There is noone for me to turn to,i know i would have eventually confided in my mum but its too late now.
I have been married for 20yrs. First off he is a great provider and a brilliant dad to the dc. I will cut to the chase
A couple of years ago i fell ill with terrible pains in my back and tummy. I was vomiting for days on end and i also had a terrible burning when i went to the loo. Eventually told it was a severe kidney infection and was put on anti biotics but it wouldnt clear, the doc was talking of sending me straight to hosp. As i struggled out of bed to get dressed to go to hosp my dh said he had to tell me something. His eyes filled with tears. I was terrified i thought he was ill. He then told me that he had gone to a stag do organized by an old work boss and he had let a stripper give him oral sex. He said he was scared my illness was something he had given me. Tbh i was in pain and shock i didnt think about it for another 6 weeks. He is the type of man who never talks about sex or makes lewd comments about women. He never checks any female out whilst driving. To say i was shocked was an understatement.
Fast forward to now. The truth is he never ever wants sex. He hasnt kissed me in over ten years. He never hugs me or tells me he loves me. He never talks to me. Looking back i remember opening a tab he had left on the computer it said It was porn. He denied it was him and was going to let me blame our son. I came in from shopping for or five years ago and he had left a porn vid in machine and dd found it. And three weeks ago he had seen me crying because i feel so crap about myself and whilst browsing the computer i opened a tab he had left on, it was porn where he had put his post code in to see local girls. He denied it was him and when i said i would ask my son he confessed He said he was so sorry and it was insensative because of what i was going through. He always manages to make it seem like its nowhere near as bad as i think it is. Like he said he had to put in the postcode otherwise the pics wouldnt come up. I nearly lost my mind at the beginning of last year because i found strange numbers on the mobile phone bill. He recieved a couple of weird texts (i snooped). He does buy and sell so maybe it was just business and there was a text from something called the kitten club. Do they send texts randomely? I am in such a pickle, is this marriage a sham? I am a very paranoid person so maybe sometimes he is telling the truth and men do look at porn dont they!!!!!!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
noone to confide in, someone please tell me this is a sham
mulberrybabe · 17/09/2011 00:33
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