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I just called the police

(31 Posts)
IWantWine Tue 20-Sep-11 18:02:09

my son assaulted my daughter sad

she isnt hurt, but I cant deal with this any more. it is no good him being sorry sad

Please tell me they wont arrest him! I just want him to get help.

HereBeBolloX Tue 20-Sep-11 18:03:39

How old is your DS and DD

Sorry you are going through this

ChooChooWowWow Tue 20-Sep-11 18:05:16

You poor thing. I hope your dd is ok. How old are your dc?.

IWantWine Tue 20-Sep-11 18:06:19

they are both young adults, he is 2 years older than her.

it isnt the first time. I love him but he wont listen to me. I have tried to talk to him, to explain. I think he gets his ideas from his father. who is emotionally, verbally and financially abusive towards me and towards our daughter. She doesnt deserve this.

HereBeBolloX Tue 20-Sep-11 18:07:43

Well what else could you do?

It's not OK for him to assault people, is it? And you can't stop him doing it, that's what the police are for.

NormaStanleyFletcher Tue 20-Sep-11 18:07:49

Oh how hard for you

<<holds hand>>

BluddyMoFo Tue 20-Sep-11 18:08:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChooChooWowWow Tue 20-Sep-11 18:11:58

I don't know what they will do. It probably depends on what you mean by young adults. If he is over 18 it may make a difference. Does your dd want to press charges?.
Maybe they will just talk to him and give him a warning or point you all in the direction of someone who may be able to help you all.

Do both your dc live with you?. Would iot be possible for your ds to live somewhere else to give you and dd a break.

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch Tue 20-Sep-11 18:16:48

What about you OP?

Could this be the start of help for you?

ragged Tue 20-Sep-11 18:18:21

I am so sorry to read this. The police have limited tools at their disposal. They may suggest restorative justice, but that's probably not what you need, I would have thought.

For what it's worth...my mother's actions sent my brother to prison and both she and he reckons that it was a good thing, turned his life around.

buzzskillington Tue 20-Sep-11 18:20:13

I think it's good that you called the police, well done.

I think you also ought to use this as the final straw to make sure you and your dd are both out of an abusive situation. Stop showing your ds that women will just put up with abuse, get out of your relationship with your dh. Make sure you set up decent boundaries with your son and seek help from Women's Aid for both yourself and your daughter.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 20-Sep-11 18:41:13

Please let the police deal with the matter in the way that they see fit.

If this means that he is arrested for assault, so be it. He needs to learn that his behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated by either you or your dd.

If he doesn't learn now, think of the life your future dgcs will have with him as their father - to say nothing of the pain and misery he will inflict on any woman who has the misfortune to be in a relationship with him.

GypsyMoth Tue 20-Sep-11 18:44:52

He will be arrested

Dont feel bad.....late last year/early this year, dd went off the rails a bit!

I called police twice,and her sister once. She was 14. Arrested x 3, 3 separate nights in the cells. Youth offending team helped, she's turned herself around now and wanting to be a police officer! She totally realises it was necessary

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-11 18:47:13

You all live in abusive household together ?

Oh, please use this incident as the catalyst to get you and your dc away from such a toxic situation sad

IWantWine Tue 20-Sep-11 19:47:02

Thanks for your comments.

They have been and took a detailed report, mainly about my situation. My daughter would not speak to them, she wont press charges, she has accepted my sons apology.

They did not arrest him but they did speak to him. I know he is truly sorry, and I hope that their involvement will be enough to prevent a reoccurrence. (Having read so many DV posts on here I am not entirely confident though). I know that the situation here is having a bad effect on all of us. When he comes home I will ask him to get help, whether it be counselling or anger management, I will let him decide as long as he will agree to get some help!

Regarding my OH... I dont understand why he wont agree to a divorce. He is emotionally and verbally abusive, he is a bully, he is financially abusive. He obviously does not care for me in anyway, in fact, he must hate me. Why would he want to sabotage his own chance of happiness in favour of dragging this relationship out to a very long and bitter end? Why is he so angry? Why? Why would he bother when he doesnt love me? He cant care that I dont love him?

Well I am instructing my solicitor this week so things are going to get so much worse before they get better. I said to the police officer, it is like a tooth extraction with no pain killer... suffer the toothache or the extraction! But things will be so much better after the extraction smile I just need courage!

IWantWine Tue 20-Sep-11 20:00:54

Thanks for your comments.

They have been and took a detailed report, mainly about my situation. My daughter would not speak to them, she wont press charges, she has accepted my sons apology.

They did not arrest him but they did speak to him. I know he is truly sorry, and I hope that their involvement will be enough to prevent a reoccurrence. (Having read so many DV posts on here I am not entirely confident though). I know that the situation here is having a bad effect on all of us. When he comes home I will ask him to get help, whether it be counselling or anger management, I will let him decide as long as he will agree to get some help!

Regarding my OH... I dont understand why he wont agree to a divorce. He is emotionally and verbally abusive, he is a bully, he is financially abusive. He obviously does not care for me in anyway, in fact, he must hate me. Why would he want to sabotage his own chance of happiness in favour of dragging this relationship out to a very long and bitter end? Why is he so angry? Why? Why would he bother when he doesnt love me? He cant care that I dont love him?

Well I am instructing my solicitor this week so things are going to get so much worse before they get better. I said to the police officer, it is like a tooth extraction with no pain killer... suffer the toothache or the extraction! But things will be so much better after the extraction smile I just need courage!

saltyair Tue 20-Sep-11 20:01:12

You've done a good thing - for you, your daughter AND for him. Young people need to know where the boundaries are, sometimes very firmly. You are a brave and loving parent.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-11 20:01:56

How awful. I wish you strength. You are doing the right thing x

He cannot make you stay married to him. We are not in The Middle Ages.

Mouseface Tue 20-Sep-11 20:04:35

sad

I know I always post this but have a look HERE I'm so sorry that you are stuck in this.

I hope that you can get some real help soon xx

IWantWine Tue 20-Sep-11 20:39:30

smile thanks and sorry for the double post! my internet is rubbish smile

I have spoken to WA but my situation is so complicated.

All I need, really need, is help to get through this divorce while I have to live here.

I feel so much better tonght. I have eaten. I will have an early night and I wont cry myself to sleep.

I wish I had someone who could tell me, reassure me, that the threats my OH makes are foundless. I know he will do his utmost against me. But I cant ask my solicitor, because of the cost. He is prepared to let our home be repossesed rather than sell.. and believe me, in its present condition it isnt really sellable.. well, I could give it away, but then, he wouldnt sign the contract..

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-11 20:44:59

I don't know what to say sad

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-11 20:46:52

I presume the legal process that is the divorce will force him to comply eventually

Sorry, have no real experience

I can, however, see that someone who is determined to be an absolute obstructive arsehole can make your life hell for a while

Not for ever though

You will be free of him one day

chosenone Tue 20-Sep-11 20:52:59

Sorry to read this, I hope you can find the strength to get through through this and find some sort of outcome, can you and your daughter away, refuge or something ? I hope someone can advise you and help you more. Good luck

IWantWine Tue 20-Sep-11 21:38:58

Situation is very complicated. I would leave tomorrow but my daughter is reluctant. Understandable since she has grown up in this kind of situation.

I will be back. I really need support and I have no one in RL... Thanks to all of you. I am going to bed!!! I just feel exhausted by all of this.

Tomorrow I intend to go to my solicitor and get things moving! I know it will be awful but it is necessary!

AnyFucker Tue 20-Sep-11 21:41:08

All the best

You know where we are

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