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Been called a bunny boiler what do you think?(31 Posts)
Sorry this is hugely long and anecdotal and lots of "then he said then I said" but I want to make sure I've included everything so you can tell me whether I do in fact come across as a psycho ex.
Recently had a 10 day fling with someone (A). He has a bit of a reputation for going through lots of women so I was just taking it for what it was and not really worrying about whether it was going anywhere. He ended it because he said he wasn't in a position to take it further, I was fine with that.
Didn't contact each other again and tbh I didn't give him a lot of thought. Then last week I started watching something he had been telling me about and sent him a text saying I was watching it and enjoying it so thanks for the recommendation, he replied saying glad I liked it and asked how I was.
On Saturday I went out in town with some friends and he was also out. Saw him at the other end of the bar, smiled and said hi. A few minutes later he came over, kissed me on the cheek and we chatted briefly. Later again he walked past me and stopped and chatted again. I do get touchy feely and flirty when drunk so was being a little bit with him but it wasn't anything too bad, just touched his arm, put my hand on his waist when he leant in to talk etc. He then apparently told our mutual friend that he couldn't get away from me, that I was following him around and every time he looked around I was there looking at him. She told him he was being an idiot as I was with her all night, wasn't following him anywhere and that he was the one who had stopped to talk to me.
Friend and I went to dance with some male friends of ours and he appeared nearby and was watching us, I moved so my back was facing him because his watching us was annoying me a bit and he walked off. My friend said he had looked really pissed off that I was dancing with other men.
Later again I was at the bar and he came up behind me and offered to buy me a drink, I refused as had already ordered but he got himself one and we chatted some more. He said he was surprised I wasn't being off with him and I said that I hadn't been expecting or looking for anything serious from him so had no reason to be. I then jokingly said that he'd missed out though because I was an excellent girlfriend. He said "so tell me about these texts" I asked what texts and he said he?d been getting texts from someone bigging me up, saying how hot I was and how he was lucky I was his girlfriend.
Said he'd figured they were either from my xh trying to find out what was going on between us (they drink in same pub and have friends in common but don't actually know each other)or I'd sent them myself (or got a friend to) trying to make him like me more. I was totally gobsmacked and tried to find out more to try and figure out who could have sent them but he just said it didn't matter what they'd said but they'd made him think I was a bunny boiler. I tried to convince him I knew nothing about it but don't think he believed me. I also asked whether that was the real reason he'd ended it or whether it had actually been because he was busy and he said mainly because he was busy but he had been worried by the texts. Not that it really mattered to me because I wasn't hoping to get back with him but I was just curious I think. Then he said he was going outside for a cigarette and would carry on talking to me when he came back but walked straight past me when he came back in instead.
Friends and I went back to dance but was feeling a bit shaken by it so we decided to go home. On the way home I tried to text him saying I'd like to know more about the texts so I could figure out who had sent them but because I was quite drunk I pressed send mid sentence, missed out words etc so it ended up being 3 texts. No reply from him.
The next day when xh dropped the kids back he asked whether A and I were together because someone had told him we'd been kissing the night before. I said no and said that we hadn't even been kissing so he'd been given false info. He said he knew there'd been something between us a few weeks ago so was just wondering whether we were actually together or not. Said he hadn't liked the thought of me being with A. I asked him if he knew anything about the texts A had received and he denied it.
I was then feeling a bit bad that someone was obviously stirring and that A had been hassled because of me so text him again saying that the texts and rumours hadn't come from me and I hadn't known anything about it but that I was sorry that someone was trying to cause trouble and that he'd got involved through having been with me. Said I hoped he wouldn't hold it against me and that we'd still be friends. No reply again. I don't intend to contact him again about it, but I do feel bad that he has been hassled through knowing me so wanted to apologise for that at least.
Now I'm trying not to give this a lot of headspace because I think the whole thing is just quite infantile and pathetic but I can't help worrying about the fact that he (and so potentially other people) think I'm a bunny boiler. It's just not a nice thing to be called and I know that reputations like that can stick. It does seem ridiculous reading it back, as far as I was concerned it was just a fling that didn't go anywhere but now it has become a huge drama.
I'm also aware that he can take a lot of what I've written above to back up his theory, for example the fact I was touching him when we were chatting or that I sent him multiple texts and even text him again the next day after getting no reply... He's probably taken that as me not leaving him alone or not letting it go. So do you think I come across as a bunny boiler?
And who the hell cares enough about my life to stir like that? Do you think I should be concerned that someone is reporting back to xh? And is it worth me giving the texts A received about me any more thought? Just don't know who could have sent them...apparently they said they were from Steve X but no one knows who this Steve is and when A called the number it went straight to voicemail.
The texts he got do sound a bit odd. Would your ex have his number? Did you see these texts? He could've been making it up. TBH I would try to keep out of his way for a bit & move on. Anything more you do is going to look as if you're pursuing him, & make things worse.
have you tried to assassinate anyones pets?
sounds like someone trying to lure you into some silly, gossipy drama stuff, I'm sure you have better things to do than even give it a second thought...
Reminds me of someone I briefly saw, his initial isn't H is it?
Did you see any of these texts that he's supposed to have recieved? Have you considered that he might have made the whole thing up in order to mess with your head?
A is attention seeking. you dont sound at all bunny boiling to me. i wonder if this has left him feeling out of control so he is trying to create a situation where you start to act the role he wants.
I think he made up that someone sent him texts as you were enjoying yourself without him.
He's trying to get you to like him and run around after him.
Ignore him, you have done nothing wrong.
Oh yes I don't intend to try to make contact again. I know a lot of people will probably see the last text I sent as being overkill but I'm glad I sent it because at least I've apologised for any hassle he's had and can move on with a clean conscience.
I didn't see the texts but he showed a couple to some of our mutual friends, it was one of them who suggested it could be xh.
Afaik xh doesnt have his number but he could easily get it through someone else in the pub, or it could be the same person that's been reporting back to xh
Yup that's what H said. Although his texts were supposedly from me lol. Oddly, nobody else saw them either.
I reckon he made the whole thing up.
Go back to being the elusive, in control, person you were when you walked into the pub that night.
And if you bump into him again, make sure you are the one to always end the convo and walk away first.
Thank you all. I had wondered whether caring enough to even start this thread was bunny boilerish in itself but the fact that none of you have gone "oh my god why did you text him again, i can't believe you touched him!" etc has reassured me that I haven't done anything too OTT so I can now hold my head up high and forget about the whole sorry business
You were feeling fine about things ending til you ran into him, so you're hardly a bunny boiler.
I'm going to stick my neck out and say he's potentially abusive, because there are a lot of red flags there. He now has you doubting yourself and feeling worried, confused, wrong-footed and closely scrutinized by him so I'd say he's doing pretty well off the starting blocks! You're posting on here feeling unsure of yourself after talking to him when you were fine previously. Not good.
Forget him and move on.
I'm of the same mind aa Laurie. There were no texts and he's a manipulative attention seeking drama queen.
Delete his number from your phone and next time you see him smile sweetly and walk on, or turn away and talk to someone else.
Another vote for "It's Not You, It's Him!"
Projection, I reckon. He's the bunny-boiler who can't stand for anyone to be OK without him. You seem to be in the same locality, so can't avoid him - but you can treat with polite indifference. And lock up your pet rabbit
"I can choose to be without you but I cant cope with anyone being ok without me"
Thats him, in a nutshell.
I think he made it up because you clearly weren't bothered so he wanted to make it look like you were. I agree with Singout too about the red flags.
Next time you see him, speak, then look very bored very quickly and make your excuses ... x
I would also say... try to forget it & move on!!.. I think the more you try to delve & solve the text mystery the more this guy will get the impression he is something special, because he really comes across as a vain big head who thinks he is Gods gift!! I think he is a player & would only ever hurt you & not even capable of being just friends either.. sounds just like a few men I know & have dated!!! You were not acting like a "bunny boiler" at all just trying to explain yourself & the situation. If you see him out & about again give him a wide birth!!!
Do you know for a fact that other people have seen the txts or are you just taking his word for it?
I would say there's a good chance that he's making it up.
But... if there is someone txting him I would be a but annoyed about it and want to know who it was too.
If he's a player, it could be a female who has her eye on him and didn't want him to get too attached to you so tried to scare him off.
So apparently he comes over chats and flirts, is annoyed at others dancing with you, offers to buy you a drink, chats again while you're happy to get on with your own thing not looking for his attention, in spite of the fact he's pretty convinced you're some kind of bunny boiler - really . Does that genuinely sound like how someone in that situation would behave? Cos I don't think so.
He clearly made up the texts as he wasn't getting the reaction he wanted from you.
Stay well clear
I would say that it is A himself making it up, unless he actually showed you a text??? Sounds like he doesn't like the way you seem quite OK without him and now is stirring up a bit of drama.
I agree with garlic and the others who say he has just made the whole thing up because you didn't stalk him, are not a bunny boiler and are obviously perfectly happy without him.
I wouldn't just not contact him anymore - I'd actively avoid him if you see him out etc.
There were no texts. And even if there were, which there weren't, it's not really been hassle for hum, has it?
He sounds very odd to me. I'd stay very very clear of him and not respond to any texts he might send you in future.
He's got you thinking about him, confused, perplexed and curious. He likes that.
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