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About to dump my boyfriend!

(36 Posts)
GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 19:17:10

We've only been going out with each other for over a year, he has full custody of his 3 yr old ds, I have both my dcs and atm he seems to have no time for me at all, I try to go to his every Friday night, when my eldest dc goes to his dads, he has every other Saturday childless, unless child is ill which he is, a lot according to boyf.
He's now started a college course on a whim, which means he's at college for 3 days a week soon to be 4. I asked him to my friends wedding a month ago, he said yes right up to the day before when he told me he had plans, then I found out these plans were blackberry picking with ds, I asked him to meet me in town last week he told me he was hanging up a curtain pole, I tried to sort out a meal out, booked a sitter and booked the table, and he rang me that morning after only seeing him an hour before to tell me dc was ill again, he didn't ask me up to his for a few hours either, knowing I'd booked a sitter, he's rang me ten times in the last 4 months I've rang him twice that since the beginning of this month.
He had plenty of opportunities to meet in town in the holidays, we were even in town at the same time a lot too, but we actually met up around 6 times, some of the times he was meeting his friend or with his mum. He's
even been down my way in his mum's car and hasn't bothered to pop in and see me. This sort of thing has been going off for months and I really have ran out of ideas, I honestly do think he's not interested any more, my friend said to me this morning that he's doing this so that I dump him and he can make me out to be the bad guy, she also said that all my friends have noticed how he's behaving and know that I am not the bad guy!

Please tell me I'm doing the right thing before I actually do it.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Tue 20-Sep-11 19:20:01

It's entirely your decision. But it sounds nothing worse than him putting his son first. You can't criticise that really.

said Tue 20-Sep-11 19:21:01

You're definitely doing the right thing. I'm so sorry but he's being cowardly so dump and move on with your life

MangoMonster Tue 20-Sep-11 19:23:58

I'd dump him, you don't sound happy with him.

GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 19:24:19

I put my kids first too, last summer we spent every day either round mine or in the park with all of our dc's this year we've hardly done that at all, he would go weeks without any contact with me, and sees my family and friends more than me.

carlywurly Tue 20-Sep-11 19:25:19

It's a cliche but he's just not that into you. Childcare aside, he's not making the most of opportunities he does have to see you.

Move on, you're doing the right thing.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 20-Sep-11 19:25:41

It's over but he hasn't got the courage to tell you.

Get in first, tell him you no longer wish to see him, and go look elsewhere for a man who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.

carlywurly Tue 20-Sep-11 19:25:59

Weeks without contact? That's no relationship.

MangoMonster Tue 20-Sep-11 19:27:13

If you don't think things will change and it's not for you, you're doing the right thing.

Stormwater Tue 20-Sep-11 19:28:52

I'm not sure I'd bother dumping him, just wait to see if he gets in touch, and only then tell him it was over.

GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 19:33:37

Storm that what my nan said to do, but I cant be doing with weeks of waiting for him to ring. He hasn't spoke to me since letting me down on saturday morning.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-11 19:35:55

Sorry love, I think he got in there first, but is too much of a chickenshit to face up to you

GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 19:36:27

Also he drops his ds off in the creche, near to the school that I drop my dc off, at the same time!!! he runs off to college as soon as he's dropped him off, I am usually waiting on the other side of the fence to the car park that he drops him off in.

SingOut Tue 20-Sep-11 19:37:36

You're doing the right thing AND you know it grin. This is a total non-relationship and it doesn't have to be that way. You've obviously tried everything you can think of and I think you can walk away knowing you did all you could have, frankly. He sounds like he doesn't care that much and is quite complacent. People who are really really into you just don't behave in that way. Cut your losses now.

carlywurly Tue 20-Sep-11 19:38:33

Definitely over. Wouldn't even bother calling him. He sounds incredibly immature tbh.

GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 20:00:26

I'm going to ring him now.

GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 20:01:23

And his phones fucking engaged.

warthog Tue 20-Sep-11 20:06:18

don't ring him!

just don't ever contact him again.

much more satisfying.

warthog Tue 20-Sep-11 20:07:00

if you ring him it shows him you care enough to bother.

if you never contact him again it tells him you really can't be arsed.

vent on here instead.

overmydeadbody Tue 20-Sep-11 20:07:03

sounds like you are doing the right thing. This is no relationship.

SingOut Tue 20-Sep-11 20:07:22

At least he's been consistent to the very end, OP. Good luck for when you get through. I predict a wave of relief (for you) after you've told him its over. x

ToPeeOrNotToPee Tue 20-Sep-11 20:09:03

You've put up with this for over a year? You're better than me

GossipWitch Tue 20-Sep-11 20:12:21

Only for five months, Topee he was awesome before that.

MangoMonster Tue 20-Sep-11 20:14:05

Well if he's changed, maybe he has lost enthusiasm?

oldwomaninashoe Tue 20-Sep-11 20:17:34

I would also do what Storm said, if you run into him be very vague and say "But I thought you 'd dumped me?"

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