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In a bit of a rut, how to get out?

(5 Posts)
pinkhyena Sun 18-Sep-11 21:33:16

Right so i've been with DH for 8 years, we have DS who is nearly 1 and another one on the way. I think I feel in a rut with myself IYSWIM and its affecting my relationship with DH a bit. I had only just got back down to my pre-pregnancy weight when I found out I was pregnant again so I feel rather fat and unattractive and I hate all my clothes. I'm a SAHM right now and don't really have a massive social life away from DS. Most friends work, don't have kids etc so I never have anything interesting to talk about. This aspect at least is going to change soon because i'm starting my 3rd year of uni next week so i'm going to have other things to focus on.

I love DH to bits but our sex life is practically non existent. I'll put it this way i'm 13 weeks pregnant, from when we conceived this baby to now we've had sex 2 times. I think part of it is the way I feel about myself but DH doesn't seem to do much to initiate anything, we both seem to end up on the sofa til we're so tired we just need to sleep. We've said things like 'we need to have the TV on less' etc but this only ever lasts a few days before we go back to our old routine.

We need to break out of this rut but I just don't know where to start!

barkwithnobite Sun 18-Sep-11 21:37:29

Is there anyway you can go away together - just the two of u?

sunshineandbooks Sun 18-Sep-11 22:00:02

Well I"m not surprised you're tired - you're in Uni, have a child under 1 and you're pregnant!

Give yourself a break. Are you trying to be superwoman? smile

Seriously though, it sounds like you're suffering a bit of an identity crisis, but with all the demands placed on you I don't see how you can do much about it right now apart from reflect on it and try to come up with solutions for the future. With the best will in the world you're going to struggle to find the time and energy to take up a new hobby or follow an interest under the current circumstances. I remember the feeling well from my own experience, and that was with a full-time job. I just felt like I had the most boring life in the world – not difficult or unenjoyable, in fact there was a lot to enjoy about it IMO, but to other people I was sure it just looked boring. I was a frumpy mummy with no life of her own.

The thing is though, I'm pretty sure that not how others would see you. I bet your friends are in awe of your ability to juggle pregnancy/parenthood/studying. Try to remember that and use it to make you feel good about yourself.

It sounds like some mild form of exercise would suit you and your DH and it's something you could do together if you could arrange a babysitter. Once the baby is born and you've got over that initial sleep-deprived phase, you can put some plans in motion to recover your old self.

Hope you feel more positive soon. smile

pinkhyena Mon 19-Sep-11 10:47:11

Unfortunately there's no way we can afford to go away right now...or ever again I think haha.

sunshine I think you may be right about the identity crisis thing, I do often just feel like 'mum'. Plus the routine of being a SAHM is a bit dull even though I try and find lots of different things to do with DS who then thanks me by giving DH all the cuddles and pushing me away [not bitter at all].

Gah just feel so down in the dumps! Problem is I don't know if its me feeling this way or if its just preggo hormones.

barkwithnobite Mon 19-Sep-11 23:40:04

Probably preggo hormones Hun..... Go for a meal together - kfc anyone? I'm just thinking u need a change of scenery x

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