Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can I maintain a friendship with him?

(7 Posts)
MrSusan Mon 19-Sep-11 19:24:44

I'm a regular who's namechanged.

I'm a married woman. Been with OH over 10 years. 2 children.

I have a really good friend who used to be an on/off boyfriend when I was about 15. We slept together once when I was 18ish.

At times we've lost touch and then become good friends again. Currently, we've been in regular contact for a couple of years. OH knows him and likes him a lot. I speak to him regularly but don't see him that often.

But I have become increasingly aware of having some feelings for this friend which are of the wrong type. ie sexual.

Am I deluded in wondering if I can stay friends with him and ignore the inappropriate feelings I have for him? I should add that, besides the sexual feelings, we have a good friendship; shared sense of humour and so on. He is definitely not someone I'd want to be in a relationship with though.

Not sure I'm making any sense at all?

MangoMonster Mon 19-Sep-11 19:31:03

Really depends on how serious you think these sexual feelings are... You say you wouldn't want a relationship with him, does that mean you wouldn't sleep with him?

MrSusan Mon 19-Sep-11 19:48:02

I wouldn't sleep with him. But only because I'm married. I'd love to sleep with him and, in fact, the prospect of never sleeping with him ever again makes me sad.

So....I would want to be in a sexual relationship with him, if circumstances were different, but I wouldn't want to be in a proper relationship with him. ie with strings attached, co-habiting etc. Although we have a really good friendship, he'd do my head in if he was my boyfriend.

The more I think about it, the more I think I might have to stop seeing him/speaking to him. sad

MangoMonster Mon 19-Sep-11 19:50:10

I think you're right, will be easier for you in the long run. It's a shame as you are friends but sometimes that's just the way it goes.

MrSusan Mon 19-Sep-11 19:54:39

Really sad. He's one of my dearest friends. But I've got to protect my marriage. I'm as certain as I can possibly be that my friend shares some of my feelings so we probably ought to cut contact.

MangoMonster Mon 19-Sep-11 19:57:53

That is difficult but you're doing the right thing and it's easier now than if something did happen. You seem very keen to protect your marriage so I think you'll succeed.

Xales Mon 19-Sep-11 20:00:50

There is nothing wrong with you having these feelings. You and he are in some way compatible hence the friendship and clearly you are living, breathing woman who is sexual and likes an attractive man.

How you deal with it is down to you. If you know full well you would never go there than you can continue to be friends especially as you don't actually see each other much.

If you feel it is best for you to walk away that is a shame to lose a long term friendship so be it.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: