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loveless relationship, 2 kids under 2.5yrs, what to do next?

(3 Posts)
jbakedbean Tue 20-Sep-11 00:36:03

help please, any advice wanted. I've been in a relationship for 5 years, it wasn't great to start with and 3.5 years ago when I walked out (before children) he then said he would make the effort, wanted kids and would make me feel like the special person that I supposedly am. Stupidly, i believed him and fell pregnant with ds1, completely unsupportive through pregnancy and relationship just about got back to reasonable when I found out I was pregnant with ds2 (unplanned but very much loved by us both). DS2 is now 1, DS1 is 2.5yrs, our relationship is pretty much sexless, which for a woman that loves sex is bad, I have no drive anymore, and it's not the effect of kids, it's the effect of having a man that doesn't show any sort of love, verbally, emotionally, affectionately, sexually NOTHING. There is only so many times I can tell him and speak to him about this huge void that is our relationship.
What to do next? Yes, I've tried talking, he improves for a week and then goes back to usual self. Can I leave him or would that make me a bad mum. He loves his kids, but loves the pub more.

DioneTheDiabolist Tue 20-Sep-11 00:42:02

Have you tried counselling?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Tue 20-Sep-11 04:20:19

It seems as if he is capable of rising to the occasion, so to speak, but then he slumps back into his old ways.

You may have to give him an ultimatum: something along the lines 'either we this get sorted with the help of joint counselling from Relate (or similar organisation), or we make plans to divorce as I'm not willing to put up with a lifetime of no joy, no love, and no support in this marriage'.

If you've tried everything to make your marriage work to no avail, there's no shame in calling it quits and it won't make you a bad mum if you leave him

Raising dcs in an atmosphere of animosity is not giving them the best start in life, nor is it setting them a good example of what relationships should be.

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