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Have you or would you consider going to a lap dancing club..

(35 Posts)
Devilscelery Tue 20-Sep-11 22:32:00

With your dp/dh? Those who have, did you enjoy the experience or hate it? Am I mad to even consider?

buzzskillington Tue 20-Sep-11 23:09:12

Why would you?

garlicnutty Wed 21-Sep-11 00:28:53

I have - with clients, though not with XH; he wouldn't agree for me to go with. I find it depressing. Look around at the men in the audience; it shows you what feminism's up against.

If you're not likely to become all jealous and/or insecure, I think it's instructive for reason above. If the plan is to have a private dance or otherwise join in with 'using' the dancers, please don't do it. You'd be contributing to the industry's exploitation of women, which is often severe, and doing strange things to your comprehension of what your own sexuality is worth.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks Wed 21-Sep-11 03:32:51

No, because I object to them for for feminist reasons.

I have no problem with my DH looking at naked women within the context of a strip club and I know he has been once or twice on stag dos - although his mates aren't actually the type to go to strip clubs on stag dos.

So my problem isn't with insecurity or jealousy or anything like that. It is the treatment of these women in the clubs, the fact that for every 'happy stripper' there will be 10 miserable ones, who've been coerced into it or 'chosen' it themselves out of a desperation I (and i hope you) will never experience. sad

If you do decide to go, please don't join in using any of the dancers. They're human beings.

Find a willing person who actively wants (i.e. isn't being paid) to do it with you instead.

peasandlove Wed 21-Sep-11 04:41:39

I have been with my other half and on my own. I used to drink in one fairly often. It depends on your motivation really?

AnyFucker Wed 21-Sep-11 07:33:35

Why are some people happy to see the distinction between entering the club and availing themselves of it's facilities, thus supporting the industry... and "using" one of the dancers/getting a private dance

I wouldn't cross the threshold, personally, because of course it implies you condone everything that goes on in there (and makes you look like a hypocrite with dual standards)

AnyFucker Wed 21-Sep-11 07:34:51

Come on, have the courage of your convictions

Be a user of the sex industry and support the objectification of women...or don't

DooinMeCleanin Wed 21-Sep-11 07:47:43

I used to work in one. I never went in with DH. Boyfriends/partners were banned, even when you were not working.

A two part tatic to a) prevent jealous OHs kicking off with customers/other girls and b) try and prevent the workers being forced into dancing by controlling other halves. Interviews/auditions were always conducted just the girl, manager and for safety one or two dancers. No Boyfriends/husbands. No BF/DHs were allowed in the club, if they were picking you up from work they had to wait around the block and a doorman would escort you to the car. Girls were always asked to make sure they wanted to dance and they were not being co-erced, particularly younger girls, although as a general rule, my boss wouldn't employ girls younger than 21. If they were being co-erced or were in an abusive relationship it usually came out a few weeks/months later among the girls and we'd do our best to help them leave.

People did used to come in couples. Generally the girls wouldn't pay that much attention to your partner or you, other than to ask if you needed anything. Groups of males they'd sit and drink/chat with. There was no reason for this other than you could normally tell that couples just wanted a dance or two and to be left alone as a couple to enjoy the night. If you asked the girls to sit with you, they'd be happy to.

Saying that there are some horrendous clubs out there. I wouldn't visit one with DH unless it was reccomended to me by another female, preferrably one who worked there. I only worked at one or two clubs. There were very many in our local area I wouldn't have worked in for all the tea in China.

2wwmadness Wed 21-Sep-11 07:52:30

Yes I've been with a client. He thought it was amusing to buy me dances all night. We we tin the private room and I said to the girl "you don't have to, just sit here and have a break and I'll tell him it was great" she wouldn't, said she loved giving dancesand insisted on it. She was loving it!

swallowedAfly Wed 21-Sep-11 07:57:27

i'd say reason c) was not to inconvenience the customers with the idea of you as a human being with a real life including a partner. would kind of ruin the object i own feel.

i have been into one in my younger years when i was considering doing a fieldwork piece on the sex industry (also met with an 'escort' agency owner for an 'interview'). i wouldn't now.

other than the reasons already given - every time a man sees a woman sitting in one or going into one it probably makes him feel that more absolved and normal for paying to objectify women cos like women go there too don't they.

Riveninabingle Wed 21-Sep-11 08:12:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maras2 Wed 21-Sep-11 08:33:41

As usual, I agree with AF.Women who say that they don't mind their partners oggling strippers are either deluding themselves or lying.Though God know why.

swallowedAfly Wed 21-Sep-11 09:25:34

or they too think that these women are some kind of 'other' breed.

sprogger Wed 21-Sep-11 09:28:29

Dooinmecleanin, thanks for posting your experiences of working in a strip club.

For those who'd like some more insight into the actual working of strip clubs from the perspectives of the women who work in them, I recommend having a nosey around StripperNet. (Google it.) It's an online community for strippers, and it's an eye-opener.

As others have already said, for every woman who can say, "My club is great, we're really well protected, and I make loads of money without having to do anything that makes me uncomfortable," there are several who will admit that they work in "high contact" clubs and they're the ones exchanging tips like, "how to pretend you're masturbating during a lap dance but really protecting yourself from a customer trying to put his finger into you".

From what I read there, there is a huge taboo around doing "extras," yet everyone seems to know of women who've done them (stories always related with scorn, btw). Then you get into the "private parties" - i.e. bachelor parties, mainly - where it's commonly accepted that in order to make any money, you'll have to do more than what you'd do in a club, i.e. allow some contact and do a "show" involving sex toys.

There is a big continuum of standards and behaviour. I think unless you're working in a club, you can't tell what type of club you're in and therefore what exactly you're supporting.

Becaroooo Wed 21-Sep-11 09:32:58


I do not support the sex industry or the objectification of women, which is what you are doing if you go to these places.

Cheria Wed 21-Sep-11 09:33:41

I went to a lap dancing club with XP a few years ago in Paris. It was a stag night, and I was the only woman invited. I actually had a fun night. I didn't find it seedy, and the dancers all chatted away nicely to me. They seemed very happy.

I wouldn't choose to go to one again as I quite frankly have better things to do with my time, but I don't think all clubs are exploutative.

sistersootica Wed 21-Sep-11 09:34:30

what Becaroooo said. No I have not and would not.

AliceWyrld Wed 21-Sep-11 09:39:21

Yeh a group of us have considered going in one to shame the people in there. I figure we wouldn't get let in though.

orangina Wed 21-Sep-11 09:48:21

No and no.

Malificence Wed 21-Sep-11 11:15:44

"No, because I object to them for for feminist reasons."

"I have no problem with my DH looking at naked women within the context of a strip club and I know he has been once or twice on stag dos "

Those two statements are completely contradictory, if you object to them, surely you would object (very strongly) to your husband supporting the sex industry?

There's little difference between a LDC and a brothel in my eyes (in a lot of countries they are one and the same) their sole purpose is to empty the wallets of stupid, dick-led men with no moral conscience.

PeppermintPasty Wed 21-Sep-11 11:19:00

No. Never. Give over. What AF and Becaroo said.

Where's this going? If bloody magpienchips turns up there'll be blood on the carpet.

Hullygully Wed 21-Sep-11 11:20:30

Ooo yes please

I like a bit of titty

SybilBeddows Wed 21-Sep-11 11:30:30

I wouldn't dream of it.

We know that large numbers of women are working in these clubs either because they have been trafficked, or through choice but because they have a drug habit to support or have been abused in the past.

People will assure you there are also women who are doing it willingly.

The problem is, the women who are being exploited don't wear a badge that says 'Trafficked!' 'or 'Drug addict' so you know which dancers, or which clubs, to avoid if you don't want to share the exploitation.

You wouldn't hire a firm to do work for you if you knew that 10% of the staff were slaves. Or buy a t-shirt which had a 1 in 20 chance of being produced by child labour.

So regardless of whether I would enjoy it or not, I would not take the risk of doing something which means I may be actively taking part in abuse and exploitation. The thought makes me shudder.

garlicnutty Wed 21-Sep-11 11:34:39

I'm sticking with my "I found it instructive." Every time these threads come up, there are always some comments that show the writer doesn't actually have a clue what a lapdancing club is. Fair enough but, if you're going to have an opinion, you ought to know about the subject.

I don't go by choice, and am no longer in the job that required it. At that time, my business was improved by sometimes going along - I got out of it as often as possible, usually by taking the blokes for a very excellent dinner instead. FWIW, I paid for drinks and public dances but made it clear I didn't want the dances, for me or my guests. Never had a problem with it.

To me, there's something tragic about couples where the woman's doing her best to join in her partner's fun. I don't see how you can reduce another woman to an object - a compilation of sex parts - without doing the same to yourself.

steamedtreaclesponge Wed 21-Sep-11 11:40:06

Never. Would never go and would never be with a man who did.

It's as Sybil said - obviously, some women who work there are fine with their job. But if even one woman in that club has been forced or coerced into it, that is too many for me. And even if that wasn't the case, lap-dancing clubs, for me, are about viewing women as objects and and commercialising a very particular kind of sexuality that I want nothing to do with.

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