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I fucking hate you he said

(11 Posts)
frenchdawn Fri 16-Sep-11 21:53:19

He is drunk. He can be horrible when he is drunk.
As I get older I just don't want to put up with it any more. I don't deserve it. Cant be bothered just want a normal night out without the abuse when we get home.
Bollocks I am going to have to do something arnt I ?
I just don't know if I am strong enough but I am not too weak to make sure the children never feel like this

peterpan99 Fri 16-Sep-11 21:55:14

he sounds like a prize twat tbh! you dont have to put up with him and being drunk is no excuse!
Hope your ok

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 16-Sep-11 22:04:15

If you've got your dc's best interests at heart, you'll find the strength to do whatever you need to do and that includes getting the drunken asshole out of your life.

frenchdawn Fri 16-Sep-11 22:33:07

But it is just so hard as 99.9% of the time he is fine. I just really really really don't know what to do

buzzskillington Fri 16-Sep-11 22:36:56

Wait for him to sober up and ask him to stop drinking? Tell him he's a nasty drunk and if he wants to keep you, the alcohol has to go?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Fri 16-Sep-11 23:00:04

How often does he drink?

kerrymumbles Fri 16-Sep-11 23:01:23

people fight. people say shite.

the problem is when they mean it.

buzzskillington Fri 16-Sep-11 23:16:59

If someone routinely gives you shit when they're pissed, then you shouldn't put up with it. Saying shite to hurt you still hurts whether they mean it or not, it's disrespectful - and why the fuck would they say it, except to hurt?

buzzskillington Fri 16-Sep-11 23:25:33

At least some of that sentence was redundant blush.

confidence Fri 16-Sep-11 23:36:59

Agree with Kerry. People in relationships say hurtful bollox to each other all the time - mainly because it's precisely the fact of being in a relationship that makes it hurtful. I'd wager if some drunken idiot down the pub who you hardly even know said "I fuckin hate you", you'd hardly even worry about it.

Sustaining a LTR with kids is hard, and people develop conflicts and difficulties which they suppress, which sometimes come out sideways in a pretty nasty way. It doesn't mean the relationship is worth nothing. If it's good 99.9% of the time, then it's about as good as it gets, and chucking it away would just be indulging in the fantasy of a relationship that can be good 100% of the time.

That said, of course you don't deserve to have aggressive shit said to you. There are several things you might to about that, eg (1) Get him to work out what's bugging him and be honest about it when he's sober, and work it out together. (2) Avoid getting into situations where he'll be drunk. Refuse to go out with him if he'll be drinking, etc. Explain why. (3) Take a zero tolerance policy to such behaviour when he is drunk. Get up, leave the table and go home. Don't engage with it, just tell him if he wants you to even be with him there's a minimum standard of consideration he has to meet.

People quite often have to enforce such boundaries on partners who don't have a strong enough sense of boundary of their own. How those partners react can be surprising.

FontSnob Sat 17-Sep-11 09:09:28

Dh is a horrible drunk sometimes too. He is trying to give up drinking (he slipped up last night after 2 months sober). It's the only way I'll stay with him as I won't let dd grow up in the same environment that he did. Be strong, give him an ultimatum and mean it. Dh is getting therapy and going to aa. We will get there, but if we don't I'll leave with dd. Divorce is okay, for you and kids, so long as the kids don't get filled with negativity.

Best wishes.

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