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(6 Posts)
DLCC Wed 21-Sep-11 12:25:25

I feel like I’m turning into a psycho stalker. I have been separated for 2 years in January and have two sons, 7 and 2. I decided to have a go at online dating back in February and my first date turned into a 4 month relationship. He lived about 100 miles from me so I would usually drive up to him every other weekend and spend Friday to Sunday with him, as my ex had ours sons. On the weekends that I had the boys we would meet for lunch or dinner on one of the days. He didn’t meet my children. The first two months were great, even though on our first two or three dates I wasn’t 100% sure, but the constant texts, phone calls and attention reeled me in and I fell for him. He booked flights for a weekend away two weeks after we met (nothing had happened between us) The second two months weren’t so great. The calls and texts became less frequent. He was always so busy with work. I gave him a couple of opportunities to finish it but he carried on. Anyway finally finished at the end of June and I cut all contact. Deleted him from Facebook, no texts etc. A month after we finished he got back in contact and we met up for lunch, all fine, but that got me thinking again.....we then met up and I stayed over a couple of times, but nothing was ever said about getting back together. He probably thought all his luck had come at once, no strings and all that....I know he’s not right for me, especially when he said one of the reasons we finished was because of my age (I’m 40 in November) and that he wants kids and the pressure would really be on if we were to have them together (he’s 41, never been married or had kids, or come to think of it a relationship over 3yrs long)

So why can I not stop bl**dy thinking about him? practically stalking him on Facebook (his wall is open), seeing if he’s still on the dating website, wondering what he’s doing etc etc??

I feel as if I’m about 20 not a nearly 40 year old mother of two!!

How can I stop?!!

buzzskillington Wed 21-Sep-11 12:41:04

One thing you can do is block him on FB, then I don't think you'll be able to see him at all on there.

Everytime you start wanting to search his stuff, look at 'baggagereclaim' instead?

Fill your obsessing time with other activities.

FabbyChic Wed 21-Sep-11 22:02:37

Get yourself back on a dating site and meet another man, one who does not want more children and is ready to just have a one on one with a like minded female.

DLCC Thu 22-Sep-11 13:29:37

Thanks very much. Have deleted him from FB and so has my brother (that's how I could see his wall) feel a lot better today...can't believe he has turned me into this!! hopefully will look back in a few weeks time and wonder what on earth I was thinking!!

FabbyChic - have just joined mysinglefriend!

Thanks again!

mumsamilitant Thu 22-Sep-11 14:40:56

Yep, onwards and upwards, far more people to stalk! Only kidding DLCC. A classic case of wanting someone coz they don't want you. He will be a distant memory very soon I'm sure smile

SingOut Thu 22-Sep-11 15:05:07

Ahhhh... Yes.
I encountered one like that. He is what the author of baggage reclaim would call a 'Future Faker'. He came on really strong (red flag) and seemed to promise loads and then fell short. Interesting that you did initially have doubts but were swept along by his barrage of attention. I would really recommend reading widely around this site and don't necessarily assume you are ready to date again right away. The fact you smothered your intuitions and went for him and are now behaving as you are points to deeper issues that would benefit from some 'time out' from men/dating. Just my two pence worth. Good luck, whatever you do smile

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