzzskillington Wed 21-Sep-11 22:34:29

She might be separated? He might know & be having an affair but knew you'd disapprove so didn't tell you?

I can't see there's any way of telling him that won't come off as jealous ex stirring.

tallwivglasses Wed 21-Sep-11 22:56:26

You could always ask if he's checked up on her, all casually-like...

said Wed 21-Sep-11 23:05:52

Does he not use FB?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Thu 22-Sep-11 00:39:38

When he was telling you about her, did you ask if she was married or had dc etc?

Presumably he's on FB too and can see her profile?

If you feel you can carry it off without coming over as party pooper, could you have FB on your screen when he's next due to visit your home and say 'O, is x on FB? I'd love to see a photo of her' and put her name in or whatever it is you have to do (as you may have guessed, I'm not on Facebook) to show the information you've discovered. Of course you'd then have to act as if her info is news to you.

Maybe she's married but separated or divorced and hasn't updated her details?

SlinkingOutsideInSocks Thu 22-Sep-11 07:15:35

I find it hard to believe that a little garden variety snooping has revealed that she is married, but that your ex-DP is in the dark about it, while you, some random (to her) is aware...

OK, perhaps she is, but if you're able to find this out via nothing more than a quick peak on FB, then he, who has actually developed a relationship with her must be aware of the situation. She's not exactly keeping it under wraps - presumably she has an open profile, if you were able to ascertain this? And if she's not keeping it under wraps then either he's also aware or all is not as it seems.

It could well be that she is married, separated but not divorced? Or any other set of circumstances which you're not privy to?

If you're good friend's, then just put it to him outright - I personally would have no qualms about saying to a good friend that I'd had a squizz at their new partner and it looks like they're married; what's the craic?

I'm sure there's a perfectly innocent explanation - she's hardly being secret squirrel about it. smile

ljgibbs Thu 22-Sep-11 10:46:47

How do you know if you are snooping on the correct person? You may have looked at someone elses facebook.

SingOut Thu 22-Sep-11 12:18:05

'Very close friendship'? Googling his new partner? You're giving this way too much headspace, love. Move on with your own life and leave him to live his, it's not your business what he does, and it's certainly not your place to mention anything to him. Back awaaaay slowly grin

ArmageddonOuttahere Thu 22-Sep-11 12:22:21

Nothing good can come of you raising this with him. It's crossing a line.

How would you honestly feel if you discovered that he'd been snooping on your new partner? My guess is that you'd assume that his intentions were meddlesome at the least and that he was probably still in love with you.

MonkeyChow Thu 22-Sep-11 14:28:37

Typing it up made me think, he must know, it doesn't seem as if he does, but he must.

He's not on fb, and ( unlike me) not a snooper so it did seem conceivable he wouldn't know. And no, she isn't separated, that's quite clear on her fb page.

I'm just going to assume he knows and forget all about it.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks Fri 23-Sep-11 03:06:40

So her FB page is open for all to see? And she bangs on about being married on it?

He knows, then.

And I have to admit - I agree with SingOut. Your OP very much reads as either someone who still has feelings for their ex, or, more likely - someone who gets more than a little ego boost out of their ex pining for them and doesn't like the idea of that status qui changing. I've met one or two people like that before, and it's not a good look. Really not.

Apologies if I'm wide of the mark.

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