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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do I tell her?

19 replies

Sleepingonthebus · 18/09/2011 23:29

My best friend was matched with my ex on a dating site. Ex is currently trying to win back his fiancee, after they split up a few weeks ago.

Do I tell the fiancee about the dating site? Or is it just none of my business? I know her and we texted for a bit when the split happened, but not since.

I wouldn't call her a friend, but I would want to know if it was me.

OP posts:

Report

Kayano · 18/09/2011 23:32

Have they been talking. Could he have web on the site while they were apart and just never removed his profile?

Sleepingonthebus · 18/09/2011 23:38

No my friend says the site tells you if the person is online, and he has been online a lot. She wouldn't give him the time of day.

I'd hate him to weedle his way back into his fiancee's good books while this is going on.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 18/09/2011 23:46

They have split up haven't they? So it's not like he is doing anything wrong, now if they got back together and he was still on there then I'd tell but not otherwise.

LineRunner · 19/09/2011 00:10

Jeez, this is like Ross 'on a break'. Men think they're on a break, women think they're working on the relationship.

I'd stay well clear of it all unless asked directly.

Sleepingonthebus · 19/09/2011 00:20

Yes, they have split up in the sense she has moved out of the house, but he is trying hard to get her back. He spends a lot of time where she lives now, and is doing all the running.

I probably won't say anything. He was a twat to me, and according to her, a twat to her too. She knows what he is like already.

OP posts:

frutilla · 19/09/2011 00:27

I wouldn't say anything if they're still apart. Does it say on his profile when he joined? That might be telling...

Sleepingonthebus · 19/09/2011 00:34

No it doesn't say when he joined.

OP posts:

YankNCock · 19/09/2011 00:52

I'd tell, but I'd do something like a casual text 'Oddest thing, my friend just got matched to X on a dating site! I thought you were getting back together?'

But I'm nosy like that.

YankNCock · 19/09/2011 00:53

I think that gives her room to say 'he can do what he wants, we're not together' and save face if he's fooled her again.

Bogeyface · 19/09/2011 01:51

Tbh I wouldnt unless they do get back together, which sounds unlikely. From what you have said, she has got him sussed and will tell him to sling his hook. In the unlikely event that they do get back together then I would monitor the website and if he is still online alot then I would tell her then.

Bogeyface · 19/09/2011 01:52

I should add that the reason I wouldnt say anything now is because they arent together and it could be construed as shit stirring.

MeMySonAndI · 19/09/2011 01:56

None of your business, kept out of it. The messenger is always shot.

ComradeJing · 19/09/2011 02:06

I'd tell her but partly because my bf went through years of a shitty relationship and no one who had seen the cheating first hand told her. I had suspicions but No proof. My bf is very hurt that no one (ie people who were her friends but not best friends) told her the truth.

Bogeyface · 19/09/2011 02:10

but he isnt cheating comrade, the fiancee has left him so he really is free to do as he pleases. I agree that it is shitty but he isnt actually cheating. Lying? Yes, but not cheating.

ComradeJing · 19/09/2011 02:13

You're right bogey. I'd still tell her though.

Bogeyface · 19/09/2011 02:20

I would if I was her friend but the OP said that they arent friends as such, more "exes in common" as it were. And he could use that against the OP to imply that she is shit stirring because she is jealous or bitchy or unhinged...

I would wait until she knows for sure that they are back together, and then I might just get the best friend to exchange messages on the dating site with him so she can prove to the fiancee what a shit house he is.

Sleepingonthebus · 20/09/2011 18:35

All good advice. Thank you.

I'm not going to tell her unless they get back together and he's still on the site. It could come back and bite me on the bum otherwise.

OP posts:

Xales · 20/09/2011 18:42

Send her his profile as a link in a 'haha look what the twat is up to, aren't you glad you dumped him and are well shot' kind of way.

JennaP · 20/09/2011 19:00

I'd steer clear. I was matched to a friends boyfriend of 7 years! I told him to man up and either split with her or stay with her but take down his profile and at least treat her with some respect! The messenger will be shot!

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