Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Am i over-reacting?

(12 Posts)
ticktickboom Wed 21-Sep-11 20:51:46

DP cheated on me a few times throughout our 2 year relationship - i decided to stay with him because i am either really stupid or blinded by love.

i am using a new internet server and it automatically brings up the sites in the history of the laptop every time you type in the search bar. I know my other half watches porn (so do i) and it really doesn't bother me when its your usual video porn sites but i have just realised that the site he is using is a cam website and he has been watching other woman in the UK perform on webcams. These are real people and he has signed himself up so he can send messages to tell them what to do when he is watching them. He has also been on a cam to cam site so he has obviously been on the webcam himself.

I am really angry and hurt. To me, this is a form of cheating because he is actually watching 'real people' in 'real time'. I cant bring myself to confront him about it until i calm down a bit.

i am really not sure if i am just over-reacting or if this really is as bad as i think it is. I wouldn't even have thought twice if it had just been a porn video site but its the fact that these people are actually all on there to message each other and do what they are told on a cam in their bedrooms.

our sex life was crap but recently it's been much better so i know he isn't replacing me with the webcams.

would you be annoyed if this was your partner or am i just being stupid?

PeppermintPasty Wed 21-Sep-11 20:59:29

Annoyed? I'd go absolutely ballistic!! No way are you being unreasonable.

And what's a "few times" as far as cheating is concerned? You're not very long into a relationship at 2 yrs to be having all this grief, you should be happy! Sounds simple and it is. Is all this really worth it? He sounds grim. Sorry.

RabbitPie Wed 21-Sep-11 21:01:18

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ticktickboom Wed 21-Sep-11 21:03:32

thank you. i am going to have some words with him this evening as soon as he gets off the playstation. I am actually still pretty angry but thats a good thing for me because i need to be angry to be able to assert myself in any situation (im very shy)

thanks smile

quidsi Wed 21-Sep-11 21:09:50

I'm a bit confused. Is it ok for him to watch porn as long as its not in "real time" with "real people"? Is it the fact it is interactive that has annoyed you? Because surely all porn involves "real" people unless he is watching some sort of cartoon porn?

RabbitPie Wed 21-Sep-11 21:09:54

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

quidsi Wed 21-Sep-11 21:11:20

Sorry I missed the bit about you waiting till he got off the playstation. Seriously?

PeppermintPasty Wed 21-Sep-11 21:13:41

Me too. I'd be tempted to step on his bloody playstation and grab his attention by the scruff of its neck!

ticktickboom Wed 21-Sep-11 21:17:53

quidsi - i completely understand that porn is always real people but what i mean by the cam sites is that he is in a chatroom with other woman who are on a webcam and performing for the men in the chatroom. i would post the site for you to see what i mean but im not sure if it is allowed in here or not.

he knows that i don't like him using that site and he is still using it. same with a swinging website he was using trying to get other women to come and meet him for sex - he didn't understand why i was angry with that. he was using both sites in conjunction with each other which makes me think that he is using them all again. why should he need to watch other woman on there web cams when he has a girlfriend?

thats the playstation off now so its my time to tell him what i think

thanks for all the comments

buzzskillington Wed 21-Sep-11 21:22:27

The first couple of years with someone ought to be the honeymoon period - honestly ticktick, you should dump this twat.

Is this what you want from a relationship? Always worrying he'll cheat on you again? Trying to fight down your upset that he's web-camming other women?

quidsi Wed 21-Sep-11 21:22:49

Tick I completely understood what you were saying. I just don't understand the difference between your DP getting off on a woman who is able to interact with him and getting off on a woman who isn't able to interact. It all sounds grubby to me. I think you deserve alot better.

PeppermintPasty Wed 21-Sep-11 21:23:18

Well, ticktick, it all sounds awful to me. Using porn is using porn. You do know that not all men do this don't you? I wouldn't be happy with any of this sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now